


The Importance of Fly Fishing

by Egypt18015



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Bromance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23909191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Egypt18015/pseuds/Egypt18015
Summary: Kevin invites Nick to go fishing with him to catch up on what’s going on in his life.
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! This one is a story written a long time ago, back when Nick was a hot mess. It’s a dramedy just featuring Nick and Kevin. 
> 
> Sorry about the ? Throughout.

****

**1**

  
  
He stared out the window as the trees all went by, trying to close his eyes and save himself from the headache which was sure to come. �Why are you taking me again?�  
  
Kevin sighed the whole time keeping his eyes on the road, �How many times have we been through this?�  
  
  
  
�It�s just that I have never been fishing in my whole life.�  
  
  
  
�I thought you loved the ocean, I mean how many times have I heard you say that in an interview?�  
  
  
  
�Have I ever said I liked fishing?�  
  
  
  
�Maybe, I usually block you out after awhile.�  
  
  
  
�I have never been fishing before.�  
  
  
  
�So I�ve heard,� Nick turned his head away from Kevin not wanting to look at the goofy hat he was wearing any longer and once again stared out into the countryside. Kentucky was beautiful, although he would never admit it to the man sitting next to him or his cousin for that matter; he always grew a little jealous about the kind of place they had grown up in. Not that Florida was a huge armpit of gross either, it had it�s own moments and he loved those as well, but just the country feel to this place, the smell of pine and the sounds of birds chirping all around couldn�t help but put you in a good mood.  
  
  
  
�Was Tim busy or something?�  
  
  
  
�Nope, I didn�t even ask him.�  
  
  
  
�Oh, okay what about Brian?�  
  
  
  
�What about Brian? He is in Georgia.�  
  
  
  
�But I was in Los Angeles.�  
  
  
  
�Yes you were�� The way Kevin�s voice drifted off, Nick knew he wasn�t really being listened to so once again he stopped talking and this time focused his attention on the headache he felt slowly pouring from his eyes. Maybe he would take this opportunity to nap. Cars always had a way of lulling him to sleep, well either lull him to sleep or make him violently ill.  
  
  
  
When he was a kid he often got carsick which would drive his parents insane. Sometimes a simple two hour drive could turn into an all day affair just because after about thirty minutes he needed to get out of the car. Now as an adult, he used a car ride as an escape from reality. One of the few places he could be where no one could possibly bother him and if they tried well it was simple, he could just run them over. A smile crept across his face as he pictured an annoying paparazzi photographer running ahead of his car just as he rammed into him and sent him flying.  
  
  
  
�Why are you smiling like that?�  
  
  
  
�Huh?�  
  
  
  
�You have a huge grin on your face; you look kind of crazy actually.�  
  
  
  
�Why are you looking at me and not the road?�  
  
  
  
�Are you planning something? You smile like that when you are concocting one of your silly little plans.�  
  
  
  
�Nah, just thinking about running people over.�  
  
  
  
�Oh how nice,� Kevin smirked and shook his head. �And I haven�t concocted any great plans in a long time Kevin�unless you want me to?�  
  
  
  
�No thanks.�  
  
  
  
�You sure?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�m good.�  
  
  
  
 _It was funny how they all pictured me pulling pranks on them still after all these years_ Nick thought to himself tugging at his chin as if he had a beard there. The last time he did anything close to one of his childish pranks was towards the end of the Black and Blue tour. They had been through so much with AJ being in rehab and canceling tour dates, the whole demeanor of the guys had changed, so Nick felt it best to pull a nice old fashioned prank on them. He had called them all into his hotel room professing that he had something urgent to tell them and when they got in there they were greeted by four strippers dressed as teddy bears.  
  
  
  
He had found them on the internet, funny what you can find on the internet, and while searching for porn he came across this site where they will send people dressed in bear suits and have them strip tease but only thing is underneath those suits would be a MAN holding a banana pie. He had to pay for four of them, one for each boy, minus him of course.  
  
  
  
He told all the dancers about it and one of them grabbed Kevin�s camera and filmed the whole thing. The looks on their faces were priceless especially Brian who just had a _what the hell?_ Look the entire time. When the pies came out and they were bombarded the place exploded with laughter, not the guys of course but the dancers who then took pleasure in watching the four banana clad guys go after the youngest one. Tackling him down to the ground and shoving banana down his shirt and pants.  
  
  
  
That was the last prank he ever pulled.  
  
  
  
�Kevin you remember the time when I sent the bears with the��  
  
  
  
�Pies? Yeah I remember that Nick, I was just thinking about that actually.�  
  
  
  
�So was I.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I figured since you just brought it up.� _Kevin can be such a smart ass!_ Nick thought as he rolled his eyes and asked, �Do you still have the video tape?�  
  
  
  
�No, I destroyed that a long time ago.�  
  
  
  
�You should have kept it.�  
  
  
  
�Why is that?�  
  
  
  
�Nostalgia.�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh�� Once again Kevin drifted off. He did that when driving. It kind of freaked Nick out sometimes, almost like he had fallen asleep behind the wheel or something. Kevin was always the one to drive from point A to point B. He would elect himself to do that. He didn�t trust any of the other boys to drive and get him there unharmed.  
  
  
  
�Kevin you have trust issues� Now Kevin had his own confused look on his face, �What?�  
  
  
  
�Trust issues, you know you never let any of us drive. It always has to be you.�  
  
  
  
�Nick where did that come from?�  
  
  
  
�Don�t know��  
  
  
  
�Okay then�very random of you.�  
  
  
  
�So�can I drive?�  
  
  
  
�No.�  
  
  
  
�See? That�s what I�m talking about�trust issues.�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh�� Drifting again.  
  
  
  
Like he should talk, Nick didn�t trust anyone anymore, well there was a small circle but it grew smaller and smaller with every passing day. That�s one of the things that sucks about getting older, the loss of naivety and the new found understanding that those people that you trusted were only looking out for themselves. It used to hurt him, almost to the point of crying, but now he was just numb to it all. He was numb to a lot of things, and he knew it bothered Kevin to see it.  
  
  
  
�You know I bet Howie would have enjoyed going fishing with you.�  
  
  
  
�Nick�I didn�t ask Howie I asked you.�  
  
  
  
�I know but I�ve never been fishing.�  
  
  
  
�Oh really? I hadn�t heard that.� _Kevin being a smart ass again!_  
  
  
  
�It�s just that Howie would look much better in that goofy hat, goofy hats and I don�t get along.�  
  
  
  
�What, are you making fun of my hat now?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin have you SEEN your hat?�  
  
  
  
�Oh well sorry next time I�ll just consult with you oh Mr. Guru of fashion�by the way nice boots.�  
  
  
  
�Hey! I love these boots,� Nick looked down at his black boots with the chains on them. They were the most comfortable things on the planet. �They aren�t the best thing to fish in you know.�  
  
  
  
�No I don�t know and do you know why?�  
  
  
  
�Let me guess�because you�ve never been fishing?� Kevin said glancing over at Nick with eyebrow raised and smile on his face.  
  
  
  
�Because I�ve never been fishing.� Nick said trying not to laugh.  
  
  
  
�Well let�s just hope those chains don�t make you sink to the bottom of the lake.�  
  
  
  
Nick sighed and once again looked away from Kevin. He felt like there was a reason he was with his friend. He used to bond with the guys like this all the time but nowadays things were different. It just felt so odd and way out of the blue when Kevin called Nick during one of their small breaks and said, �You want to go fishing with me this weekend?�  
  
  
  
He said yes more of out shock than anything else. He had planned on going out to the clubs and getting wasted with some new found friends of his but those plans were changed when he found out that fishing meant Kentucky and not Los Angeles. He tried backing out but Kevin would have no part in that. Once you committed to something with Kevin you pretty much had to die to get out of it. Besides part of him was excited about it as well. It had been so long since Kevin had truly wanted to hang out with him. Nick went out with AJ and Howie all the time but the Kentucky cousins seemed to want nothing to do with him anymore. _They outgrew me_ He had admitted to himself one day when he saw Brian and AJ talking much the same way he and Brian used to talk. He missed that, but he also knew that sometimes it happens, through no ones fault. Sometimes people just drift apart.  
  
  
  
So he found himself on a plane heading towards Kentucky the whole time thinking �Why the hell am I doing this again?�  
  
  
  
�So did you just suddenly get the urge to fish or something?� Nick was staring at his friend, the one wearing the goofy hat with lures hanging off the sides, patiently waiting for an answer.  
  
  
  
�I enjoy fishing.�  
  
  
  
�I enjoy sleeping; I mean why is it that people have to fish so early in the morning? I mean it�s barely light out.�  
  
  
  
�It�s just what you do.�  
  
  
  
�I think it�s stupid.�  
  
  
  
�Getting up early is good for you every once in a while. You should do it more often Nick.�  
  
  
  
�I do it all the time when we work but not on my breaks.�  
  
  
  
�So take a nap, it�ll do you some good.� Nick sighed knowing that now he couldn�t possibly take a nap because Kevin wanted him too. It was one of those unspoken rules the two of them had. Never do what Kevin wants you to do. If he wants you to sleep you stay awake. If he wants you to be early, show up five minutes late.  
  
  
  
�Nah I�m good.�  
  
  
  
�Okay then stop complaining.�  
  
  
  
�I wasn�t complaining I was just stating facts that�s all.�  
  
  
  
�You were complaining.�  
  
  
  
Nick shifted in his seat, his feet falling asleep because of the way he had them crossed. Now he wanted nothing more than to get out the car and walk around a little bit. He knew better than to ask Kevin to stop though, because the rule above worked both ways. If he asked Kevin to stop the car, Kevin would purposely drive for an extra hour. So to take his mind off his feet he asked, �Are there bears out there?�  
  
  
  
�Yup.�  
  
  
  
�Great, I hope they aren�t hungry.�  
  
  
  
�Me too, I�d hate it if after they ate you they were to choke on your boots.�  
  
  
  
�Oh that�s really nice Kevin. You know if you were attacked by a bear I would try to save you.�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh�� _Drifting off again_ �Hey do me a favor and reach into my glove compartment and take out the map.�  
  
  
  
�Map? Oh great are we lost?�  
  
  
  
�Did I say we are lost? No we aren�t lost I just want to check something out.�  
  
  
  
Nick leaned over and opened the glove compartment and laughed when he saw some of the things in there, �Why do you have a can opener in there?�  
  
  
  
�Because you never know.�  
  
  
  
�You never know? You never know what?�  
  
  
  
�Map Nick�� Kevin said lightly tapping the map, gesturing for Nick to help him out.  
  
  
  
�What am I looking for?�  
  
  
  
�Look for Guppy Lake.�  
  
  
  
�Guppy Lake?�  
  
  
  
�Yes that�s where we are going.�  
  
  
  
�We are going to a place called Guppy Lake?�  
  
  
  
�Yes.�  
  
  
  
�I see it�what do you want to know?�  
  
  
  
�Do I have to go on rural route 9 North or South?�  
  
  
  
�Uh�� Nick started biting his lip knowing that if he were to get this question wrong he would never here the end of it.  
  
  
  
�Well? I need to know we are coming up on 9 now.�  
  
  
  
�South?�  
  
  
  
�Why are you saying it like it�s a question?�  
  
  
  
�It�s South.� He said with more authority which made Kevin nod, �You sure?�  
  
  
  
�Yup South.�  
  
  
  
�Okay�thanks.�  
  
  
  
As they turned South onto Rural route 9 Nick put the map back into the glove compartment and yawned. �How much longer you think?�  
  
  
  
�You�re the one who just had the map you tell me.�  
  
  
  
�Um it�s about�oh how the hell am I supposed to know? Let�s say an hour and be done with it.�  
  
  
  
�Okay then we�ll be there in an hour. Did that answer your question?�  
  
  
  
�That one yes but you still haven�t told me why you wanted me to go fishing with you.� Kevin ignored him.  
  
  
  
Once again Nick sighed as he looked out and watched the blurry trees go by, �You have any aspirin?�  
  
  
  
�No, sorry.�  
  
  
  
�You have a can opener but no aspirin?�  
  
  
  
�Nick?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah?�  
  
  
  
�If you take a nap I bet it�ll make your head feel better.�  
  
  
  
�You just want me to shut up.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah kind of.� _Smartass once again!_  
  
  
  
This time Nick didn�t fight, he decided to close his eyes and take a quick nap, dreaming of bears stripping then eating him but not before laughing at the silly ass hat Kevin was wearing.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

****

**2**

  
  
  
He was dreaming a most wonderful dream. There he was sitting in the middle of the ocean. The waves were extra calm but yet a cool breeze came off the water occasionally misting his face. His cheeks were hot, very red from the sun. If his mother was there she would have yelled at him for not putting enough sun block on. He hated to wear that stuff though; he kind of liked the feel of a nice healthy burn.  
  
  
  
He smelled her perfume as she ascended the stairs. Her hair up and looking just perfect, her skin radiant and her body just�.wow! He walked towards her ready to put his arms around her and kiss her neck. She loved that most of all. He closed his eyes and advanced towards her, smiling and hopeful that this was only the beginning� �Nick�  
  
  
  
�Yes honey?�  
  
  
  
�Oh God did you just call me honey? Wake the hell up!� Nick grimaced when she opened her mouth and a male voice came out. Figures she was possessed�that explained so much really.  
  
  
  
�Nick wake up!� He opened his eyes to find Kevin hitting him on the shoulder. �Ow! What the hell man?�  
  
  
  
�I think we�re lost!�  
  
  
  
�You woke me up to tell me that?�  
  
  
  
�No�I woke you up to get you to look at the map again�honey!�  
  
  
  
Nick scowled at Kevin as he grinned, �You were having a good dream I take it?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah until you and your stupid hat had to spoil it.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry�now where the heck are we? I�ve been driving for over an hour and I don�t see anything even close to a lake around here.�  
  
  
  
�Why didn�t you just stop and ask somebody?�  
  
  
  
�Who am I going to ask a gopher or something? If you can�t tell there�s not a whole lot of traffic up here.�  
  
  
  
�You could have pulled off to the side and read your own damn map,� Nick said as he continued to nurse his arm, �That really hurt! I bet I�m going to bruise!�  
  
  
  
�Stop being such a baby and tell me where we are.�  
  
  
  
Nick pulled open the map, �It looks like we�re in Kevin�s a jerk Ville�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned to his friend, �Oh does that mean we passed Nick can get out of my car and walk lane?�  
  
  
  
Nick answered with an eye roll before looking back down at the map, �So what have we passed?�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned his eyes back towards the road, confident that he had won that little battle, �We have passed trees�lots and lots of trees.�  
  
  
  
�But nothing else? Like no exits or streets or anything?�  
  
  
  
�There was a bale of hay a few miles back.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah�that�s not going to help me Kev.�  
  
  
  
�I think we went the wrong way Nick.� Nick bit his bottom lip, fearing that this was going to happen. Why was he put in charge of the map? Kevin knew better right? _There was no way that Kevin could possibly blame him for this. No way!_  
  
  
  
�You know that�s why I asked you if you were sure about which way to go.� _Okay way�definitely way._  
  
  
  
�I thought we were going the right way��  
  
  
  
�Well obviously, I don�t think you�d purposely steer us in the wrong direction.� He was pissed and Nick could tell because of the way he kept tensing his hands on the steering wheel. He never understood why Kevin was so intense. He really did worry that one day he�d get a phone call from Kristin saying her husband�s head had finally exploded off his shoulders.  
  
  
  
�Just relax Kevin we�ll get there��  
  
  
  
�Yeah but by then the fish will be gone.�  
  
  
  
�What? The fish won�t be gone Kev�it�s not like they work in shifts or anything.�  
  
  
  
�But they just don�t bite as hard when it gets later. How far off do you think we are?�  
  
  
  
�Not sure.� He didn�t want to rile Kevin up anymore than he already was, but his guess was at least an hour of backtracking had to be done to find where they hopped onto route 9.  
  
  
  
�Next time you�re not sure of where you�re going��  
  
  
  
�I told you I wasn�t sure.�  
  
  
  
�No you didn�t.�  
  
  
  
�Yes I did, when you asked I wasn�t sure.�  
  
  
  
�But then you said you WERE!�  
  
  
  
�I lied.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I noticed�I knew that was going to happen.�  
  
  
  
�Well you know what Kevin? It�s all YOUR fault for putting me in charge of the map anyway!�  
  
  
  
�I know.� Nick grimaced; Kevin always knew what to say to make himself win an argument. All he had to do was say how was it my fault? And Nick could have used what he had been saving inside of him since he was abruptly woken up. The whole _you are better at directions than me_ argument�but NO Kevin has to admit fault leaving no room for Nick to argue the point any further and in essence taking all the blame.  
  
  
  
�Damn you Kevin!�  
  
  
  
�Excuse me?�  
  
  
  
�You just always blame me for everything.�  
  
  
  
�Nick I only blame you for things when it�s rightly your fault�like now.�  
  
  
  
And that was pretty much how their relationship worked, as long as they had known each other, butting heads over every little thing.  
  
  
  
Nick always said Kevin was the one person in the band he didn�t want to ever be like. He sometimes even found himself hating Kevin�when he was younger. As he got older his opinion of his eldest band mate changed. He found himself admiring Kevin and even trying to emulate him. They were so much alike in so many ways, but both of them would never openly admit that. �Well I�m sorry then okay?� Nick huffed, playing his sympathy card now; make him feel guilty for berating the poor sleeping boy he had already hit in the arm.  
  
  
  
�Apology accepted.� _Ugh did it again!_ �I�m sure we�ll get there in plenty of time to catch a few fish,� Kevin said nodding at the road ahead of him.  
  
  
  
�You know Kev�� Nick sighed, �Oh never mind.� And Kevin couldn�t help but smile.  
  
  
  
They drove for about fifteen minutes in silence, Kevin basking in his silent victory while Nick sulked about losing, all the while rubbing at his arm.  
  
  
  
�Your arm still hurting?� Nick nodded. �I�ll live.�  
  
  
  
�You sure?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�m sure.� _Nice and loud,_ �Smart ass.� _In a whisper._  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry I hit you.� Nick laughed, �Yeah I know�and thanks.�  
  
  
  
Nick decided to distract himself from the small spat he had and from the pins and needles that were still living in his legs from sitting for too long and decided to explore the depths of the glove compartment.  
  
  
  
�What are you doing?�  
  
  
  
�Just looking for stuff.�  
  
  
  
�Uh�you always go through people�s personal stuff?�  
  
  
  
�No�only yours.�  
  
  
  
�Lucky me.�  
  
  
  
�You hiding any girlie magazines in here Kevin?�  
  
  
  
�What do you think I�m AJ or something?� Nick ignored the last statement as he once again pulled out the can opener; �You are so weird Kev.� He investigated further to find a spoon, a pocketknife, three pairs of sunglasses, one of which Nick decided to claim as his own, the owners manual for the car, a hair scrunchy which once again Nick claimed as his own placing what little hair he had left on top of his head into a tiny pony tail which shot up making it look like he had a furry stump growing out of it, but probably the weirdest item of all...  
  
  
  
�Toothpaste?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah what about it?�  
  
  
  
�You have toothpaste in your glove compartment! What kind of raving psychopath are you?  
  
  
  
�First of all that comment made NO sense whatsoever, and secondly I guess I�m the kind that likes fresh breath, not that you would know what that�s like or anything.�  
  
  
  
�My breath is minty fresh thanks! Here smell,� He said moving in close to breath into Kevin�s face.  
  
  
  
�No get away from me!�  
  
  
  
�Smell me Kevin�Smeeeellll meeee�� He was talking like ET just for kicks now and as much as he didn�t want to Kevin found himself cracking up. �You are nuts you know that Carter?�  
  
  
  
�This is coming from a man who has tooth paste in his glove compartment. Bah to that!�  
  
  
  
�Well when you have fish breath you�ll be begging to use my toothpaste and I�ll laugh.�  
  
  
  
�Okay Kev�you do that.� Nick giggled as he placed everything back into the glove compartment. �Oh and don�t forget the scrunchy, Kris would kill you if she saw you wearing it.�  
  
  
  
�Why? I don�t have cooties.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah you do.�  
  
  
  
�I would take it off my head but my arm hurts SOOO much I can barely lift it,� He said pretending to reach for his hair and moaning as he did. So Kevin decided to help by reaching over and ripping it off himself. �OW! Jeez man what do you want to kill me or something on this trip?�  
  
  
  
�Hey that sounds like a plan!�  
  
  
  
�Aw now you hurt my feelings Kevin,� He said, playfully pouting.  
  
  
  
Kevin placed his arm on Nick�s shoulder and squeezed, that always made Nick feel good. That gesture said despite all the small arguing and fights he didn�t mean any of it. He never really did. It took Nick a long time to figure that out though. Many nights of bitching about Kevin to anyone who would listen, including Kevin himself.  
  
  
  
�Hey look! We�re at the beginning all over again, now shall we take the road less traveled?� Nick nodded, �Um...yeah I think it�s that one.�  
  
  
  
�Are you sure this time?�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Kevin.�  
  
  
  
And he did, as he turned down Rural route nine going in the RIGHT direction FINALLY.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

****

**3**

  
  
  
  
  
  
Nick looked down at his watch thinking it was so much later than it actually was. Could it be possible that he was already bored with this trip even before reaching the destination? Why on earth did he agree to do this? Fishing wasn�t something he actually ever even had the urge to do. His father had tried more than once to coax him out to fish but Nick always found ways to get out of it.  
  
  
  
Aaron by default ended up being Bob Carter�s fishing buddy which by all accounts was just fine with Nick. He loved his dad, enjoyed his company but just like his mother and everyone else in his family, he began slowly distancing himself away from the drama. He had yet to even say more than a few words to his new step mother and had no desire to go to their wedding which he was certain only helped to further distance father from son.  
  
  
  
�Well?� Nick looked over at Kevin and shrugged, �Well what?�  
  
  
  
�Haven�t you been listening to what I have been saying...Damn you know what? Never mind you totally weren�t listening to me at all!�  
  
  
  
Nick bit at his bottom lip, feeling guilty but it was true, he had managed to drown Kevin out with his own thoughts. He did that often and it irked everyone in his band. �Sorry�I was just thinking about my dad.�  
  
  
  
�Why?�  
  
  
  
�I don�t know�probably because he always wanted me to do this with him.�  
  
  
  
�Really? Your dad doesn�t strike me as the fishing type.�  
  
  
  
�And I do?�  
  
  
  
�I never said that.�  
  
  
  
�But you implied it by asking me to come with you.�  
  
  
  
There were a few moments of silence in which Nick could tell Kevin was thinking of something mean and hurtful to say, well in Kevin�s head it would come out witty and clever but in the sudden mood swing he had just encountered thinking about his family, anything from Kevin�s mouth would end up hurting.  
  
  
  
Thankfully Kevin just shrugged off what he was going to say and instead decided to repeat himself, �I asked you if you liked the last song we recorded.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah� why?�  
  
  
  
�Just wondering, I�m not overly crazy about it and neither is Brian. Just trying to get your take on it.�  
  
  
  
�It�s a song; it�s okay�as songs go I guess.�  
  
  
  
�What�s the matter Nick?�  
  
  
  
�What? Nothing why are you asking?�  
  
  
  
�Because you suddenly seem very humdrum.�  
  
  
  
�Just tired,� Kevin glanced over at Nick and frowned, �Okay�I won�t press.�  
  
  
  
�Thanks��  
  
  
  
�So there is something wrong than?�  
  
  
  
�What?�  
  
  
  
�You said thanks that means there�s something wrong and you�re thanking me for not pressing.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin who are you trying to be? One of the Hardy Boys?�  
  
  
  
�I�m surprised you know who they are.�  
  
  
  
�Why? Everyone knows who the Hardy Boys are Kev�sometimes you scare me.�  
  
  
  
�I scare you?�  
  
  
  
�Yup,� Nick said with a smile which made Kevin smile in return, happy to see that maybe the sadness he caught in his little brother�s eyes had passed for now.  
  
  
  
�Ooh a general store�you want to stop?� Nick fidgeted in his seat once again afraid that maybe it was some kind of trick question. Kevin didn�t wait for an answer and pulled into the driveway of the store making Nick grateful for the chance to get out of the car and stretch.  
  
  
  
�Wow I didn�t know tiny stores like this really existed,� Nick said stretching his legs and yawning as he walked towards the general store complete with a rocking chair sitting out front.  
  
  
  
The door opened with a small metallic ding which caused the one man in the store to look towards the door and then quickly look away. Nick walked behind Kevin as if he was a shadow, trying to hide from the eyes that oddly seemed to have no interest in him at all.  
  
  
  
�There�s the drinks,� Kevin said picking up his pace and walking towards the back of the store where an old fashioned ice box stood saying pop $1.25.  
  
  
  
�What do you want to drink Nick?� When there was no answer Kevin just grabbed him a Coke and closed up the box. �I got you a Coke.�  
  
  
  
�Okay�yeah cool�you think that�s a real head up there?� He asked pointing to a deer mounted on the wall.  
  
  
  
�Yup it certainly looks like one.�  
  
  
  
�Think they have a bathroom?�  
  
  
  
�We have one right behind the register son.� Nick nodded at the old man, �Thanks.�  
  
  
  
�Yip.�  
  
  
  
Kevin walked down one of the four aisles the store contained looking for something which they could snack on while fishing, deciding on a bag of corn chips and a package of peanut M&M�s.  
  
  
  
By the time he made his way to the counter Nick was out of the bathroom and smiled at Kevin. �You got me a Coke? I said I wanted chocolate Milk.�  
  
  
  
�No you didn�t.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I did Kev. I said I wanted chocolate milk.�  
  
  
  
�Nick you said no such thing.�  
  
  
  
�He�s right son, I didn�t hear you say anything like that at all.�  
  
  
  
Both Kevin and Nick looked over at the guy behind the counter who was very good at eavesdropping and couldn�t help but notice that he never took his eyes off of the paper he was reading. A tabloid that had a picture of Nick and Paris plastered on the front cover.  
  
  
  
Kevin grimaced when he saw that and Nick decided to move back to the end of the store to grab himself the milk that he asked for�well in his head anyway.  
  
  
  
�Do you know how to get to Guppy Lake sir?�  
  
  
  
The man nodded before licking his finger and then flipping the page, �It�s about twenty miles from here, just get back onto the road and head straight. You�ll run right into it.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah?�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh.�  
  
  
  
�Wow milk is cheap here Kev�� Nick said walking towards the counter carrying a gallon of Chocolate milk. �Nick what on earth are you going to do with all that milk?�  
  
  
  
�Duh Kevin�I�m going to drink it!�  
  
  
  
�A whole gallon?�  
  
  
  
�It�s really cheap Kevin�� Nick leaned in close to whisper into his friend�s ear, �It�s only $2.50 for an entire gallon!!�  
  
  
  
The old guy laughed, �Where do you usually get your milk son?�  
  
  
  
�Don�t mind him�he doesn�t get out much,� Kevin said almost embarrassed.  
  
  
  
�What?�  
  
  
  
The man finally put the paper down and added up the total leaving off the milk which Kevin forced Nick to place back into the fridge. �That�ll be $6.75� Kevin handed the money over to the man who counted the money and gave him back his change.  
  
  
  
�Have fun fishing boys�and be careful it�s hunting season.�  
  
  
  
�Thanks,� Kevin smiled and grabbed Nick by the arm and shuffled him out of there.  
  
  
  
�Hunting season? Why would we have to be careful?�  
  
  
  
�Because hunting season means people with big guns shooting stuff.�  
  
  
  
�Not randomly or anything right?�  
  
  
  
�Nick don�t worry no one will mistake you for a bear. Who by the way would know that milk is that cheap everywhere!�  
  
  
  
�A bear would know the price of milk?�  
  
  
  
�Yup�  
  
  
  
�You are such a liar man!�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed and shook his head before Nick continued.  
  
  
  
�I can�t believe you made me put my milk back.�  
  
  
  
�I can�t believe you actually did!� Nick looked over and sighed, he was right; he did exactly what Kevin had ordered him to do. �Seems like I have you well trained SON!�  
  
  
  
�Ugh�I just decided a gallon was too much for me, that�s all!�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh�right, and did you just actually say ugh?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I did, you have problem with that?�  
  
  
  
�Nope but if I did I�m sure you�d apologize for it because I have managed to train you well,� Kevin said surprising Nick by grabbing his cheeks and squeezing.  
  
  
  
�Ugh! Quit that, you loser!�  
  
  
  
�There�s the ugh again...�  
  
  
  
�Did you see my face on the cover of that magazine?� Kevin wanted to lie, or change the subject. He was hoping that Nick hadn�t noticed that. Truthfully, he wanted to grab the magazine out of the old guys hand and fling it across the room. He was so tired of seeing the same old garbage written about his friend.  
  
  
  
�Yeah I saw��  
  
  
  
�At least they used a good picture. Not the one of me crying like an ass!�  
  
  
  
Kevin placed an arm around his little brother, �Come on�.we�re almost there,� He said, opening the door and waiting until Nick was in all the way before handing him the bag and closing it.  
  
  
  
Once in the car, Kevin adjusted his seat, placing his seatbelt on, �Seatbelt!�  
  
  
  
�You�re not the boss of me Kev�� But one of those �looks� Kevin perfected over the course of the eleven years he had known Nick, made the almost balding brunette ugh once again and fasten his seatbelt; of course making Kevin smile.  
  
  
  
�So you said we�re almost there?�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh, according to that guy he said it�s down the road a few miles.�  
  
  
  
�Okay, cool. So you think we�re going to run into any hunters or anything?�  
  
  
  
�I highly doubt it, but I guess you never know.�  
  
  
  
�Bears like water�what if they show up while we are fishing?�  
  
  
  
�Nick has anyone ever told you that you worry too much?�  
  
  
  
�Me?� Nick snorted, which caused Kevin to look his way and laugh, �I worry too much?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah you do�actually, about dumb things like bears eating you or getting shot by hunters.�  
  
  
  
�We�ll see how dumb it is when that old geyser back there is mounting your head up on his wall.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah that�ll show me��  
  
  
  
�He�s going to mistake those brows of yours for raccoons.� Kevin shook his head, �Hey that guy has raccoons on his face better shoot em�, gist in case yip yip yip.�  
  
  
  
�Nick people don�t hunt raccoons.�  
  
  
  
�Oh sure�that�s what you think.�  
  
  
  
�Weren�t you taking a nap before? Maybe you should continue?�  
  
  
  
�Sorry buddy, I�m wide awake now, and thirsty,� Nick fished through the bag and grabbed out a Coke.  
  
  
  
�Hey that�s mine! You wanted chocolate milk remember?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin I never said I wanted chocolate milk,� He said opening the bottle and chugging some out of there with a sheepish and slightly evil grin on his face.  
  
  
  
�I really do hope a bear eats you!�  
  
  
  
�No you don�t�you love me too much�and besides you got two Cokes anyway.�  
  
  
  
�Of course I did because I KNEW you were going to do that! You always do that. You say you want something but you end up eating or drinking whatever we all get instead.�  
  
  
  
�That is SO not true!� Nick said tearing open the bag of M&M�s  
  
Kevin just shook his head again as he watched Nick gulp his Coke.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

****

**4**

  
  
  
  
  
  
�You know, I bought that stuff to munch on while we were out there fishing not for a pre fishing snack just for you.�  
  
  
  
Nick glanced over; his hand full of M&M�s and offered them to Kevin, �No thanks; it�s too early for that crap.�  
  
  
  
�It�s never too early for M&M�s Kev.�  
  
  
  
Kevin sighed, �You should have eaten breakfast when I offered it to you this morning.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin it was way too early to even think about eating, my stomach was not fully awake yet.�  
  
  
  
�Well, tell your stomach to go back to bed because I want food left for fishing.�  
  
  
  
�You�re like really into fishing aren�t you?� Kevin ignored Nick and continued down the road. The sun was starting to shine high in the sky making it a little hard to see, �Hey go into the glove compartment and hand me a pair of sunglasses okay?�  
  
  
  
Nick clicked open the compartment and fished out a pair for Kevin and of course the other pair for himself. He sat there debating which ones to keep and which ones to hand over, trying them both on, lowering them to the front of his nose and saying, �Why�.hello there pretty lady.�  
  
  
  
�What the hell are you doing?�  
  
  
  
�I need to see which pair suits me.�  
  
  
  
�You plan on flirting with the fishes?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin when you try to be funny it just doesn�t work.�  
  
  
  
�Whatever�just hand me my sunglasses,� Kevin reached over and took the pair he liked best right off of Nick�s face.  
  
  
  
�Ouch, why do you keep abusing me on this trip?�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head and put on his glasses, �See? Now I look good in these.�  
  
  
  
�You look old in those. You look like some Burt Reynolds wannabe.�  
  
  
  
�So I guess they looked better on you then?�  
  
  
  
�Hell yes everything looks better on me.�  
  
  
  
�So you�re the old Burt Reynolds wannabe?�  
  
  
  
Nick not being able to come back with a witty reply, just pffted at Kevin who smirked in return.  
  
  
  
They sat in the car in total silence for the next ten minutes, Nick shifting his position about twenty times. Kevin forgot how annoying he could be in a car� Actually he didn�t forget, he blocked it out.  
  
  
  
�Whoa! How come I didn�t see this before?�  
  
  
  
�See what?� But a glance over towards Nick answered his question as he saw Nick playing with a bobble head dog.  
  
  
  
�I thought that thing was broken.�  
  
  
  
�No it ain�t Kev�look it�s bobbing�I�m a bobble head dog yup I am.�  
  
  
  
�He was on the dashboard but he fell off, where did you find him?�  
  
  
  
�He was in this pocket over here. I have to admit I�m kind of surprised that you have one of these.�  
  
  
  
�It�s Kristen�s not mine. We bought it together at some kind of flea market. She said it matched the car.�  
  
  
  
Nick held it up to the dash, �Yeah she�s right it does. I think I�ll call him Winky.�  
  
  
  
�Winky?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah he kind of looks like he�s winking, doesn�t he?�  
  
  
  
�I�ll take your word for it.�  
  
  
  
�Yup, he�s Winky.�  
  
  
  
�You take naming inanimate objects very seriously I see.�  
  
  
  
�Well technically he�s not really inanimate. He IS moving.�  
  
  
  
�Oh right, silly me.�  
  
  
  
�Winky Wrinkly Winkerson�.he�s my Winkly friend��  
  
  
  
Kevin raised his eyebrows as Nick burst into song about the stupid bobble head dog, hitting his head with every word. �You are much too easily amused kid.�  
  
  
  
�Winky�.rhymes�.with pinky�.rhymes with�.� Nick bit his bottom lip trying to think of another word.  
  
  
  
�Stinky�� Kevin added.  
  
  
  
�Hey you�re right!! Thanks man.� The level of excitement in Nick�s voice made Kevin laugh. There was just something about this kid that always got to him. Nick drove him nuts but there was something about him.  
  
  
  
�Winky�s my stinky stinky�.friieeeennnndddd.� Just as Nick held out the last word he hit the bobble head a little too hard and it broke off, the poor puppy�s head fell into his lap and rolled onto the floor.  
  
  
  
�Oops.�  
  
  
  
Kevin saw it all out of the corner of his eye and tried his best to not laugh or act like he knew what happened. �Oops what?�  
  
  
  
�Nothing�um�everything�s all good.�  
  
  
  
�Did you break Winky Nick?�  
  
  
  
�Perhaps? Let�s say I did�how would you feel about that?�  
  
  
  
�The same way I always feel�that you�re a giant bonehead.�  
  
  
  
�Oh well in that case, yeah I broke his head off.�  
  
  
  
�God you are the most destructive person I have ever known!� Kevin turned towards Nick ready to lay into him again just as one of their tires blew, sending both men forward.  
  
  
  
Nick hit his head on the glove compartment as Kevin hit the steering wheel hitting the breaks and clumping over towards the side of the road.  
  
  
  
�What the hell just happened?� Nick asked gradually moving himself back to an upright position holding his head as he did.  
  
Kevin turned towards Nick, his face a little pale, �I think we just got a flat�are you okay?� Nick nodded, �You?� Now it was Kevin�s turn to nod.  
  
  
  
�Well that explosion took about twenty years off of my life.� Kevin said opening his door and stepping out to look at the damage. Nick followed him shortly after; as he stepped outside he looked at Kevin who was crouched down staring at the back passenger side tire, �Yup this one totally blew! This sucks!�  
  
  
  
�We aren�t having very good luck on this trip are we?� But Kevin didn�t answer Nick, instead he walked over to his friend who was still holding his hand to his head, �Did you hurt yourself?�  
  
  
  
Nick shook his head but Kevin ignored him, opting to pull Nick�s hand away and take a look for himself.  
  
  
  
�You are hurt! Jesus Nick how come you took off your seatbelt?� Kevin�s voice was stern and firm, much the same way it tended to be when he was in his worst moods. Nick always chose to avoid Kevin when he would get like that and sighed when he realized he was now going to incur the wrath.  
  
  
  
�I just took it off for a minute to get the stupid head��  
  
  
  
�You�re lucky you didn�t go through the windshield!�  
  
  
  
�Relax Kevin it�s no big deal.�  
  
  
  
�NO big deal? Well you�re freaking head is bleeding a little bit.�  
  
  
  
Now Nick looked alarmed, �It is?�  
  
  
  
�A little yeah.� Kevin walked away from Nick and suddenly felt the need to kick the car. Nick seeing Kevin start to lose it, went over to try to calm his friend down, first putting his shirt up to his head to wipe the small amount of blood away.  
  
  
  
�Kev, it�s no big deal�you have a spare right?�  
  
  
  
Kevin just stood there biting on his bottom lip, �Nick, you have to be more responsible�what if we hit another car?�  
  
  
  
�What are you talking about? God Kev�it�s a flat tire we�ll live.�  
  
  
  
�That�s not the point.�  
  
  
  
�And what is? To blame me randomly for something?�  
  
  
  
�No�.but�forget it, I�m not getting into this with you right now.�  
  
�I don�t understand why you are so mad at me; you were the one driving the damn car.�  
  
  
  
Kevin tried to ignore Nick and opened his trunk taking out the spare tire.  
  
  
  
�Go in the back and get me the jack please.� He said passing Nick and motioning for him to help.  
  
  
  
�Do you know how to even do this Kev?�  
  
  
  
�I have changed a tire or two in my day.�  
  
  
  
Nick walked over with jack in hand and handed it to Kevin who was already sitting on the ground ready to start his mission.  
  
  
  
�What do you want me to do?�  
  
  
  
�Just stay out of my light��  
  
  
  
�Fine!� Nick said walking away kicking up pebbles as he did. These little temper tantrums were a big part of the reason why Nick seldom enjoyed Kevin�s company back in the good old days. Not even that far back. On the hundred hour tour, he thought he was going to end up killing Kevin because it seemed that every little thing he did, Kevin would pick up on and nag him about. Being late, eating too much, smiling too little, you name it and Nick got blamed for it. Just thinking back on those days made Nick yearn for a cigarette so he grabbed his pack from his jeans and lit up.  
  
  
  
�Shit!� Kevin yelped followed by a few more choice expletives. Nick shook his head and made his way back over to the car, just as Kevin was lowering it off the jack.  
  
  
  
�You okay?�  
  
  
  
�Yup, just fine and dandy.� Kevin said while wiping the dirt off his pants. Nick extended his hand for Kevin to take but instead he refused it and helped himself up, �Fine�just trying to help.�  
  
  
  
�If you want to help you can drop the cancer stick. No smoking in my car.�  
  
  
  
�I�m almost done just a few more puffs.�  
  
  
  
�Okay see? That�s what I�m talking about. You�re reckless Nick!�  
  
  
  
�What the hell?�  
  
  
  
�You�you aren�t taking care of yourself. You smoke, you drink, and you drive without your seatbelt on all the time��  
  
  
  
�Jesus enough about the seatbelt.�  
  
  
  
�All the time!� Kevin said now moving in closer to Nick, �What�s gotten into you?�  
  
  
  
�Oh you know what? I�m done. Have fun on your stupid fishing trip, I�m going home,� Nick said throwing the butt of his cigarette at Kevin as he passed him by.  
  
  
  
�You�re going to walk home?�  
  
  
  
�Walking is better than staying and listening to your crap! It�s not even 9 am and already I�m being lectured by St. Kevin�well spare the lecture, I�m out of here.�  
  
  
  
�Yup walk away! Go ahead that�s what you do best!� That made Nick stop in his tracks.  
  
  
  
He heard Kevin approach so he turned around, arms folded in a defensive pose, �When things get too rough for you just run away. Don�t deal with it, hell no just run away.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not running away from anything you just happen to be annoying the crap out of me!�  
  
  
  
That made Kevin smile, �Okay fair enough�I�m sorry I yelled at you.� He had now caught up to Nick and as he got closer he also had managed to calm himself down. �It�s just that, I worry that�s all.�  
  
  
  
�No need to worry, I�m a big boy and can take care of myself.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�ve heard that before.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not AJ.� And there was the comparison, it happened at least once a week. One of them comparing his behavior to AJ�s just before he had gone totally out of control.  
  
  
  
�I know you�re not AJ, if you were I probably wouldn�t be so worried�� Nick put his head down; Kevin could tell he was trying to digest that latest exchange. �Come on�let�s get back on the road, we�re really almost there barring another disaster.�  
  
  
  
Nick rolled his eyes and once again brushed past Kevin but this time heading back towards the car. �Boy I�m having a great time so far Kevin, this has been great�� The sarcasm dripping from his voice was enough to make Kevin sigh as he followed his friend back to the car.  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

****

**5**

  
  
  
  
  
  
They sat in the car in total silence as Kevin took a minute to readjust his seat, check the mirrors and fasten his seatbelt, maybe this was a bad idea he thought to himself as he looked at Nick who had his hands folded in front of him, looking ahead and sulking. When Kevin decided on going fishing there was no question in his mind, he wanted to invite Nick. They had barely spent any time together anymore, especially when he started dating Paris.  
  
  
  
The way he separated himself from the guys and tried to meld into a more �it� crowd only made Kevin worry more. That plus the late night partying, the constant tabloid reports, the fighting, the kissing in public. None of that was Nick.  
  
  
  
He knew it sounded selfish but he was happy to hear about the breakup. While AJ seemed to think Paris was a good thing for Nick, Kevin knew better. He knew that Nick was a chameleon in every sense of the word. Trying his hardest to blend into any situation. That meant drinking even if he didn�t want to, hanging out with people he didn�t enjoy and always being in the spotlight to please his girlfriend. Nick was a ham, and of course he loved being the center of attention, everyone in show business does, but this newfound relationship escalated that fame to an uncomfortable level for him.  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry for throwing my cigarette butt at you�� Kevin turned to Nick who still was sitting in his sulking position but now was making eye contact. The start of the cooling down process.  
  
  
  
�It�s okay, I guess I deserved it.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah you kind of did.�  
  
  
  
�You know if you say something like that AFTER you apologize it makes the apology not valid anymore.�  
  
  
  
Nick shook his head, �Sorry I didn�t know there was apology etiquette.�  
  
  
  
�If you open my CD holder, you�ll find a box of band aids. You should grab one for your head.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin! You are shittin� me. You even have band aids in here?� Kevin laughed, �Always be prepared�that�s my motto. Go ahead take one out, I�ll put it on you if you�d like.�  
  
  
  
Nick opened up the hidden compartment and grabbed the box, �Winnie the Pooh? Should I even ask?�  
  
  
  
�Do you want me to put one on your head before we take off?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin, I am NOT putting a Winnie the Pooh band aid on my head.�  
  
  
  
�Okay suit yourself but don�t go bleeding all over my car.�  
  
  
  
Kevin put the key in the ignition and smiled when he saw Nick grab a bandage out of the box, �Okay fine I�ll put on a stupid Winnie the Pooh band aid.�  
  
  
  
�I knew you would.�  
  
  
  
�Is it on right? Did I miss my cut?� Kevin glanced over and laughed, �Aw you look very cute Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Shut the hell up.�  
  
  
  
�It goes very well with your badass boots!�  
  
  
  
�Are you done yet?�  
  
  
  
�Not quite� seatbelt!�  
  
  
  
�For the love of God, I was getting to it�� Nick said as he reached behind him and pulled his seatbelt to the front.  
  
  
  
�Now I�m done.� Kevin said as he turned back onto the road.  
  
  
  
�So you never answered my question Kevin, why do you have these�� He pointed to his head, �in your car?�  
  
  
  
�Seems like you should be thanking me for being so prepared.�  
  
  
  
�Some call it prepared, others call it anal.�  
  
  
  
�You�re welcome.� Kevin said shaking his head.  
  
  
  
�Okay, thank you�but Winnie the Pooh? And don�t say it�s Kristen�s idea.�  
  
  
  
�If you must know they actually belong to Jackie. She bought them for Baylee.�  
  
  
  
�Brian�s Mom?�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh. She borrowed my car because it was bigger and theirs was in the shop. She left them here.�  
  
  
  
�So you stole them from a baby?�  
  
  
  
�Yes Nick I stole them from one baby to give to another one!�  
  
�Too bad there wasn�t any Tigger ones in there. He�s cool.�  
  
  
  
�Enough about band aids�does your head hurt?�  
  
  
  
�Nope, well not too bad anyway.�  
  
  
  
�Good.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin can I ask you something?�  
  
  
  
�You just did.�  
  
  
  
�Huh?�  
  
  
  
�When you said can I ask you something that was asking me something.�  
  
  
  
�What? You�re giving me a headache.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry, ask away.�  
  
  
  
�Do you really think I run away from everything?�  
  
  
  
Kevin shifted in his seat, feeling bad for saying that in the first place. That was always one if his biggest flaws, not thinking before he spoke, especially when he was mad.  
  
  
  
�Sometimes you do Nick, not all the time though.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t mean to, it�s just hard to deal with things sometimes you know?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah, I know.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t mean to make it seem like I run away from my problems.�  
  
  
  
�Nick I was just angry okay? How long have you known me?�  
  
  
  
�Long enough to know even though you don�t mean to say things, what you say you mean.� There was no arguing with that statement because Nick had pretty much hit the nail on the head.  
  
  
  
�You�ve had a hard year kiddo, you�re dealing with it the best you can.� And wasn�t that the truth?  
  
  
  
Nick had an abysmal year, between his parents volatile divorce, his dad�s sudden engagement to a woman almost as young as his step sister. His mom being arrested, his sister getting into trouble, Paris. There was a lot of crap going on in the 24 year old�s life.  
  
  
  
Probably what had alarmed Kevin most was the fact that Nick never wanted to talk about any of it. When he was a child, he wouldn�t shut up about things, going to the boys for every little thing. They all knew that he took the little brother in the group role, very seriously.  
  
  
  
After the hiatus, things changed. When they knew something was bothering him and they would ask, he�d just shrug them off, �It�s nothing�� He�d say before walking away and turning into his usual goofball self.  
  
  
  
They were all able to see through it, but yet it was almost impossible to call him on it. How do you handle a situation like that? Do you say�come on Nick I know you�re upset because seriously if my album flopped and my family was falling apart I know I�D be a wreck. Exactly, not the easiest thing in the world to talk about, so no one did.  
  
  
  
Besides Brian, it was probably Kevin who took the whole solo album the hardest, and not because Nick wanted to go solo at all. It was the first time he had ever made a huge decision all by himself, without asking for any guidance and THAT had hurt Kevin more than the actual solo deal did. It was like he had dismissed them all to do something just for himself. Everyone was mad and they had every right to be.  
  
  
  
That was Nick though, and once he made them understand where he was coming from they felt better. When the album flopped, it hurt them all, even though no one would ever think it would. Even their own fans figured the rest of the boys would think it served him right for going on his own, but they wanted him to do well. The boys knew how important it was for him. They loved him.  
  
  
  
�What are you thinking about?� Kevin sighed and looked over at his friend who was now taking the band aides and making a rope out of them.  
  
  
  
�Don�t waste those.�  
  
  
  
Nick stopped and put the three bandage chain down, �Sorry�so you looked like you were day dreaming, which is a little scary because you�re driving and all.�  
  
  
  
�Nick has anyone ever told you that you are the WORST backseat driver ever!�  
  
  
  
�No, but I have heard that I am the cutest Backdoor Boy.�  
  
  
  
�You really like that nickname don�t you?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�ve always gotten a kick out of that one.�  
  
  
  
�I prefer the Backside Boys myself.�  
  
  
  
�You know there are people that write about stuff like that.�  
  
  
  
�Excuse me?�  
  
  
  
�Our fans write about us all getting it on�supposedly. That�s the rumor anyway.�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head, �And who told you this?�  
  
  
  
�Some girl once� she said there are stories where we cuddle.�  
  
  
  
�We cuddle?�  
  
  
  
�Yup�and give ourselves cute little nicknames like Snoopy and Scooter pie.�  
  
  
  
�Ooookay then�I think our fans need to get out more.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, then turned his head excited towards his window, �Well I�ll be damned, is that water I see?�  
  
  
  
�Wow we actually found it!� Kevin said turning onto the road which led to Guppy Lake.  
  
  
  
�Don�t you mean that I found it?�  
  
  
  
�No Nick, I meant WE found it.�  
  
  
  
�Whatever you say�Snoopy.�  
  
  
  
�Call me that again and I�ll kick your ass.�  
  
  
  
�Yup they always write you as the mean one. I�m the sensitive one.�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Nick!�  
  
  
  
�Hey Kevin?�  
  
  
  
�What?�  
  
  
  
�Did you happen to bring a fishing pole for me?� Kevin bobbed up and down hitting his head on the steering wheel in frustration.  
  
  
  
�Don�t you think you maybe should have asked me that BEFORE we left this morning?�  
  
  
  
�I just thought of it.�  
  
  
  
Kevin took the key out of the ignition and opened his door, �You�re lucky that I know what a forgetful ding dong you are so yes I brought you a fishing pole.�  
  
  
  
�Forgetful ding dong?�  
  
�Yes that�s what I said.� Now Nick was getting out of the car and stood beside Kevin as he opened the trunk and handed the fishing poles to his friend, the forgetful ding dong.  
  
  
  
�And you know why I didn�t think of the whole fishing pole thing Kevin?�  
  
  
  
Kevin ignored him as he quickened his pace and headed for the water.  
  
  
  
�Because I don�t fish!�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned towards Nick just long enough to shoot him the finger and then turned back towards the water.  
  
  
  
�Oh that�s IT! You are so NOT my Snoopy anymore! I�m going for Howie he�s more my type!�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Nick!�  
  
  
  
�Jealous?�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned back to Nick who was now running to keep up; tripping over his feet in the big bulky boots he was wearing and using the fishing poles as if they were skis. �God please keep me from drowning this child before the day is over�in your name I pray.�  
  
  
  
Once Nick was next to Kevin he grabbed one of the fishing poles, �Okay ready to fish?�  
  
  
  
�Yup, I guess.�  
  
  
  
Kevin pat Nick on the back and together they walked down to the lake.  
  
  
  
�I guess you can be my Snoopy again.�  
  
  
  
�I swear I�m going to drown you!�  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

****

**6**

  
  
  
  
  
  
They sat at the waters edge, the sun shimmering on the water making the small waves dance as it passed over small rocks and twigs. Kevin had his bait box opened and searched its contents ignoring Nick who was sitting there and staring at him. He looked like a man on a mission, that his very life depended on whatever was in that box.  
  
  
  
�Kevin, I think my pole is broken.� He said after a few minutes of staring at Kevin hoping that his older friend would feel his gaze and look up. The way Kevin was so intently staring into that box, Nick just knew he was going to get yelled at for interrupting him in the first place.  
  
  
  
�Why do you think your pole is broken? What did you do to it?� He answered rather calmly.  
  
  
  
�I did nothing to it, it just doesn�t look right.�  
  
  
  
�You were using it as a ski before.�  
  
  
  
�I didn�t break it; it�s just all well stringy and shit.� That made Kevin look up.  
  
  
  
�Stringy and shit? You know you have an incredible talent for description.�  
  
  
  
�Oh I could really describe you right now if you�d like than I�d be really descriptive��  
  
  
  
Kevin stood up and walked over to Nick, �Let me see it.� He said holding out his hand and examining the pole. �It�s fine.� He handed it back to Nick and once again sat down right under a tree with his tackle box.  
  
  
  
�It�s not broken? It�s supposed to be this stringy?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah Nick it�s supposed to be that stringy.�  
  
  
  
�I think you�re wrong.�  
  
  
  
�You always think I�m wrong but I�m always right aren�t I?�  
  
  
  
�Oh please�� Nick once again tried to make sense out of the mess in front of him. There was a long fishing line that looped around and around until it made its way into a coil eventually ending up in a neon plastic bag attached to a triangle.  
  
  
  
�Kevin is there supposed to be a triangle on this thing? I don�t get it.�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head, �Have some patience I�ll be right with you.�  
  
  
  
�This is the oddest thing I have ever seen. It looks like some damn alien fishing pole or something.�  
  
  
  
Nick stared at Kevin as he started working on his fishing pole, whistling a song as he did his thing and he couldn�t help but smile watching Kevin in action. The way he was threading and looping his fishing line like a seasoned pro all the while whistling� �What are you whistling?�  
  
  
  
Kevin stopped mid whistle, �You don�t recognize one of your songs?�  
  
  
  
�That�s one of my songs?� Kevin nodded still looking shocked that Nick didn�t realize that.  
  
  
  
�Which song is it?�  
  
  
  
Kevin began to whistle it again but slower and once Nick realized what it was he smiled, �I Got You.�  
  
  
  
�Yup, I love that song.� Nick beamed with pride which made Kevin smile and continue his whistling as he assembled his pole.  
  
  
  
�So Kev�what�s the triangle for?�  
  
  
  
�Patience Nick, I�ll be there in a sec, just let me get mine all set up.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t have to kill a worm or anything right man?�  
  
  
  
�No worms will be hurt during the making of this fishing trip.�  
  
  
  
�Cool.�  
  
  
  
Once Kevin hit the chorus to I Got You Nick joined along in harmony, both whistling away. �You know we should make an all whistling album after this one.�  
  
  
  
�An all whistling album?�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, �Yeah can you imagine? Listen as the Backstreet Boys whistle their favorite tunes�also features a bonus humming track.�  
  
  
  
�I�m sure the fans will love that.� Kevin said standing up and admiring his handy work. �Our fans are never happy remember?�  
  
  
  
�Now Kevy Kev�that�s not a very nice thing to say. It�s true but not nice.�  
  
  
  
�Okay hand me your rod.�  
  
  
  
�Now once again that sounded like you want to cuddle with me Kevin and I�ll have none of that!�  
  
  
  
�Just hand it over smartass!�  
  
  
  
Nick giggled and handed Kevin his fishing pole. Once in his hand he started to loop the line around the rod like a seasoned pro.  
  
  
  
�This whole fishing thing looks complicated. I don�t get what all that stuff is for.�  
  
  
  
�Patience��  
  
  
  
�You know it�s funny because you have NO patience at all, if I said that to you you�d be freaking out.�  
  
  
  
�You know what the neat thing is though?�  
  
  
  
�What?�  
  
  
  
�You didn�t say it and I did, so patience Nick, why don�t you go try to catch a frog or something.�  
  
  
  
�Catch a frog?�  
  
  
  
�Or something.�  
  
  
  
�If I caught a frog I suppose you wouldn�t let me keep it in your car huh?�  
  
  
  
�Frogs aren�t meant to be kept in a car Nick, they�re meant to be kept out here in the wild.�  
  
  
  
�Then why are you telling me to go catch a frog?�  
  
  
  
�I just thought it�d be something you�d want to do.�  
  
  
  
�Oh so let me get this straight��  
  
  
  
�Oh boy�here we go.�  
  
  
  
�You look at me and think hey! Here�s a boy that wants to go fishing with me and catch frogs!�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked up, �Right now I�m thinking something else.�  
  
  
  
�Well that�s not very nice at all Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�So you�re psychic now?� Kevin laughed.  
  
  
  
�Are you almost done with that? According to you the fish are due for their mid morning break in a bit.�  
  
  
  
Kevin pulled the last hoop through the line, �Yup, all done.� He said handing the pole back over to Nick who held it in his hand as if it was something he had never in his life seen before.  
  
  
  
�Now what do we do?� Kevin looked over at his friend and smiled; �Now we fish!�  
  
  
  
�Guess any frog catching opportunities I may have had are gone huh?�  
  
  
  
�Yup...now come on follow me.� Kevin led Nick towards the water, as they got closer the slight moan of the water as it ran over the rocks could be heard. It was a peaceful sound, one you might hear on one of those serenity CD�s you buy in a new age store.  
  
  
  
�When I was little�� Kevin said as he put both of his feet in the water and submerged himself up to his ankles, �I was terrified to come into the water. My dad would try everything in his power to get me into the water but nothing would work.�  
  
  
  
�It looks a little rough�� Kevin nodded as he was struggling to stay standing.  
  
  
  
�It is, but after awhile the water calms down and you get used to it.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t know if I�ll get used to it.� Nick said now allowing his boot to hit the water but going no further.  
  
  
  
�Anyway, the only way I�d agree to get into the water with him was if he let me ride on his shoulders.�  
  
  
  
�You�re not going to make me ride on your shoulders are you Kev? Because it would make all those people who think we cuddle very happy.�  
  
  
  
�I�m beginning to think that you are one of those people Nick.� Kevin said turning around and smiling. �Now are you coming in or what?�  
  
  
  
�I�m getting there.� Nick said inching into the water a little more and gasping, �It�s cold in here.�  
  
  
  
�It�s early in the morning; the sun just came up, so of course it�s cold.�  
  
  
  
As Nick inched his way in a little farther now standing behind Kevin and holding his arms out to his side to balance himself he said, �So did that mean your poor father had you on his shoulders the entire time?�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head, �No, after awhile I wanted to see what it was like first hand.� The way Kevin was looking down at the rocks through the water you could tell his mind was drifting to that faraway place where his father still lifted him off his feet and held him on his shoulders.  
  
  
  
�Did you do this a lot with you dad?� Nick asked now standing right beside his friend, knowing how melancholy thought of his father made Kevin.  
  
  
  
�Not often enough.� He whispered in reply before looking up and grabbing onto Nick�s arm, noticing he was about to topple over, �Don�t worry you�ll be steady in a minute. It�s just like standing on the beach and letting the waves roll onto your feet.�  
  
  
  
�I think I should have worn different shoes, I feel like these are going to make me fall.� Kevin�s grasp on Nick�s arm was firm and stayed right there until finally Nick felt confident enough to stand straight.  
  
  
  
�The rocks are slippery, so you have to be careful or you will go down.�  
  
  
  
�Well it�s not like there�s man eating fish in here if I fall right?�  
  
  
  
Kevin ignored Nick and moved further into the water, now almost up to his knees. �Shit it is cold isn�t it?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin on every corny, sappy show I have ever seen of people fishing they are sitting on a dock, hanging a fish pole off the side and most importantly they are dry!�  
  
  
  
�Yeah maybe for regular fishing Nick, but this is fly fishing. Two totally different things.�  
  
  
  
�Of course you can�t like the normal fishing that would be too easy.�  
  
  
  
�Dad said there was something special about fly fishing and I�d have to agree.�  
  
  
  
Nick took a step towards Kevin and slipped on a rock falling down on his butt as he splashed down. �Son of a bitch!! God dammed mother of��  
  
  
  
Kevin turned, �Stop yelling or the bears will be drawn to you.� That shut Nick up real quick as he continued to sit in the water looking like an overgrown baby ready to take a bath in a sink.  
  
  
  
Kevin tried not to laugh as he walked over to Nick and helped him up. �I told you to be careful.�  
  
  
  
�Now my ass is all wet.�  
  
  
  
�So is your shirt.�  
  
�I suppose you have a spare somewhere in your car?�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled, �Of course I do but let�s not change just yet because I can tell this is going to happen more than once.�  
  
  
  
�Oh really? You think I�m that much of a klutz huh?�  
  
  
  
�I KNOW you�re that much of a klutz.�  
  
  
  
Nick made his way right next to Kevin now as they stood knee deep in the water, looking down at the moldy rocks and seeing small little guppies pass.  
  
  
  
�I didn�t know that yelling attracts bears.�  
  
  
  
�It doesn�t, I just didn�t feel like listening to your gutter mouth.�  
  
  
  
�Oh very nice Kevin, very nice.�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled and once again looked at the rocks. Thinking back to his childhood and the fond memories that fly fishing possessed for him. Just for a minute he regretted not asking his brothers to come with him instead. They would have appreciated this trip so much more than Nick. They could have reminisced, laughed and cried together. Those moments would be lost on Nick.  
  
  
  
�So tell me we aren�t going to fish for those little guppies right?�  
  
  
  
�Right.�  
  
  
  
�Because I can probably catch one of those in my mouth.�  
  
  
  
�I�d love to see you try.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I bet you would, that�s why I�m not gonna do it.�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh��  
  
  
  
�Because I wouldn�t want you to enjoy so much pleasure.�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh��  
  
  
  
�Hey! Are you tuning me out again?�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh��  
  
  
  
They stood in silence again staring at the water before Nick started humming I Got You which made Kevin smile.  
  
�So�you really like that song huh Kevin?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah Nick I really do.�  
  
  
  
Yes it would have been nice to have his brothers here but now he remembered why he invited his little brother. He needed this trip, almost as bad as Kevin did.  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**7**

  
  
  
  
  
  
Kevin loved fishing, it was a well kept secret, in fact so well kept that even his own cousin didn�t know about it. It�s not something he ever announced or talked about in interviews. He felt like it was sacred, something that should have been kept just to himself.  
  
  
  
When he would get small breaks in his schedule he often found himself out on a lake somewhere fishing. He would go alone, and often times ended up regretting that, choosing to make a mental note to remind himself to bring someone along for company.  
  
  
  
For Kevin, too much alone time meant too much thinking time. Sometimes he needed that time to sort out what was going on in his life, but other times it just made him feel so lonely.  
  
  
  
It was so rare that he got any alone time anymore he grew used to not missing it. It wasn�t until everyone had left a room and he was actually by himself, free to do whatever he wanted, that he would long for company.  
  
  
  
Once he became famous, he was no longer allowed to be by himself anymore without fans trying to figure out his whereabouts. If the guys even went so long as a week without seeing each other that was sure to spell a break up to everyone who cared a little too much about him and the members of his band.  
  
  
  
Those break up rumors grated on his nerves more than anything else. He hated to hear his fans talk about how much they all supposedly hated each other and so on. He had overheard two girls once, while he was leaving a performance of Chicago, talking about how Nick had single handedly ruined the boy�s careers and that it was his fault that things had gone sour and that they had broken up. Kevin was tempted to back track and say, �Actually its people like you! You�re the reason we needed a break. You guys want too much from us too often. We love you but we need room to breathe!�  
  
  
  
Even now he sometimes felt the same way. Just seeing the fans reactions to Nick�s relationship with the socialite from hell or when he would be captured in a picture (of course without his consent) away from his wife, or if AJ happened to be photographed anywhere near a bar, the way the fans reacted almost made Kevin nauseous.  
  
  
  
How he wished that he could follow some of those girls around all day every day and pick apart every little detail of their lives. Then maybe they�d appreciate what his life had become.  
  
  
  
�What are you thinking? Are you mad at me or something?� Kevin looked away from the water and over at Nick who was holding his fishing rod incorrectly and looked like he was having a horrible time standing in the cold water, still trying to find his balance.  
  
  
  
�Are you regretting your decision to come with me?�  
  
  
  
Nick tilted his head confused, �Did I say anything to make you mad? I swear to God I have been completely quiet for at least a whole ten minutes.�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled, �Yeah that has to be some record for you.�  
  
  
  
�So why are you mad at me?�  
  
  
  
The look on Nick�s face was one of confusion and hurt. �I�m not mad at you Nick, I was actually just thinking about our fans.�  
  
  
  
�Oh�okay, well you were just staring at the rocks and giving them that disgusted look you usually give me.� He said, letting out what was probably a sigh of relief.  
  
  
  
�The look I usually give you?�  
  
  
  
�Yup, I like to call it the Kevin look�you should be honored a look has your name attached to it.�  
  
  
  
�Oh yes I�m thrilled�and I suppose everyone knows about this Kevin look except for me huh?�  
  
  
  
�Well now you know too� so congrats!�  
  
  
  
Kevin rolled his eyes and cast his pole over his head once more before throwing the rod into the water, �I was just thinking about how sometimes our fans can be kind of well��  
  
  
  
�Rude? Psycho? Strange? Odd?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah all of the above.�  
  
  
  
�I�m sure they�d love to know we talk about them like this.�  
  
  
  
�Actually I�m sure most of them think that�s all we talk about.�  
  
  
  
�Yup those are the ones that scare me the most.� Nick said trying to imitate Kevin�s movements with his fishing pole but only succeeding in getting the line caught on his head.  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed and made his way over to his friend, �You are so spastic� really Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Well Jesus sorry if I have no clue what the heck I�m doing, it�s not like I�ve ever done this before.�  
  
  
  
�You know what? I�m going to start charging you a dollar for every damn time you say that to me.�  
  
  
  
�What? That I�ve never done this before?�  
  
  
  
�That�s one dollar right there!�  
  
  
  
�Hey no fair! You can�t make rules up like that.�  
  
  
  
Kevin stood next to Nick, holding his shoulder and trying to unknot the fishing line which was coiled around the younger one�s head. �How did you do this?�  
  
  
  
�I was just trying to toss it around like you were.�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head as he continued to untangle Nick.  
  
  
  
�Ouch man you�re like pulling my hair out!�  
  
  
  
�Then stop moving.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not moving I�m standing still.�  
  
  
  
�If you were standing still I wouldn�t say you were moving.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not moving.�  
  
  
  
�Nick stop moving!�  
  
  
  
�Is it really that caught that you need to tug on me like that or is it�damn wow look at the size of that freaking frog!�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned his head in time to see a huge bullfrog hop from one rock to another forgetting he had Nick�s head in his hands.  
  
  
  
�You�re breaking my neck dude!�  
  
  
  
�Sorry�but I wouldn�t be breaking your neck if you would just stand the hell still!�  
  
�Dude I hope you have more patience with your kids than you do with me, because if not they will totally be running away to their cool Uncle Nick�s house.�  
  
  
  
Kevin sighed, �Well then their cool Uncle Nick can explain to them why he STILL has a damn fishing line stuck on his head.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�ll just tell them it�s because their father dragged me to fly fish with him and I don�t know how to fish!�  
  
  
  
That�s two bucks!�  
  
  
  
�Damn! You just tricked me into saying that Kevin, I swear that�OUCH!�  
  
  
  
Nick took a step backward and of course lost his balance and once again ended up falling into the cold water, going underneath, but this time Kevin came right along with him.  
  
  
  
When they both resurfaced, Nick started laughing, �It�s cold as hell in here!�  
  
  
  
�I swear I�m going to drown you before today is over.� Kevin said looking around for his fishing pole, happy to see it floating right next to him.  
  
  
  
�Hey I�m untangled Kev�thanks,� Nick said standing up and smiling.  
  
  
  
�At this rate we�re never going catch a single fish.� Kevin said walking back to where he was standing earlier. He was cold now and felt the first few goose bumps form on his arms as he once again cast his line out into the lake.  
  
  
  
�Sorry about that, I think I�m just going to watch you do this for a little while first.�  
  
  
  
�Good idea�� Kevin said as Nick made his way over to where he was standing, �By the way, you never answered my question earlier.�  
  
  
  
�What question was that?�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked over at Nick, �Do you regret coming with me today?�  
  
  
  
Nick put his hand to his chin as if he was in deep thought, �Hrmm well this is another one of those trick questions isn�t it?�  
  
  
  
Kevin seemed disappointed by that answer, �Never mind.�  
  
  
  
�Kev�if I didn�t come I would have missed out on all this fun. I mean did we not just see the hugest bullfrog ever?�  
  
  
  
�Biggest Nick�biggest.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah that�s what I just said.�  
  
  
  
�No you just said�never mind, yes we saw the biggest bullfrog ever.�  
  
  
  
�That was cool.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed and shook his head, �Yup Nick it was really cool.�  
  
  
  
�Think he�ll pop out again? I mean you did say I should catch a frog didn�t you?�  
  
  
  
�Nick, if he does pop out again all you�ll do is wave to the thing because I�m not letting you take a frog into my car.�  
  
  
  
�Maybe if he pops out again I�ll catch him and let you give it a big wet sloppy kiss!�  
  
  
  
Kevin moved with his fishing line feeling something tug on it from beneath the water, he had hoped to catch at least five fish by now. He had only caught one big giant blonde like one so far and unfortunately no matter how hard he tried he couldn�t toss it back into the water for another one. Brunette, he corrected his thoughts; it was so weird to think of Nick as anything but a blonde.  
  
  
  
That thought found him looking over at his friend who was now watching the waves entranced by the small guppies swimming right through his legs. The look in his eyes mirrored one of a child at Christmas time.  
  
  
  
�You act like you have never seen a fish before. Are you sure you love the ocean?�  
  
  
  
�They are so small but yet have no fear at all, I mean here I am standing here with a damn fishing pole and yet these guppies are swimming right through my legs fearless.�  
  
  
  
�That�s probably because ten minutes ago they just saw that you had that fishing pole stuck to your head.�  
  
  
  
�Shut up maaan�I�m trying to be serious here and you like totally killed the moment.�  
  
  
  
�My bad�sorry, keep prattling on about the wonders of guppies and I�ll pretend to listen.�  
  
  
  
Nick sighed, �Forget it�sorry little dudes but Kevin doesn�t seem to see the great potential in you. Remember that� when you come back to take over the world!�  
  
  
  
�Take over the world?�  
  
  
  
�Yup, Guppy world domination but you know what? They�ll leave me be as their helper because I just said nice things about them.�  
  
  
  
�Oh they will huh?�  
  
  
  
�Yup, but you my friend will be toast.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t think so Nick, I mean you are fishing right now, that can�t look too good in their eyes.�  
  
  
  
�Do guppies have eyes?�  
  
  
  
Kevin refused to answer that question, �You know what�s sad? All your fans wouldn�t be the least but surprised that you have pledged allegiance to the guppy take over.�  
  
  
  
�You know what your fans would think�oh that�s right you don�t have any, my bad!�  
  
  
  
�That�s it!� Kevin said placing his rod once again on the water and walking towards Nick who let out a little girl scream as Kevin lunged at him, knocking him back down under the water.  
  
  
  
In the commotion, Kevin not noticing his fishing rod taking off with the currents of the lake.  
  



	8. Chapter 8

****

**8**

  
  
  
  
  
  
Kevin was wet and mad. Water dripping from him and chills down his spine; he was getting tired of wading in the water looking for his fishing rod. Trying to contain his anger he looked back at Nick who was doing the same thing. How dumb he had been to let go of it and play around in the water. By the time he had made his way back to where he had left it, it was gone.  
  
  
  
�It has to be here somewhere.�  
  
  
  
�Maybe the guppies heard you making fun of them and took it!�  
  
  
  
�Damn it Nick, this is serious!�  
  
  
  
�Jesus�sorry.�  
  
  
  
�You don�t see it anywhere?�  
  
  
  
�No, it�s not here Kev, maybe further downstream.�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned back towards the water, taking a deep breath and putting his face underneath to get a better look. Fish were all around him now, almost taunting him because he had lost his rod. It seemed to be the peak fishing time.  
  
  
  
He pulled his head back out of the water, �It�s supposed to float, and it shouldn�t have sunk to the bottom.�  
  
  
  
�Then why do you keep putting your head under?�  
  
  
  
�Just in case.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin, I have to get out of the water for a little bit, I can�t feel my feet and I think my nuts might have frozen right off.�  
  
  
  
�Just a few more minutes Nick, I don�t think it went that way��  
  
  
  
�Then why are you making me look over here?� Now Nick started to sound irritated. The way he used to right before the whining would start when he was little.  
  
  
  
His whining used to bother Kevin more than anything else, even more than the sometimes 16 hour days of practicing. Once he started with the �are we almost done?� and the, �I need to stop I�m so tired� Kevin would want to bat his head against the wall. He realized that in essence at the time they started out, Nick was a baby. But that didn�t much matter, it still grated on his nerves.  
  
  
  
�Stop whining Nick.�  
  
  
  
�What? I�m not whining I�m just letting you know I�m getting out of the damn water before I friggin freeze to death.�  
  
  
  
�God, are you so much of a baby that you can�t stay here for a few more minutes and help me look?�  
  
  
  
Nick, ignoring Kevin�s last comment started to head for the shore, which made Kevin boil inside. He turned his head disgusted and kept on looking, traveling further downstream as he went. Part of him was so mad, he wanted to get out of the water and have it out with the 24 year old. Then he had to stop and wonder why was it that Nick got under his skin so easily?  
  
  
  
Howie had a long talk about that with him on the Black and Blue tour. Things were so bad back then that Nick hardly wanted to spend any time at all around Kevin and visa-versa. Howie decided to pull Kevin aside and let him know that whether he realized it or not, he was always very hard on their youngest member. They could all be late for something but it was Nick that Kevin would single out, same when he sang out of tune or did a wrong dance move. No matter how many times the others did it, Kevin always managed to yell at Nick.  
  
  
  
Of course in Kevin�s stubbornness he at first refused to admit that. Until he saw himself doing it at a rehearsal they had. Everyone was running about fifteen minutes late and Kevin and Brian were the first ones there. Shortly after, AJ walked in followed by Nick. Even though literally less than five minutes went by between AJ and Nick�s arrival, when Nick walked into the room Kevin let him have it for being late.  
  
  
  
Howie walked in ten whole minutes after that and Kevin said nothing. �Why don�t you yell at Howie Kevin? You should yell at him like you yelled at me!� When he heard those words and saw Howie stare at him, he decided to make an effort to try not to be so harsh with Nick.  
  
  
  
He turned back to see Nick struggling to take his boots off, hopping on one foot as he pulled on the other, all the while cussing under his breath.  
  
  
  
�I hope he falls.� Kevin whispered and turned back to his mission.  
  
  
  
About a second later he heard a thud followed by a �Son of a bitch and a half!� Kevin couldn�t help but laugh.  
  
  
  
�Son of a bitch and a half?� He said turning back towards Nick who had indeed fallen on the rocks.  
  
  
  
�Yes got a problem with that?�  
  
  
  
Now just as Kevin was known to nag, Nick was known to have a temper and it was really showing now as he took his boots and flung them, whapping them against a tree which made Kevin turn around once again and look at the water.  
  
  
  
He had to find that rod. It shouldn�t have gotten that far away. He decided to turn back towards where Nick had been looking.  
  
  
  
�I told you it�s not over there!�  
  
  
  
�Maybe you missed it.�  
  
  
  
�Or maybe it�s not over there like I just said!�  
  
  
  
�Enough with the attitude.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry. I�m cold, hungry and I think I may have broken my leg!�  
  
  
  
That made Kevin sigh and rub at his temples, �Here comes the whining.�  
  
  
  
�Shut the hell up!�  
  
  
  
�Okay I give, what�s the problem?� Kevin asked finally allowing himself to get out of the water for a few minutes.  
  
  
  
Nick sat under a tree rubbing at his ankle, his whole body shivering. Suddenly Kevin felt bad; maybe he had really hurt himself.  
  
  
  
�No problem, I�m just pissy, ignore me.�  
  
  
  
�Let me see your ankle.�  
  
  
  
�What are you going to put a Winnie the Pooh Band-Aid on it?�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head and rolled his eyes as he approached his friend. He sat down next to him and surveyed the damage, or lack of damage.  
  
  
  
�Nick it�s not even swollen. I think you�ll live this time around.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t care if it�s not swollen it hurts!�  
  
  
  
�So, why are you pissy all of the sudden? I mean you were all smiles before.�  
  
  
  
When a few minutes went by without a reply Kevin just gave up. Nick was looking out towards the water; still shivering which prompted Kevin to walk back to the car and get them both some towels to dry off with. He needed to walk away from the situation for a minute.  
  
How could he lose that rod? It meant so much to him. What an idiot, more importantly how was he going to explain to his mother how he had lost the very last present his father had given him.  
  
  
  
He should have never taken it out, never.  
  
  
  
Walking back with two towels in hand as well as the left over snacks from the car, Kevin made his way back towards Nick, not overly excited to do so.  
  
  
  
�Here.� Kevin said extending a towel towards his friend.  
  
  
  
�Thanks.� Nick grabbed it and immediately wrapped it around his shoulders. He seemed calm now which made Kevin grateful. He didn�t like to be around a mad, angry Nick. That usually proved to be a bad thing, culminating in at least a bruise or black eye followed by a heart wrenching apology for losing his temper.  
  
  
  
Truth was he was really worried about the rage that lived inside Nick. He sometimes had no control of his anger anymore, like his emotions made him numb and then the more irrational side took over. He never hit Paris though, that much Kevin was sure of. He had seen her hit him plenty of times, sometimes just a nudge or a push but also he saw her violently attack him, hit him on the head repeatedly while he just stood there and took it. It happened a lot with many of his girlfriends.  
  
  
  
For whatever reason, they ended up being abusive to him. Not that Nick was perfect, God no, chances are he probably deserved a good amount of those little beatings but still, he never seemed to attach himself to people who were good for him. Same could be said for his friends as well.  
  
  
  
That was something else that the two of them have gone head to head about. The night at the club when the paparazzi attacked Nick, Kevin made sure to stand by his side, even in the car as he wiped his tears away. Later that night though, once they got to talking, they ended up in a fist fight. The subject was Nick�s newfound friends.  
  
  
  
Maybe it was the straw that broke the camel�s back, maybe it was one drink too many but all Kevin had to say was, �and it would probably help if you dumped some of those loser types you are hanging out with nowadays,� and Nick lost it. Before Kevin even knew what hit him, he had a huge shiner on his eye.  
  
  
  
Luckily when he and Kris went to a premiere the very next day, no one really asked about it. That�s when he thought about fishing and Nick. That night he wandered back home, iced his eye and took out his fishing rod, remembering very well the last conversation he had with his father ironically enough on the importance of fly fishing. How for some it was a hobby but for the true fisherman it was so much more.  
  
  
  
If Kevin had known that this conversation would be the last one they had face to face he probably would have basked in it. He might have stretched it out to last for hours; instead he could barely remember exactly what was said.  
  
  
  
When his dad was done, he handed him the fishing rod and told him to take good care of it, it might be the only link to sanity he could find. Kevin laughed and hugged his dad, thinking� well the fishing rod was nice but a car would have been so much better.  
  
  
  
�I�ll buy you another one if you want.� Kevin turned away from his thoughts and looked down at Nick before once again taking a seat next to him and breaking open the bag of Cheetos he brought along.  
  
  
  
�Hey where did those come from?�  
  
  
  
�I hid them on you so we�d actually have something to eat by the time we made it here.�  
  
  
  
�Hand them over I�m starving.� Nick grabbed the bag and popped some chips into his mouth, �Hey Kevin want some see food?� Before Kevin had a chance to answer Nick opened his mouth with the half eaten food in it.  
  
  
  
�Boy that never gets old for you does it?�  
  
  
  
�Nope.�  
  
  
  
�Well it should.�  
  
  
  
Nick giggled and took a sip of Kevin�s Coke.  
  
  
  
�So, like I said man, just tell me how much it cost and I�ll replace the rod for you.�  
  
  
  
�It�s not replaceable, besides why would you have to replace it?�  
  
  
  
�I don�t know, I just kind of think maybe you blame me for losing it?�  
  
  
  
�Not your fault this time.�  
  
  
  
�Oh really? Well that�s a first.�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled, �Yup probably a first and last.�  
  
  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes, looking out towards the water. Happily both of them were beginning to warm up.  
  
  
  
�My dad gave me that rod�� Kevin found himself confessing, �It was the last thing he gave me before he died.�  
  
  
  
Nick looked over at his friend, �I�m sorry.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah so am I.�  
  
  
  
�Kev, why didn�t you tell me that before?�  
  
  
  
�I don�t know.�  
  
  
  
�Because if you did, I never would have stopped looking.�  
  
  
  
�I guess it just didn�t cross my mind.�  
  
  
  
�No it�s been on your mind this entire time. It�s okay to open up to me man, I know when I was little it was different but I�m not little anymore. I�m your friend and that�s what friends do, they tell each other things.�  
  
  
  
�Don�t take this the wrong way Nick, but sometimes I still see you as a little kid.�  
  
  
  
�Well wow I think I might have a heart attack and die from surprise on that one! Duh Kevin I know.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed as Nick stood up and brushed the cheese from his pants. �So my belly�s full and now I�m all warm, let�s say we go in and see if we can find that rod?�  
  
  
  
�Even with your broken leg?�  
  
  
  
Nick stuck his middle finger up at Kevin but then lent him his hand to help him up, �Come on old man�let the quest for the fishing rod now continue!�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled and pat Nick on the back as they walked back towards the water.  
  


  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

****

**9**

  
  
  
  
  
  
This time it was Nick who waded in the water as Kevin stood walking along the shore following Nick. He was just about to head into the water when he realized that his ankle was mildly swollen. Turns out while the drama queen thought he had broken himself; Kevin actually was the one who sprained his ankle. So he decided to stay away from the rocks for a few minutes and help Nick look from the grass.  
  
  
  
�You know, you have to be careful now Kevin, when you get older your bones become fragile.�  
  
  
  
�Nick shut up; I�m not even 35 yet! I have a long way to go before my bones start breaking for no reason.�  
  
  
  
�Okay if you insist because I would hate if you started to fall apart on our tour.�  
  
  
  
�Are you looking while you make fun of me at least?�  
  
  
  
�I also hear that people shrink when they get older. I have noticed that I seem to be getting taller than you.�  
  
  
  
�Nick�are you looking for the damn rod?�  
  
  
  
�No, I just thought I�d take a walk in the water for fun.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not shrinking.� Nick smiled, pleased with the fact that he was able to get under his friend�s skin.  
  
  
  
�Okay if you insist.�  
  
  
  
� I�m not, besides I�m fine. My ankle is just a little sore; unlike you I don�t over exaggerate things.�  
  
  
  
�HA! That�s the biggest joke I have ever heard in my short life.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah keep it up it�ll be even shorter.� Kevin said under his breath.  
  
  
  
�What did you say?�  
  
  
  
�Nothing, I said�you are an idiot� I think I see it!� Kevin said picking up his pace as he walked around the bend of the river. He smiled wide when there he saw floating downstream, his fishing pole.  
  
  
  
�It�s over there Nick! Go get it!! Do you see it?�  
  
  
  
Nick started walking towards where Kevin was pointing. The water was getting deeper making it harder to walk. The current was also getting faster.  
  
  
  
�I see it.� He said making his way over towards the pole. It seemed like the closer he got, the further it got, like it was playing a game with him or something.  
  
  
  
�Nick get it before it floats away would you?� Kevin said growing impatient unsure of what was holding Nick up.  
  
  
  
�I�m going as fast as I can man, this current is rough.�  
  
  
  
�Well go faster, you�re losing it!�  
  
  
  
�Way to be sympathetic.�  
  
  
  
�Aw I�m sorry I�ll pat your head when you get out of the water�Ah it�s moving again.�  
  
  
  
�Okay okay�I�m getting there.� Nick decided maybe it was best to swim for it so he took a deep breath, knowing how cold the water was going to be and dived down into the water going into a swim.  
  
  
  
�Good idea Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah�� Was all he got out between gasps for air.  
  
  
  
�This water is so cold my nipples are going to fall right off. I hope you�re happy.�  
  
  
  
�As a clam.�  
  
  
  
Nick finally reached the rod, grabbing it and holding it up for Kevin to see. When he saw his friend reach the fishing pole he let out a breath. He really thought he�d never see the thing again. Maybe his father was guiding Nick to the pole. He looked up at the sky imagining his father there looking down at him with his finger pointed saying �good thing I�m still here watching over you kid!�  
  
  
  
When he looked back out to the water he only saw the rod floating once again with no sign of Nick. �You let go? It�s floating again!� He yelled in frustration.  
  
  
  
His frustration turned to worry when Nick still didn�t resurface, �Nick?� He yelled, looking at the rod as it once again disappeared from view. He walked closer to the water, peering over to see if maybe Nick was just being retarded and hiding or something. Even though he knew that wasn�t going to be the case and just as the thought crossed his mind he saw Nick�s arm come out of the water. Just his arm and nothing else.  
  
  
  
Panicked, Kevin forgot about the pain in his ankle and dived in. The cold making him almost want to hyperventilate. He swam over to where Nick was, took a deep breath and dived down into the water. He saw his friend struggling to break free of a log that had one of the chains on his pants caught under it. Quickly Kevin went to work, trying to free Nick as he looked on panic stricken.  
  
  
  
Kevin came back up for air taking another deep breath and going down. He tugged at the pants but to no avail, they weren�t budging. He looked at Nick and began to panic when he saw his friends eyes close. Once more he went up for a breath not liking what he was about to do.  
  
  
  
He took a huge breath and once again went underneath, unzipping Nick�s pants and pulling him out of them, finally free. Nick�s eyes were still closed but he was coughing which was a good sign as Kevin held him and swam him to the shore.  
  
  
  
Once there, he pulled Nick up and led him back to the tree and quickly covered him with the two towels he had brought from the car earlier. Squatting down beside him and taking his head in his hands he said mildly panicked, �Are you okay? Talk to me Nick.�  
  
  
  
Nick continued to cough and opened his eyes briefly before shutting them again. Kevin�s pulse raced, �Nick come on� open your eyes and say something.� He shook his friend�s shoulders.  
  
  
  
Finally Nick opened his eyes and stared at Kevin, �Where are my pants?� He asked in barely a whisper, coughing as soon as he finished.  
  
  
  
�They�re in the water, are you okay? Look at me?�  
  
  
  
�You took off my pants?�  
  
  
  
�Nick forget about your stupid pants and look at me, are you okay?�  
  
  
  
Nick nodded, but was shivering. �Stay here I�m going to the car to grab you some blankets.�  
  
  
  
Kevin ran to the car, the pain in his ankle all but gone, �Maybe I was exaggerating after all,� He said grabbing the three blankets from his trunk and running back to Nick, finally calming himself down. Nick was lying down in a fetal position letting the towels cover his body.  
  
  
  
�Here ya go, some blankets. Give me the towels.� Nick let go of the towels and wrapped himself in the blankets.  
  
  
  
�Do you need to go to the hospital? I should call 911 you think?�  
  
  
  
�I�m fine Kevin�just a bit cold and disturbed by the fact that you took off my pants.�  
  
  
  
�I could have just let you drown if you would have preferred. What kind of an idiot wears pants with chains on them to go fishing? Seriously!�  
  
  
  
�Those were my favorite pants.�  
  
  
  
�I can�t believe you are going on and on about your stupid pants! Nick you almost died for God�s sake!�  
  
  
  
Nick sat up and leaned against the tree, �I had it covered, I was almost free.�  
  
  
  
�You were pinned kiddo.�  
  
  
  
�Did we get your rod?�  
  
  
  
�No�but that�s okay. You�re more important I guess.�  
  
  
  
�You guess?� Kevin sat down beside Nick and nodded.  
  
  
  
�I�m glad you didn�t put those boots back on or otherwise I wouldn�t have been able to pull you out of those pants quite so easily.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, and then quickly started coughing again which made Kevin turn his head in confusion, �What?�  
  
  
  
�Just thinking about how happy all this taking my pants off talk would make those people who love thinking we�re gay.�  
  
  
  
�Can�t you be serious for even a minute Nick?�  
  
  
  
�What do you want me to do Kevin?�  
  
  
  
�I don�t know�just realize that you almost drowned out there.�  
  
  
  
�I do realize it and thank you for saving me�again.� Kevin grabbed his friend in a hug.  
  
  
  
Maybe his father wasn�t watching him after all. It was probably silly to think that he was. He knew there was a heaven and he knew that his father was there, wherever there was, but to think he was actually watching over them.  
  
  
  
Nick suddenly started to cry, which threw Kevin off for a minute. He looked over at his friend who had his knees drawn up and was hugging them as he laid his head on top of them, tears flowing freely.  
  
  
  
�Hey, what�s wrong? Are you hurt?�  
  
  
  
�No�I�m never mind�sorry.� He said wiping his tears away from his face and turning to face the other direction.  
  
  
  
�What Nick? Please talk to me.�  
  
  
  
�I can�t believe that happened that�s all. I mean I�m such a good swimmer and I managed to fuck things up again. I lost your freaking rod and now you�re going to always resent me for that. Just like everyone else always resents me for something.�  
  
  
  
�Nick, I don�t blame you for the rod okay? And I know you�re a great swimmer. Being a good swimmer had nothing to do with what happened. It was those chains. I don�t resent you, why you would even think that is beyond me�  
  
  
  
�Okay.� He said not sounding the least but convinced.  
  
  
  
�Seriously, are you talking about my, �I guess� remark because you know I didn�t mean that.� That made Nick laugh.  
  
  
  
�No, sorry I guess everything is just catching up to me that�s all. I�m really exhausted and tired. I didn�t mean to lose it just now.�  
  
  
  
�Why are you so afraid of losing it? You used to cry in front of me all the time, why now are you suddenly apologizing for it? You did the same thing at that club, you stopped yourself and apologized.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not a kid anymore, when I was younger it was okay. Now I should be able to handle things better don�t you think?�  
  
  
  
�Nick, your age doesn�t make a difference. You�ve had a crappy year kid, it�s totally fine to feel blue and cry about it. Plus now you almost drowned.�  
  
  
  
�Stop saying that jeez! You have said that as many times as I�ve said I have never been fishing.�  
  
  
  
�You owe me another dollar!�  
  
  
  
�Come on! That�s not even fair; I was just proving a point.�  
  
  
  
�Hey you said it again, that�s another dollar.�  
  
  
  
�I can�t believe after all I have just been through you�re going to make me pay you another dollar! Hello? I almost died over here!�  
  
  
  
�Okay well I guess you owe me another dollar now.�  
  
  
  
Nick turned to his friend and shook his head, �Now wait a minute, you owe ME when YOU talk about me almost dying. When I do its okay.�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled, �Okay maybe I�ll be nice just this once.�  
  
  
  
�So what do you think is going to happen next? We got the flat, I hurt my head, we got lost, we lost your fishing pole and I almost died. Think the car will explode?�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �Let�s not tempt fate by saying that out loud again okay?�  
  
  
  
�Good idea.�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked out at the water, trying not to make it obvious that he was looking for the fishing rod. He didn�t want Nick to feel any worse than he was at the moment. It was long gone by now. Too much time had gone by since they had been looking for it.  
  
  
  
�Kevin?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah?�  
  
  
  
�I�m really sorry I ruined this trip for you. Next time bring Brian.� He turned back towards Nick and hugged him close.  
  
  
  
�Nick, I wouldn�t have had it any other way. Besides, you�re talking like this trip is over. We still have one fishing rod and the rest of the day.�  
  
  
  
�I am lacking pants Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�I have a pair in the car.�  
  
  
  
�No way�okay Kev that�s just insane!�  
  
  
  
�What? I bet you�re happy I had blankets and towels in there too right?�  
  
  
  
�Yes thank God for your anal ness.�  
  
  
  
�So I�m going back to the car yet again to get that pair of pants.�  
  
  
  
�What if they don�t fit?�  
  
  
  
�Then we�ll figure that it is fates way of saying better go home before the earth implodes.�  
  
  
  
�So then I go home in my boxers?�  
  
  
  
�Or I can try going to get your pants.�  
  
�No that�s okay they�re only pants. I don�t want you to injure that old body of yours.� Kevin was happy to see his friend joking once again. He hated seeing Nick sad, it killed him really. There were so many layers to that sadness and just trying to pick them apart was mentally draining.  
  
  
  
�Kevin�� Kevin looked down and the way Nick was sitting still snuggled in his blankets, he looked all of about 15.  
  
  
  
�Yeah buddy?�  
  
  
  
�Thanks again.� Kevin ruffled Nick�s hair as he walked back to the car to get the pants.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**10**

  
  
  
  
�Hershey bar or Peanut butter crackers?�  
  
  
  
�The kind with the cheddar cheese crackers?�  
  
  
  
�Yup, is there any other kind?�  
  
  
  
�Eww, then definitely a Hershey bar!�  
  
  
  
�Kevin who says eww to those crackers? I LOVE those things. I practically lived off them when I was little.�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked over at this friend and rolled his eyes, �That explains so much really.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah it does! What a freak show you are that�s what that explains. I mean what kind of a guy hates those crackers but likes Mellow Yellow? That is the weirdest thing ever Kev.�  
  
  
  
�There�s nothing wrong with Mellow Yellow.�  
  
  
  
�It looks like anti freeze.�  
  
  
  
�Well your peanut butter crackers look like�well weird orange things.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, �Oh great comeback there!�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled, �Anyway, how are you feeling? Any better?�  
  
  
  
Nick shrugged, �I guess.�  
  
  
  
�Good.� Kevin looked over at his friend once again and wasn�t sure what to say next. When he came back from the car with the pants in his hand, he noticed Nick wiping away a fresh batch of tears only to be quickly masked by a smile before Kevin sat down. It was clear that Nick didn�t want to talk about anything, it was also clear that there was a lot to talk about.  
  
  
  
Maybe Kevin had figured that out a long time ago, but seeing the look on his friend�s face made him realize just how troubled Nick really was. So they sat in silence, Kevin still clinging to his extra pair of pants until Nick randomly started with the �this or that� game.  
  
  
  
�A Viper or a Lamborghini?�  
  
  
  
�Are either of those electric?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin, good Lord must you suck the fun out of this game?�  
  
  
  
�Seriously the gas is horrible for the environment.�  
  
  
  
�Okay then how about�a pogo stick or a bike?� Kevin smirked at the level of sarcasm in his baby brother�s voice.  
  
  
  
�Definitely a pogo stick, but only if I could see you try to do it first.�  
  
  
  
�I�m sure I could pogo with the best of them.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah considering you can�t even walk without randomly falling over Nick, I highly doubt it.�  
  
  
  
�I�d kind of like to see Howie try pogo sticking.�  
  
  
  
�Just when I thought we�d actually get through a whole day without a single Howie remark. Nick you disappoint me.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry you know I love me some Howie dissing.�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked over once again, �So you going to try on the pants or what?�  
  
  
  
�I�m thinking about it as long as you turn around.�  
  
  
  
�Since when did you become shy? Usually you enjoy sticking your ass in people�s faces!�  
  
  
  
�Only when I�m ready to fart Kev��  
  
  
  
Kevin handed the pants over to Nick and laid his head against the tree and closed his eyes, �Go ahead and try them, I won�t peek because believe it or not I don�t care to see your ass.�  
  
  
  
�Everyone wants to see my ass. Didn�t you get the memo?�  
  
  
  
�Must have missed that one.�  
  
  
  
While Nick struggled to get the pants on, Kevin thought back to the last conversation he and Howie had about their friend. If Nick only realized how much he meant to all of his band mates. He had no idea how concerned everyone was for him. Many times all their conversations turned to Nick once he left the room.  
  
  
  
In Nick�s mind however, he felt that they had all moved on with their lives and in some way felt ashamed to be around him. He never said it outright but Brian actually picked up on it one of the first times they got together after their hiatus.  
  
  
  
Nick barely made eye contact with Brian at all and for the longest time, he thought maybe he had done something to piss Nick off. That was an easy task ever since he had been married; Nick found any little thing to get mad at Brian about.  
  
  
  
Kevin had noticed it too so it was no big surprise when his cousin approached him about it.  
  
  
  
�Is he having a problem with me Kev?� Brian had asked confused glancing back towards Nick who was joking with Howie.  
  
  
  
�I don�t think so Brian�but maybe you should ask him.�  
  
  
  
�I have a hard time talking to him lately�you know? Do you?�  
  
  
  
�Not so much, but I know what you mean. He�s kind of changed.�  
  
  
  
�And not for the better; I worry about him.�  
  
  
  
�Me too.�  
  
  
  
�Think there�s something going on that we don�t know about?� All Kevin could do was shrug in response. What else was there to say?  
  
  
  
�Well if there is something wrong he�ll talk to us right?� Seeing that questioning glance in Brian�s eyes made Kevin�s skin crawl, feeling like they were going to have to deal with an AJ situation all over again. Maybe not in the same way as AJ, but with Nick it was almost worse because the kid was prone to depression and erratic behavior.  
  
  
  
And that was when the worrying started. Kevin always worried about Nick, ever since he first laid eyes on the kid but the full fledged worry started that day and escalated to that conversation Howie and Kevin had shortly before this fishing trip.  
  
  
  
�Kev�can I talk to you?� It was a surprise to see Howie so serious all of the sudden. He was being secretive almost to the point that Kevin thought maybe he had gotten in trouble with the law or something.  
  
  
  
�Sure what�s wrong D?�  
  
  
  
Howie looked around careful to make sure no one was listening, making Kevin even more suspicious.  
  
  
  
�It�s Nick�I know I�m one to kind of let things lie you know? I don�t like to get involved with stuff.�  
  
  
  
And that was true, for as long as Kevin knew Howie, he would listen to all the drama but rarely offer his opinion on any of it, Including AJ. He was just brought up that way, nothing wrong with it. So it was surprising to hear him say the words he said.  
  
  
  
�What about Nick?�  
  
  
  
�I�m worried about him Kevin�the things I�m seeing when he thinks no one is watching him. He�s sad, he�s withdrawn, he�s drinking like a fish and he�s never happy. His moods go from bad to worse and he�s hanging out with a horrible crowd. When people speak to him he only half listens then smiles like he is the happiest kid on earth.�  
  
  
  
At that point Kevin found himself looking over at Nick who was sitting at the console tapping his fingers against the padding looking lost and in deep thought. To an untrained eye it would have maybe seemed like he was listening in to a track figuring out when to fade, but Kevin knew he wasn�t listening to anything, except the voices in his head.  
  
  
  
�I think I�m going to ask him to go fishing with me this weekend.�  
  
  
  
�Fishing? I know he had a big party planned with some of his friends. He�s not going to go for that.�  
  
  
  
Once again he looked over at Nick who happened to look up at that precise moment and smile at him.  
  
  
  
�Maybe he will D.�  
  
  
  
�I hope so because I�m worried about him Kev.�  
  
  
  
�Wow they actually fit!� Kevin opened his eyes to see Nick standing there tying a knot into the sweat pants.  
  
  
  
�Awesome, I�m glad.�  
  
  
  
�I still don�t quite understand why you have an extra pair of pants with you�but ah well. It worked for me this time.�  
  
  
  
�Maybe I have them in my car just in case I happen to be with you. Ever think of that?�  
  
  
  
�The scary part is Kevin�that you very well might have thought that through.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �Yeah I know you think I�m anal.�  
  
  
  
�Everyone thinks that, not just me dude.�  
  
�Okay fine�I�ll be the anal one.�  
  
  
  
Nick smirked then turned around and spanked his own butt. �I look like a sexy biotch in these!�  
  
  
  
�You are definitely not right in the head Carter.�  
  
  
  
�Okay mister� I have everything I need to survive a nuclear war in the car� guy.�  
  
  
  
Kevin grew serious for a minute, �Nick�is there something you want to tell me? Something you want to talk about?�  
  
  
  
�Huh? Where the hell did that come from?�  
  
  
  
�Is there?� Nick�s demeanor changed suddenly as he picked up a rock and threw it out into the water. It barely made it in from where he was standing.  
  
  
  
�I�m good Kev, okay? I told you I was just emotional because I almost freaking drowned.�  
  
  
  
�Today,� Kevin was quick to add.  
  
  
  
�Today� yes.�  
  
  
  
�What about all the other days?�  
  
  
  
�We all get down sometimes Kevin. You do too don�t you?�  
  
  
  
�Sure I do but�we�re not talking about me.�  
  
  
  
�Well maybe we should. Why are we out here fishing Kev? Is there something you need to get off your mind? I mean I know you used to do this with your dad.�  
  
  
  
�Today was his birthday Nick.�  
  
  
  
�It was?� Now Nick walked over and sat next to his friend.  
  
  
  
�Yeah�� Kevin said looking up and smiling.  
  
  
  
�Why aren�t you with your family?�  
  
  
  
�Because�we decided not to do that anymore, being together on his birthday wasn�t going to bring him back. So we all just do our own thing and remember him in our own way.�  
  
  
  
�And for you it�s fishing huh?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah, for me it�s fishing�and being with people I care about and besides�You are my family Nick, you do realize that right?�  
  
  
  
�Are you getting all gushy with me now?�  
  
  
  
�No, I�m not getting all gushy with you, I just wanted you to know that despite maybe not spending as much time together as we used to and despite arguing with you all the time ��  
  
  
  
�And nagging, you mustn�t forget the nagging.�  
  
  
  
�Fine and all the nagging I do�I just want to make sure you know that you can still always come to me if you need me, anytime for any reason. I look at you as my baby brother Nick and I don�t plan on quitting that job anytime soon.�  
  
  
  
Nick looked away and nodded, �Thanks man�you mean a lot to me as well.�  
  
  
  
The thing is Kevin already knew that. It�s just that sometimes the message wasn�t received the other way around.  
  
  
  
They sat silent again, seems like they did that a lot on this trip. Sitting in silence maybe gathering up the courage to say something relevant or confess something that needed to be purged. Kevin was hoping that by the end of this trip that is what would happen.  
  
  
  
�Pizza or burgers?� Kevin smiled and closed his eyes, okay so maybe the confessions wouldn�t happen just yet.  
  
  
  
�I�d have to go with burgers.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I knew you would�okay what about polar bears or koala bears?�  
  
  
  
�Polar bears.�  
  
  
  
�Why?�  
  
  
  
�Because they look like snow and I like snow.�  
  
  
  
�Very first grade answer Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�Happy or sad?� Kevin asked looking over at Nick.  
  
  
  
�How about medium?�  
  
  
  
�Okay.�  
  
  
  
�Ring Dings or Twinkies?�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �Neither.�  
  
  
  
�What is wrong with you Kevin�jeez!� Nick shook his head at the man he looked up to almost as much as a father but would never say it out loud and smiled at him, wanting to open up but still not quite ready.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

****

**11**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Nick sat Indian style at the edge of the water watching Kevin swirling the line above his head from the one remaining fishing rod. The circular motions were having an almost hypnotic effect on the younger one as his head moved along like a cat following a flashlight.  
  
  
  
�You know Kevin; I can come in there and join you.�  
  
  
  
�We only have one rod Nick.�  
  
  
  
�I know but still maybe I could like navigate or something.�  
  
  
  
�There�s nothing to navigate besides I don�t want you anywhere near this water.�  
  
  
  
Nick shook his head; he knew that for at least a year he�d have to never be anywhere in or near a body of water without getting a nervous glare from Kevin. That�s just how the guy was. For fun he toyed with the idea of rolling into the water just to get a rise out of his friend but then decided not to.  
  
  
  
�You know Kevin�its just water I�ll be fine.�  
  
  
  
�I like you right where you are thanks.�  
  
  
  
�You are too much.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah well, one near death experience an outing is my motto and besides that is my only extra pair of pants.�  
  
  
  
�Okay then I better not have an accident in them, I would hate to wee wee myself.�  
  
  
  
�Wee wee yourself?� Kevin shook his head, tossing his line into the water.  
  
  
  
�Yeah, you know like pee?�  
  
  
  
�Oh is that what wee wee means? I didn�t know that because I�m a moron,� He said in his best Rain Man impression.  
  
  
  
�Aww okay I�ll speak slower from now on Kevy Kev.�  
  
  
  
�Wow you haven�t called me that in years.�  
  
  
  
�I haven�t?�  
  
  
  
�Nope.�  
  
  
  
�Did you miss it?�  
  
  
  
�Nope.�  
  
  
  
�Shucks then I�ll have to remember to use it more often.�  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry when did this become pick on Kevin day? Did I miss the memo?�  
  
  
  
�When you told me I couldn�t pick on Howie or go into the water�besides who else is there to pick on?�  
  
  
  
�Okay good point I guess.� Suddenly Kevin turned his attention back to the rod that he felt move slightly as if a fish was nipping at the bait.  
  
  
  
�Whoa!� He said steadying himself since the slippery rocks underneath almost made him fall. He needed to catch something after what had already felt like a long day. Once again he felt a tug followed by a pull. There was definitely a fish now; he began to reel the line which kept giving him resistance.  
  
  
  
�What�s going on Kev?�  
  
  
  
�A fish.�  
  
  
  
�What about a fish?�  
  
  
  
�I am trying to reel in a fish.�  
  
  
  
�Oh.�  
  
  
  
He pulled a little harder as he reeled in the line, smiling as he saw the fish jumping around at the end.  
  
  
  
Nick seeing the same thing now grew excited and stood up, �Whoa there�s a huge fish Kevin! Don�t lose him.�  
  
  
  
�I�m trying not to Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Just like� I don�t know� get him up.�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Nick.�  
  
  
  
Just like that, the fish managed to get way from the line making Kevin lose his balance and fall at the sudden lose of extra weight. Nick couldn�t help but giggle seeing his friend tumble into the water. This of course resulted in another glare from Kevin.  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry Kev�you okay?�  
  
  
  
Kevin waded back to the edge close to where Nick had once again sat down Indian style.  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�m fine�thanks for your concern.� Nick offered his hand to Kevin helping him out of the water.  
  
  
  
�Fly fishing looks easier then it is huh?� Nick asked smirking and squinting to see his friend through the glare of the sun.  
  
  
  
�Stop being a smart ass.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry, I can�t help it it�s my nature.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I know�so�� The way Kevin stopped, his words drifting off made Nick shake his head. He knew the proverbial �how are you feeling now?� Question was going to pop up and he was going to do everything in his power to change the subject.  
  
  
  
�Buttons.�  
  
  
  
�Huh?�  
  
  
  
�You said so�and I said buttons�get it? Sew buttons?�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked confused once again giving Nick a look, �I don�t know how you sit like that, when I sit like that my feet fall asleep.�  
  
  
  
Nick looked down to his pretzel crossed legs, �I don�t know�it�s just comfortable for me I guess.�  
  
  
  
�You always sit like that, for as long as I�ve known you� Even back when you were a teeny tiny thing.�  
  
  
  
�A teeny tiny thing?�  
  
  
  
�Yup.�  
  
  
  
�So back in the day, you referred to me as a thing?�  
  
  
  
�Back in the day I referred to you as many things�barely any of them were nice.�  
  
  
  
�Yes that I remember.�  
  
  
  
�Luckily I haven�t had to refer to you as those things since you have grown up a bit...a tiny bit.�  
  
  
  
�You still give me that same look though.�  
  
  
  
�Oh THE look you mean�the one you named after me?�  
  
  
  
Nick nodded, �That�s the one.�  
  
  
  
�I think that�s in your head.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed out loud, �Hardly, Kevin every time I speak on TV or in an interview or sing part of one of our songs, I feel you staring at me. Then of course when I see that interview played back I�m right. There you are giving me THE look.�  
  
  
  
�I watch people when they talk.�  
  
  
  
�No, watching is different. You don�t watch you glare and it�s not everyone it�s me. Ask the rest of the guys they see it too.�  
  
  
  
Kevin sighed and rested his hands behind him, stretching out his legs and lying down to rest on his arms. �I guess I�m just used to keeping an eye on you.�  
  
  
  
�You mean making sure I won�t mess up.�  
  
  
  
�Not true�gosh you really are paranoid.�  
  
  
  
�You would be too if I always stared you down.�  
  
  
  
�I won�t look at you any more than�happy?�  
  
  
  
�Ah! You just did it again! You said that as you were giving me THE look!�  
  
  
  
�You know what? If I give you the look all the time then YOU always give ME the eye roll!�  
  
  
  
�I do not.�  
  
  
  
�Yes you do, ask the other guys.� Kevin said in a mocking tone which had Nick roll his eyes.  
  
  
  
�Why is it that all we do is argue Kevy Kev?�  
  
  
  
Kevin gave Nick THE look and shook his head, �Because we both know how to get under each other�s skin.�  
  
  
  
Nick smiled, uncurled his legs and started to stick his foot in the water, �Look Kev�I�m going into the water��  
  
  
  
�If you drown this time I�m not saving you.�  
  
  
  
Nick huffed and once again placed his legs Indian style, �You�re no fun.�  
  
  
  
�So how�s the family?� Kevin asked now closing his eyes to shield them from the sun. He felt his cheeks burning but didn�t feel like going to the car to get his lotion.  
  
  
  
Nick grimaced, annoyed that he managed to let Kevin get to his questions. He snuck it in there when it was least expected. The truth was he hadn�t spoken to his family in months. Only to Aaron once and that call lasted for about ten minutes. He had lied to the boys at Christmas time, telling them he was going to spend the holiday with his father and his new step mother. They had no idea that he spent the holiday all alone, playing computer games and eating take out Chinese.  
  
  
  
They had no idea what a lonely life Nick led actually, he was so pre occupied with his girlfriend that when she went away he for the first time, realized he had no one. It was a sad realization but one that he knew deep down was coming. They had their families, they had their lives but Nick felt like he didn�t have either of those things, so he would lie about it. Tell them he had just gotten off the phone with BJ or that he was hanging with Tommy in Malibu when in all actuality he usually went home alone, sat in his big house and thought about things.  
  
  
  
The only people who would steadily call him were the people that his band mates referred to as the loser crew. The ones they felt were just using him for his money and in the end would end up hurting him. Thing was Nick knew that too but still it was company and he had the money to spend so why not?  
  
  
  
Hanging out with losers was much better than hanging out alone, in his opinion anyway. So he would call them, they�d come over and instantly his sad lonely house would turn into party central.  
  
  
  
�Earth to Nick�� Nick looked down at Kevin whose eyes were still closed.  
  
  
  
�They�re good. Just spoke to Angel the other day�seems her modeling thing is going really well.�  
  
  
  
�Does she like the new mom?�  
  
  
  
�Um�yeah she does. At least I think she does.�  
  
  
  
�What about you?�  
  
  
  
�Do I like her you mean?�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh.�  
  
  
  
 _�Well Kevin, I have never even talked to the woman. I was so pissed that my dad shacked up with her that I haven�t even wanted to give her the time of day. She�s only a few years older than you Kev�so I guess maybe my mom should marry you then it would make everything copasetic. Yeah I know that word because contrary to what you think I�m really smart I swear!�_  
  
  
  
�She�s nice�I mean we get along okay.�  
  
  
  
�Good, you need to have her come to a show so we can meet her.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�ll do that.� On the tenth of NEVER maybe!  
  
  
  
�And Bob too�Brian and I were just talking about your dad the other day.�  
  
  
  
�Something good I hope?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah we were talking about the time he taught us how to play poker you remember that?�  
  
  
  
 _�Of course I remember that. It was one of the only times I wasn�t afraid of him Kevin. I fear my father; he actually scares the crap out of me most times. You wouldn�t know that though because I don�t let you know that. The last time I saw him, we fought over his little marriage and he ended up giving me a fat lip. Yup I inherited his temper. I can�t see him without getting into a shoving match nowadays, much different then how it was when I was younger. We used to be best friends me and my dad or so I thought but then I grew up and realized he didn�t much care either. But it�s all good since I�m not a child anymore right? And no he doesn�t hit any of the others just me�I wouldn�t have it any other way. Oh and sometimes my mother, my real one. He hit her too sometimes� And before you ask, I don�t talk to her either� well unless you call her sometimes random messages to me in the National Enquirer or Entertainment Tonight conversation.�_  
  
  
  
�Yeah I remember that. You beat everyone if I recall right?�  
  
  
  
�Yup, Howie ended up paying me about $500.�  
  
  
  
�And AJ had to make your bed.�  
  
  
  
�For about a month, he was lucky we were staying in hotels wasn�t he?�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, �Yeah�I still think you should have had him dress up as a maid. Now THAT would have been funny.�  
  
  
  
�You�ll have to tell Bob I said hi.�  
  
  
  
 _�Yeah maybe I will if I can find his number. I threw it out the other day. I actually threw out Jane�s as well, deleted them from my phones and address books. I�m trying to start over Kevin. I think you�d be proud but probably more worried than proud.�_  
  
  
  
�I will. So how�s your family?� Nick asked hoping to change the subject away from him once more. A tactic he learned during his solo venture, just as it dawned on him talking about his life was kind of depressing.  
  
  
  
�They�re all good�considering today�s a hard day for them. I�m going to call them tonight when we get back and Kris and I will end up going over tomorrow for a little bit. You�re welcome to join us.�  
  
  
  
�No that�s okay�I should get back tomorrow morning�give them my love though.�  
  
  
  
�I will.�  
  
  
  
Kevin opened his eyes and stood up grabbing Nick�s shoulder as we walked back towards the water, �I�m going in for round two of fish vs. man.�  
  
  
  
�You know you could always try to catch a guppy or two. I bet there are some caught in my pants.�  
  
  
  
�Nick that sounded so wrong.�  
  
  
  
�What? I don�t mean these pants I mean my pants in the water.�  
  
  
  
Once again Kevin turned on his best Rain Man, �Oh really? I thought you meant swimming in your drawers that you have on right now.�  
  
  
  
�Oh that�s right I�m supposed to speak slower. That should be your states motto�I�m from Kentucky�speak slowly.�  
  
  
  
�Oooh I have one�how about, I�m Nick Carter; I�m going to get my ass kicked by a guy from Kentucky�� Kevin said giving Nick THE look once again.  
  
  
  
�Nah�I like the speak slowly one better.� Kevin shook his head and waded out to where he was before, leaving Nick sitting at the edge of the water sitting Indian style once again.  
  
  
  
Nick smiled at his friend as he cussed under his breath, looking into the water as if he was a caveman hunting for food.  
  
  
  
 _�I�m glad I came here with you Kevin, because sometimes you are the only person who makes me feel safe. Well all four of you guys. I love you all and I needed this�_  
  
  
  
�Hey old man�make sure you don�t break any bones out there! I�m not allowed to come into the water to save you.�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned around and gave Nick THE look and Nick couldn�t help but giggle.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

  
****

**12**

  
  
  
  
  
  
�Hey Kevin when you were young did you ever watch Scooby Doo?�  
  
  
  
�What?�  
  
  
  
�Scooby Doo�did you ever watch that?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah why?� Kevin turned back around and once again threw his line into the water.  
  
  
  
�I would have gotten away with it if it weren�t for those meddling kids!� Nick said imitating almost every single bad guy in the cartoon he grew up watching.  
  
  
  
�I love how everyone used to run in those cartoons with their arms out in front of them. What was the purpose?�  
  
  
  
�I don�t know Kev�have you ever tried to run like that?� Of course Nick then got up and started running around in a circle with his arms in front of him� �I swear I�m going to run like this from now on!� He said out of breath kicking his legs out exaggeratedly as his arms remained zombie like in front of him.  
  
  
  
�You are such a goofball,� Kevin laughed as he shook his head.  
  
  
  
�I�m tired�jeez I�m getting old.� Nick plopped back onto the grass lying on his back and stared up at the sun.  
  
  
  
�Why did you ask me about that anyway?�  
  
  
  
�Because I�m bored to tears and was picturing a cartoon in my head. How cool would it be if we were those special guests on Scooby Doo?�  
  
  
  
�Do they even make that show anymore Nick?�  
  
  
  
�I have no clue.�  
  
  
  
�So was that a subtle hint that you�d like me to come out of the water and entertain you or something?�  
  
  
  
�I want ice cream. Will you buy me ice cream Kevin?�  
  
  
  
�Boy you�re just the king of randomness today aren�t you?�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned back towards the shore and got out of the water plopping down next to Nick.  
  
  
  
�I�m getting old too,� He said when he heard his bones crack as he bent his knees.  
  
  
  
�Getting?�  
  
  
  
Kevin swiped at Nick who giggled and rolled out of the way.  
  
  
  
�Sorry man but you constantly walk into those jokes it�s not my fault�what time is it?�  
  
  
  
�I think it�s about noon.�  
  
  
  
�Wow is that it?�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �Yes...am I that boring�wait don�t answer that.�  
  
  
  
�Just feels like we�ve been out here a lot longer than that.�  
  
  
  
�Because we got an early start.�  
  
  
  
Nick sat up, �So what do you say? Will you buy me ice cream? Just like the old times?�  
  
  
  
Kevin had to smile as he lay on his back, his eyes closed to the sun. Back when they were just starting out, sometimes to get the kid to behave and concentrate for an entire rehearsal he would bribe him with ice cream.  
  
  
  
 _�If you just shut up and do what you�re supposed to do with no whining, complaining or pranks I�ll buy you a sundae okay?�  
  
  
  
�Really?�  
  
  
  
�Yes really�  
  
  
  
�Can I have anything I want on it?�  
  
  
  
�Anything.�  
  
  
  
�What if I wanted snake guts?�  
  
  
  
�Are you ever NOT annoying?�  
  
  
  
�Nope! Sooo� What if I wanted ten thousand bazillion scoops?�  
  
  
  
�Then I�d let you have that and hopefully you�re brain would explode!�  
  
  
  
�Wow that would be cool!� Kevin had rolled his eyes at the blonde and walked away. _  
  
  
  
But Kevin stuck to his word and after that rehearsal; he and Nick ventured down to the ice cream shop up the street from his apartment and bought Nick a sundae. After awhile it became something the two of them would do as a little break from things. Kevin always acted like it was the biggest inconvenience in the world but truth was he enjoyed doing it. He felt like Nick didn�t get too much of that at home so it made him feel good to do something like that for him. With success came the end of the ice cream trips though.  
  
  
  
�I think you have enough money to buy your own ice cream now.�  
  
  
  
�But it�ll taste so much better if you buy it for me.�  
  
  
  
�Why don�t you buy ME ice cream for once?�  
  
  
  
�Okay fine I�ll buy�I don�t mind.� Nick shrugged and sighed.  
  
  
  
�Nick where do we find ice cream anyway? Do you think the guppies are selling it?�  
  
  
  
�Yes they opened up a shop in my pants!�  
  
  
  
�That sounded horrible Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Now wouldn�t that make a great sound bite? I need to remember that for when we finally do radio interviews again�Hey I�m Nick Carter and there�s a party in my pants!� He cracked himself up which made Kevin just shake his head.  
  
  
  
�Goofball I swear.�  
  
  
  
�It�s not nice to swear�you taught me that too.�  
  
  
  
�So you really want ice cream?� Kevin said rolling onto his side to face his friend.  
  
  
  
Nick nodded in reply, �I�m kind of getting hungry, it wouldn�t hurt to find a place to eat lunch and have some ice cream.�  
  
  
  
�Okay we�ll do that then. Kris was going to make us sandwiches I should have let her.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin did I ever thank you for the ice cream when I was a kid?�  
  
  
  
�Probably not,� Kevin said laughing and sitting up.  
  
  
  
Nick turned towards him, now rolled onto his side.  
  
  
  
�Thanks,� He said very seriously not a trace of a smile on his face. �I mean it� that meant a lot to me back then.�  
  
  
  
�I was happy to do it for you seriously�besides any excuse to have ice cream was good enough for me,� Kevin said winking at Nick trying to make him smile; it worked as he smirked, getting on all fours and standing up.  
  
  
  
�Are we coming back?� Nick asked kind of hoping the answer was no� but yet not wanting the day to end.  
  
  
  
There was something about hanging out with Kevin that just made Nick feel good. Back when he was a child, it was cool to hang out with someone so much older than him. He loved to let his classmates in Tampa know that he had a friend that was old enough to drink beer.  
  
  
  
The kids never believed him but it kept them from beating him up back then. He used to get beaten up a lot as a kid. Nick would often tell them if they bullied him he would sic Kevin on them. If Kevin only knew how many beatings he avoided that way.  
  
  
  
�I was planning on it. I mean if you want we can go back��  
  
  
  
�No, I was just asking.�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled, �Okay�well let�s go in search of food shall we?�  
  
  
  
The two men headed towards the car, Kevin carefully glancing back at his little brother as he walked slowly looking down at his feet.  
  
  
  
Nick suddenly looked up, �What?�  
  
  
  
�What what?�  
  
  
  
�I felt you staring at me again.�  
  
  
  
�Just wanted to make sure you�re feeling okay? I mean you did almost drown before.�  
  
  
  
�I�m good Kevin�honestly.�  
  
  
  
Kevin nodded, why was it that he was having such a difficult time coming right to the point. He had pretty much rehearsed what he was going to say to Nick using AJ as his guinea pig.  
  
  
  
He was going to ask flat out what was going on? If he had suicidal thoughts, if he was doing drugs or felt he needed help. All of these things were supposed to be accomplished on this fishing trip, just the two of them no outside distractions. Not even a cell phone to disturb them.  
  
  
  
�Can I drive?� Nick said walking over to the driver�s side and opening the door.  
  
  
  
�No!�  
  
  
  
�You�re such a control freak Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�Yes so I�ve been told.�  
  
  
  
He placed his seatbelt on and sighed, �So which way buddy?�  
  
  
  
�Why are you asking me?�  
  
  
  
�Because this was your idea.�  
  
  
  
�Oh no way am I going to get in trouble for getting us lost again�you decide.�  
  
  
  
�Well why don�t we continue on this road? Since the last sign of civilization going back that way was that store.�  
  
  
  
�Sounds like a plan Sam.�  
  
  
  
As Kevin took off down the road and away from the water and his dad�s fishing rod he sighed feeling a sense of loss. He hated when suddenly thoughts of his father would creep into his heart. To lose that rod really hit him hard, and on his father�s birthday of all days. He wondered if it would ever get easier, if he would ever be able to think of his dad without getting sad.  
  
  
  
That�s why he wrote the song for him, hoping that in some way it would finally help him say goodbye. At first he never even intended to share it with the other guys. He had no plans on wanting it to be recorded by anyone but himself.  
  
  
  
Nick heard it first as they were wrapping up for the day. Kevin was playing it on the piano, the gentle chords at the beginning leading into the haunting melody of the song that at that point had very few words. The, at that time blonde member of the group, walked over and sat down beside Kevin much the same way he used to when he was little.  
  
  
  
 _�What is that?� He had asked waking Kevin out of his trance.  
  
  
  
�Oh it�s something I wrote for my dad.�  
  
  
  
�Wow it�s really pretty, what�s it called?�  
  
  
  
�Never Gone.�  
  
  
  
Nick nodded, �Never Gone�I like that.�  
  
  
  
�Thanks.�  
  
  
  
�Do you have words?�  
  
  
  
�Some.� Kevin then sang for Nick what he had and instantly Nick convinced him it should be recorded. _  
  
  
  
Kevin found himself whispering one of the lines of the song� �I really miss you.�  
  
  
  
�Huh?�  
  
  
  
�Nothing�so what are you hungry for?�  
  
  
  
Nick ignored the question, �How are you holding up Kev? I mean I know this day must be hard for you.�  
  
  
  
�I�m okay Nick�you know there�s not much I can do right?�  
  
  
  
�Right but it doesn�t make it any easier does it?�  
  
  
  
�No, but sometimes we just have to go on you know what I mean?�  
  
  
  
Nick nodded; of course he knew what that meant. Sometimes he felt like he was the very definition of the term �going on.� It was hard for him, everything was now a days. It�s funny because Brian had told him once a long time ago that when you hit 24 something happens. You just suddenly get depressed. It�s like, that�s when you realize that you are no longer a child but a full grown adult and all the things you were able to blame your childhood for goes away and you are left to deal with the consequences of your own actions.  
  
  
  
He was so right, but for Nick he was afraid now that he was in a depression he�d never get out and that thought terrified him. He saw AJ and how horrible it had been for him but he also saw all the love and support he received from his family and friends and especially the fans. The fans were awesome to him, but that was AJ.  
  
  
  
The fans have always been brutal to Nick to the point of him flat out hating them at times. Anything he did was looked over with a fine tooth comb. He knew they wouldn�t understand and that most of them would abandon him just like they did with his solo album. As for family, what did he have going for him in that corner? Neither one of his parents much cared and it�s not like he�d burden his younger siblings with this either, hell they had their own problems.  
  
  
  
He felt like the only thing he had to rely on were the guys. The four of them were his foundation. He didn�t know what he�d do without them. He felt so lost and alone when they weren�t by his side.  
  
  
  
�What if all they serve is road kill?�  
  
  
  
�Road kill?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah you know in these here parts they just might have like dead run over gopher stew or something.�  
  
  
  
�Well then I hope you�re hungry because that is my favorite� Dumbass!� Kevin grunted causing Nick to laugh.  
  
  
  
�You keep calling me names and I won�t pay for your ice cream!�  
  
  
  
�Oh you know I�m going to end up paying for it anyway. I mean why break with tradition now right?�  
  
  
  
�YAY! Thanks Kevin�so can I get anything I want?�  
  
  
  
�Oh Lord he we go��  
  
  
  
�I mean if I want a million trillion gazillion scoops of orange sherbert?�  
  
  
  
�Sherbert?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I mean we are trying to be healthy aren�t we?�  
  
  
  
�Wow I�m impressed.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah so am I that you would actually think I�d order sherbert�.PLEASE! I�m getting a hot fudge sundae.�  
  
  
  
�The word is sherbet by the way not sherbert. You are adding bert in there.�  
  
  
  
�Whatever man�you know what I mean.�  
  
  
  
�But wouldn�t you like to at least say it correctly?�  
  
  
  
�Anal Kev strikes again�okay Sherpa�happy?�  
  
  
  
�That�s one of those little guys that walk llamas.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah so? Maybe I want a gallon of them!�  
  
  
  
�Nick you are an enigma.�  
  
  
  
�Excellent, my sherpa and I will be very happy about that.�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head and continued to drive down rural route 9 in search of food.  
  
  
 **Thanks for reading! :D**  
  



	13. Chapter 13

****

**13**

  
  
  
  
  
  
They sat in silence for a little while as they drove down the gravel road. It seemed no other cars were even out; it was as if they had the whole day to themselves. Kevin had his window all the way down and felt the heat on his arm as he sat with elbow hanging in the open space. That was something else he loved to do, just drive. He could drive for hours all by himself with nowhere to go. In fact sometimes, especially in his high school days when there was nothing better to do with his time, he�d intentionally get himself lost and drive until he found something familiar. True with age came the lack of enjoying getting lost but not the longing to drive for hours at a time.  
  
  
  
Was it the age or was it the business? He secretly wondered to himself. He wasn�t always such an uptight guy. He missed that side of himself sometimes and lately had been trying to channel the younger Kevin back into his soul. Being around Nick helped him to do that.  
  
  
  
�I love being in a car.� Kevin suddenly looked over at his friend, temporarily forgetting he was even there.  
  
  
  
When Nick saw Kevin�s eyes he continued, �I just love the road you know? There�s something so�I don�t know�like Zen about it.�  
  
  
  
�Weird that I was thinking the same thing.�  
  
  
  
�Wow that is weird.�  
  
  
  
�You know when I was a kid I used to purposely get lost on roads like this.�  
  
  
  
Nick smirked with disbelieving eyes, �No way you? Man I can�t see YOU wanting to get lost. Now I can see people around you wanting you to get lost.�  
  
  
  
�Okay smart ass�well it�s true. I used to do that all the time.�  
  
  
  
�I did too, but never intentionally, I just can barely find my way anywhere.�  
  
  
  
�Yes I know this.� Kevin said rolling his eyes.  
  
  
  
�So what do you think the other guys are up to today?�  
  
  
  
Kevin shrugged, �I have no idea, most likely doing fun stuff.�  
  
  
  
�Fun stuff? No way man�what bets that Brian is out grocery shopping or buying diapers right about now�and Howie is like on his phone to his mother or something�and AJ is��  
  
  
  
�Playing golf!� They both said at the same time.  
  
  
  
�Jinx! You owe me a Coke.� Kevin said to a very confused Nick.  
  
  
  
�huh?�  
  
  
  
�You owe me a Coke.�  
  
  
  
�Why?�  
  
  
  
�Because we said that at the same time.�  
  
  
  
�So I owe you a Coke?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah.�  
  
  
  
�That makes no sense who made that up?�  
  
  
  
�You have never heard that before?�  
  
  
  
Nick shook his head.  
  
  
  
�Wow�okay then, never mind about the Coke thing I guess.�  
  
  
  
�And why would I owe you a Coke? Why wouldn�t you owe ME a Coke?�  
  
  
  
�That�s just the way it goes whoever says it first.�  
  
  
  
�Says what first?�  
  
  
  
�You are making this far more complicated than it is Nick��  
  
  
  
�I am just trying to understand this�so if I said it first then would you owe me a Coke?�  
  
  
  
�I�m turning you off now.�  
  
  
  
�What if I don�t like Coke?�  
  
  
  
Kevin mentally shut Nick off and went back to his high school days. If he could pinpoint one time in his life he was truly happy every minute of every day it would be his early high school years. Everything seemed to be perfect back then, not a care in the world. Days spent hanging with his older brothers who he idolized and his group of best friends. The most serious discussions would be who would win the football game.  
  
  
  
Once as he was sitting around with the guys he tried to envision what his relationship would be with them if he had met them in high school, would he have hung out with them or not?  
  
  
  
He actually wasn�t ever really close to Brian but more to his brother Harold, if he had went to the same high school as Brian chances are they wouldn�t have even said one word to each other, especially if they weren�t related. He also couldn�t see himself hanging out with Howie either as teens. Kevin was a jock and Howie was a tech geek, the two would have probably made fun of each other as their clicks passed in the hallway.  
  
  
  
AJ? Doubtful they would have ever hung out in school, even if they were the same age. Their personalities were polar opposite. AJ would have hung out with the burnouts. Or as Kevin�s click liked to call then, the loser crowd.  
  
  
  
He felt the worst about Nick though, because he could easily see himself picking on the kid in school. He probably would have had to compete with Nick for all the chicks but his personality would have rubbed Kevin the wrong way.  
  
  
  
�Are you sad you never got to go to high school?�  
  
  
  
Nick was putting his head back and �glucking� to keep himself occupied when he suddenly looked over confused.  
  
  
  
�Oh did I get turned back on?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah, I took you off mute.�  
  
  
  
�Wow lucky me.�  
  
  
  
�So?�  
  
  
  
�What?�  
  
  
  
�The high school question�do you regret never going to a real high school.�  
  
  
  
�Are you a secret interviewer from J-14?�  
  
  
  
�Why do you always have to be such a smart ass?�  
  
  
  
�Eh? It�s what I do.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed and shook his head, �I only ask because I know my high school years were the best of my life.�  
  
  
  
�Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like you know? But you guys have heard me say that a million times.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I know�but this isn�t a stupid interview this is just me asking an honest question.�  
  
  
  
�Fine, then my honest answer is yes. I used to get so jealous of you guys when you�d talk about high school and the things you used to do and then when AJ walked with his graduating class. I felt like I got gypped.�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned to face Nick, �You did buddy�you did.�  
  
  
  
�But then on the other end of it, I probably would have been killed in school. The kids used to pick on me all the time. With my temper I would have surely gotten stabbed.�  
  
  
  
�Don�t kid like that Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Who�s kidding? Kevin I don�t exactly have the best personality in the world. People love to hate me; you of all people should know that.�  
  
  
  
�Why me of all people?�  
  
  
  
�Uh�because you used to hate me. Duh!�  
  
  
  
�Nick I never hated you.�  
  
  
  
�Right of course you didn�t and neither did the kids I went to school with.�  
  
  
  
�Come on�you honestly thought I hated you?�  
  
  
  
Nick smirked and laughed under his breath, �You know what never mind�no I am only kidding.�  
  
  
  
Kevin�s eyes grew wide in disbelief, �Oh my God you DID think I hated you! Nick I never hated you ever! You used to drive me crazy but I never hated you.�  
  
  
  
�It�s over now anyways Kev�no biggie. Like I said I know I was hard to get along with.�  
  
  
  
Why it bothered Kevin so much he had no idea, but it did. It was true that Nick got on his nerves as a child and really had his moments but for some reason to hear the kid actual say those words hurt him.  
  
  
  
�You were just a child Nick; I could never hate you for being a child.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah but you were a child too Kevin and yeah you did. I even heard you tell Howie that one night. You said I swear I hate that kid.�  
  
  
  
�I could have been talking about anybody.�  
  
  
  
�You were talking about me, I had just left the room after doing nothing annoying at all and I heard you say that.�  
  
  
  
�I was just talking out of my ass Nick.�  
  
  
  
�It�s okay Kevin seriously.�  
  
  
  
�No it�s not�I don�t want you thinking that I hated you back then. I loved you Nick, and worried about you just like now.�  
  
  
  
�It�s in the past and I loved you too even though I put ketchup in your shampoo bottle.� He turned his head away from Kevin as he said that so it sounded like a murmur.  
  
  
  
�That was you?�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh.�  
  
  
  
�All these years! You told me Brian did it and he even confessed�Oh my God Nick he got in so much trouble for that.�  
  
  
  
�I know� that�s why I gave him my Nintendo 64. He said that�s what he wanted in exchange for his confession.�  
  
  
  
�Wow you two had those pranks down to a science.�  
  
  
  
�Yup and you know when I did that?�  
  
  
  
�When?�  
  
  
  
�After I heard you say you hated me. I wanted to give you a reason, but of course when I saw how mad you were I chickened out and went crying to Brian who took the blame for me�  
  
  
  
�Ketchup, do you have any idea how long it took me to get that out of my hair?�  
  
  
  
�Approximately five washings�I counted.�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head but couldn�t help but smile, �You�re lucky I didn�t find out it was you.�  
  
  
  
�I know.�  
  
  
  
�One day charma�s going to get you for all of those things you did as a kid.�  
  
  
  
�It already has bro�it already has.�  
  
  
  
�And how has it?� Kevin asked but then like an afterthought he said at the same time as Nick,  
  
  
  
�Paris!�  
  
  
  
�Jinx! This time you owe me a Coke!� Nick said giggling.  
  
  
  
�Huh?� Kevin tried sounding as confused as Nick was before even scratching his head in the same way and doing his best Nick voice. �I like don�t get it dude�explain it to me again?�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Kevin I�m putting you on mute man.� He hit the top of Kevin�s head as if he was hitting a remote.  
  
  
  
�Ouch let�s not try to rattle my brains okay buddy?�  
  
  
  
�Sorry, but hey is that food I see up yonder?� Nick said pointing to the sign that said Chris� Diner, �Weird place to have a diner are you sure we haven�t entered like some kind of freaky weird Twilight Zone?�  
  
  
  
Kevin pulled into the parking lot that had two other cars occupying it, �Well let�s go see for ourselves shall we?�  
  
  
  
�And then I expect my free Coke Kevin�oh and my ice cream.�  
  
  
  
�Muted!� Kevin said as he opened the door and both men walked inside.  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**14**

  
  
  
  
  
  
They walked into the small restaurant tucked in the middle of nowhere and automatically put their heads down when the door tinged announcing their arrival.  
  
  
  
�Why does everything in Kentucky have to ding?� Nick asked as he felt everyone�s eyes in the diner looking at him. He was probably being paranoid, but then again didn�t he have reason to be a little paranoid?  
  
  
  
Kevin ignored the question and smiled at the waitress sitting by the door. �Welcome to Chris� Diner, go and take a seat anywhere.� She said not even bothering to look up which was another thing that Nick noticed about people in Kentucky but decided to keep that thought to himself.  
  
  
  
�Thanks.� Kevin said ushering Nick towards the back of the diner and into a booth.  
  
  
  
The jukebox was playing _American Pie_ as they both grabbed their menus from behind the napkin dispenser.  
  
  
  
�Wonder what�s good here?� Nick asked glancing at the menu of mostly generic things. He couldn�t help but smile thinking about what Paris�s reaction would be if he were to take her to a place like this. She would have thrown ten and a half fits before storming out of the place.  
  
  
  
Thank God she was out of his life now.  
  
  
  
�What is on your mind? You seem far away.� Nick looked over at Kevin who once again had that look of concern on his face. Why they were always so concerned about him he didn�t know but then again he didn�t mind it either.  
  
  
  
�I was just thinking about what Paris would say about this place.�  
  
  
  
�Ugh who cares?� Kevin said without missing a beat.  
  
  
  
That made Nick shrug, �Well you asked.�  
  
  
  
�I know, sorry�you know how I feel about her.� Just by the shift in Kevin�s posture and evident disdain in his voice, even a stranger could tell how he felt about her.  
  
  
  
Nick nodded, �Yeah I know.�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled over at his friend trying to lighten the situation but he couldn�t help it, when that woman�s name was brought up, it just made him angry.  
  
  
  
The way she treated Nick while they were together just gnawed at his insides, not just him but all of the boys. She treated him much the same way she treated that stupid wet rat of a dog. Dressed him how she wanted him to dress, made him act the way she wanted him to act and tried to mold him into a male version of her. He couldn�t help it, he rolled his eyes.  
  
  
  
�What did I do?�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked up at Nick, �Nothing why?�  
  
  
  
�Because you just rolled your eyes at me.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry it wasn�t directed at you.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, �Then who was it directed at? There�s no one behind me but the wall.�  
  
  
  
�Just thinking about your ex.�  
  
  
  
�Oh��  
  
  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes after that, humming along about the music dying and driving Chevys to levies; looking at the small menu. A waitress walked over to them, pencil over her ear and dirty apron on, she could have walked out of a sitcom carrying her stereotypical green pad as she stood over the boys waiting to take their order.  
  
  
  
�What�s good here?� Kevin asked making eye contact with the waitress who had to be in her mid forties if she was a day.  
  
  
  
�Honey if you came for GOOD food you have come to the wrong place,� she said cracking herself up but her laugh was so infectious that Nick couldn�t help but giggle along.  
  
  
  
She looked down at him and then a sudden wave of recognition hit her face. �You look familiar do we know each other?�  
  
  
  
Nick shook his head and smiled at the woman, �No sorry.�  
  
  
  
�Okay well you look like someone I know, I�ll have to place you and come back�but for now what would you like sugar?�  
  
  
  
She pronounced it like Shoogah as she blew a bubble with her gum, crackling it and not even caring how loud the pop was.  
  
  
  
Nick pointed over at Kevin since he had no clue what he wanted so the waitress�s eyes went to the older man. �I�ll have the turkey club please with a side salad instead of fries and a Coke.�  
  
  
  
She smirked when he said salad and once again Nick giggled, �you�re a very happy little guy aren�t you son?�  
  
  
  
�I guess I�m in a good mood.�  
  
  
  
�That�s always nice to hear.�  
  
  
  
�I�ll have a burger cooked well well done with fries and a chocolate shake.�  
  
  
  
�Okay one dead cow coming up.� She winked at Nick and walked away.  
  
  
  
�Why were you laughing?� Kevin asked fiddling around with the juke box that was on the table, now _American Pie_ had given way to a song by Kenny Chesney.  
  
  
  
�I just thought it was funny that even in a dive like this you are trying to eat healthy.�  
  
  
  
�You should too Nick.�  
  
  
  
�I came because I wanted ice cream remember?�  
  
  
  
�I hope that shake counts as your ice cream because I�m not buying you a sundae on top of a shake!�  
  
  
  
�Relax Kevin�you are too tense has anyone ever told you that?�  
  
  
  
Kevin responded by placing his middle finger just high enough for Nick to see it. Then quickly his eyes shifted towards a number on the juke box, �Wow Nick they actually have _Help Me_ on here.�  
  
  
  
�My Help Me?�  
  
  
  
Kevin nodded and placed some change into the juke box, �Kevin what are you doing?�  
  
  
  
�I�m picking your song.�  
  
  
  
�Why?�  
  
  
  
�Because I like it.�  
  
  
  
What should have made Nick happy, excited even, just kind of panicked him. Here I�ll give you an analogy to help you understand, it�s kind of like when you are chubby and people tirelessly make fun of you. It doesn�t seem to bother you half as much as it does when a good friend is there sitting and suffering right beside you and that was what Nick was afraid would happen. He didn�t want someone to say something about how horrible his solo effort was while sitting across from Kevin, a man whose opinion meant so much to him.  
  
  
  
Sure, once again he was being paranoid, most of the people in the small diner loved hunting, fishing and country music, you could just tell by reading their hats they would have no clue who Nick Carter was. Still, to have someone talk about how horrible his album was or the song itself in front of Kevin would kill him. Maybe that�s why his album not doing well didn�t bother him quite as much as it should have. He knew deep down no one he loved at the time, really much cared either way. Nick also knew that the boys were well aware of how poorly his album did in comparison to just about all the other people who went solo at around the same time as him, yet because he didn�t regularly talk to them he couldn�t see the embarrassment on their faces, or maybe the look of disappointment. He knew by their avoidance of the subject at all costs, that they were disappointed.  
  
  
  
When he first heard his single, and his album was so far away from the eventual failure it would become, all he wanted was for the boys to call him up so he could play them tracks. He wanted them as excited as he was because in his life, his excitement was always relative to the people around him; if the people around him were happy about what he was doing than so was he, if those same people were indifferent about things than once again he would be too.  
  
  
  
He hated being a chameleon but that�s all he knew how to be, so one day when Kevin had called him out of the blue and sang to his answering machine he finally felt like his album was going to be unstoppable. Even after it failed, he would think back to that one stupid phone call and feel better knowing that no matter what at least Kevin was proud right?  
  
  
  
Once the album did start dropping off the charts and critics started to pull it apart, he then purposely shied away from calling or talking to the boys. When they all finally got together it was like that time in his life didn�t even exist. Any talk of Nick solo went to his tour not his album which was fine by him.  
  
  
  
�I�d rather you didn�t Kev.�  
  
  
  
Kevin had already placed his money in the juke box and was about to punch in the numbers for _Help Me_ when he looked over confused. �Why? I thought you would enjoy hearing yourself blaring through this place.�  
  
  
  
�Uh, have you seen these people Kevin? I�m afraid if they hear this song they�ll shoot you.� He motioned over to the two men sitting at the counter with hunting caps on.  
  
  
  
�Nick it�s not nice to stereotype.� Kevin shook his head and punched in the code for _Help Me_ and then Charlie Daniels _The Devil Went Down To Georgia_. �There we go,� Kevin sat back in the booth and smiled wide at his friend.  
  
  
  
�Maybe we�ll be done by the time it comes on.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t understand Nick, you were serious? You really don�t want to hear it?�  
  
  
  
The waitress walked over with Kevin�s Coke and Nick�s milkshake and smiled at the boys as she placed them down, �Your food should be out right quick boys.� She said popping her gum once more as she walked away.  
  
  
  
�Good our food will be out right quick so maybe I�ll be spared the reaction.�  
  
  
  
Kevin watched as Nick nervously twiddled his thumbs while sipping on his shake. He thought playing the song would make his friend feel better but once again he was only shown that maybe he didn�t know HOW to make Nick happy anymore. That thought saddened him.  
  
  
  
�How�s your shake?�  
  
  
  
�Good�you want some?�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head, �You know when you were a kid and we used to do this, I would ask you for a sip of your shake or a taste of your ice cream and you�d bat my hand away.�  
  
  
  
Nick smiled, �Well technically you didn�t try, I just might well have bat your hand away this time too.�  
  
  
  
�Good point.�  
  
  
  
As the waitress opened the swinging doors to bring the boys out their food the beginning strands of Help Me began to blare through the diner, Nick couldn�t help but slink back on his chair. If he could have hid under the table he would have.  
  
  
  
�Here ya go Turkey club and a salad for you and very crispy burger and fries for you�is there anything else I can get you?� She winked at Nick once again as she placed his platter in front of him.  
  
  
  
�No thanks we�re good.�  
  
  
  
�Well if you need anything just holler honey.�  
  
  
  
�Will do.�  
  
  
  
Nick found himself glancing around the restaurant to see if anyone had reactions to his song and found relief that no one cared either way, relief mixed with a slight tinge of sadness. Kevin noticed his friend looking around and also realized why he was doing it, �Did you expect people to start randomly throwing their food at you or something?�  
  
  
  
Nick took another sip of his shake and then finally bit into his burger. After he swallowed he answered, �Or something.�  
  
  
  
�If they look like they�re about to let loose make sure you tell me so I have time to duck little man.�  
  
  
  
�Very nice Kevin, no way if they throw something I�m going to make sure you get hit too for putting the song on in the first place. If I�m going down then you�re going down too!�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed but watched as Nick�s posture continued to decline, showing how insecure he was about something he had worked so hard on. He felt bad for not supporting him as whole heartedly as he should have but back then priorities were all jumbled.  
  
  
  
If Kevin had only known how badly Nick had needed the support he would have jumped on the bandwagon so much earlier. He was there now though, there to watch out for his baby brother and help to guide him through the bad times.  
  
  
  
When the final chorus ended and the fiddle started on the Devil song, Nick finally let out a breath of relief.  
  
  
  
�See? That wasn�t so bad now was it?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin�� Nick gave Kevin a look that spoke volumes.  
  
  
  
�Sorry buddy, next time I�ll choose Nsync okay?�  
  
  
  
�Are you getting ice cream?�  
  
  
  
�Probably not, my stomach is acting up.� Kevin gripped his stomach and let out a tiny belch.  
  
  
  
�Old age again huh?�  
  
  
  
�Shut up.�  
  
  
  
�Can I get an ice cream cone Kev?�  
  
  
  
�No you just had a shake you hog!�  
  
  
  
�Excuse me�� Both men looked up to find two teenage girls staring at them, where they came from neither boy had any clue.  
  
  
  
�We love you guys and were just wondering if you wouldn�t mind taking a picture with us?� She motioned towards her camera phone and smiled, her arms shaking slightly as she did.  
  
  
  
�Sure sweetheart not a problem at all,� Kevin stood up and hugged the girl who asked.  
  
  
  
�What are you guys doing in Kentucky?� The other one asked Nick as he stood up a little slower than Kevin had.  
  
  
  
�Fishing.�  
  
  
  
�That�s so neat that you guys hang out together, is everyone else here too?�  
  
  
  
�Nope the other guys are back in LA, only Nick and I on this little trip.� Nick moved to one side of the girls and Kevin to the other, the one with the camera motioning for the waitress to come over and take a picture.  
  
  
  
�Well goodness gracious what have we here?� she asked in her thick southern accent.  
  
  
  
�Can you take a picture of us please?� The girl pleaded. Now Nick was becoming self conscious as the few people in the diner turned their heads to see what was going on, including the two guys at the counter wearing those hunter caps.  
  
  
  
�Sure honey bunch��She grabbed the camera phone, �Say cheese!� To which all of them did.  
  
  
  
When the picture was taken both girls hugged each boy. �Thanks so much for doing that. Nick I love you so much!�  
  
  
  
�Thanks baby� He said making sure to include that trademark smirk of his.  
  
  
  
They stared as they walked out of the restaurant backwards, turning the phone towards them so they could see the picture and no doubt call everyone they knew. Ironically the waitress at the front door still had her head down totally oblivious to what had just happened.  
  
  
  
�Okay�the check would be nice about now,� Nick said fidgeting nervously in his seat.  
  
  
  
�I didn�t think we would get recognized in the middle of nowhere.�  
  
  
  
�Me either Kev...but now everyone is staring.� Nick looked over at the two hunters and smiled, they quickly turned back towards the counter.  
  
  
  
The waitress walked over to the table and handed them their check, �Thanks for visiting us over here.� She winked once more at Nick, �Oh and for the record, I am glad you left that Paris chick. She seemed like bad news.� She smiled once more knowingly at Nick and then at Kevin before turning and heading towards the kitchen, this time humming _Help Me_.  
  
  
  
�Well I�ll be damned��  
  
  
  
Nick pushed the check over towards Kevin, �You�re still paying right?�  
  
  
  
Kevin rolled his eyes at his younger friend, �Yeah Nick, I�m still paying.�  
  
They moved out of the booth and walked towards the cashier, eager to get out of their and back to their fishing spot.  
  
  
  
Once in the car, Nick turned to Kevin, �Thanks for lunch.�  
  
  
  
�You�re welcome and for the record, I�m also really glad you dumped that Paris chick.�  
  
  
  
Nick shook his head and smiled as they pulled back onto the road, the two girls from earlier still in the parking lot hoping for one more look.  
  
  
 **Thanks for reading!**  
  
  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

**15**

  
  
  
  
  
  
Kevin rolled his window down and let the soft hot breeze hit the side of his face as he drove away from Chris�s Diner. The girls who had asked for their autographs were waving and jumping as if that would make them turn around and stay longer. He had to admit that he was kind of shocked that they had found fans all the way out in the Kentucky boonies.  
  
  
  
He hesitated briefly allowing himself to go back to thoughts of his mother and how she was doing today. He hated when he did that, when he would be in the middle of something and then suddenly be attacked by what he liked to call a �low� moment. It was fine when other�s had them but not him.  
  
  
  
When it came to his friend�s low moments, Kevin liked to think he was a master. Always there to lend a hand or an ear, whatever was needed at that moment. He never allowed himself the same courtesy though, always trying to push his sad thoughts down in the recesses of his mind. Some days were easier then others but today was proving a hard day for that. He wasn�t even sure why suddenly he felt melancholy.  
  
  
  
�Kevin, I�m like melting here, can we put the air on please?�  
  
  
  
�Fresh air does a body good Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah but not when it�s SO hot that bugs are spontaneously combusting outside.�  
  
  
  
�God exaggerate much?�  
  
  
  
�Me? Nah� Kevin laughed as he closed his window, �You know there isn�t any air conditioning outside once we get back to our fishing hole.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah but until then a guy can be comfortable right?�  
  
  
  
�I guess so.�  
  
  
  
�Were you as surprised as I was to see fans out there?�  
  
  
  
�Uh yeah you can say that.�  
  
  
  
�I just did say that Kevin.�  
  
  
  
Kevin placed his hand on Nick�s shoulder and squeezed tightly, �I�m proud of you Nick.�  
  
  
  
His young friend seemed surprised and taken off guard, �Why?�  
  
  
  
�I just am.�  
  
  
  
�Oookay, well I�m proud of you too?� Nick said it like a question which once again had Kevin cracking up. Trying to read Nick was a chore but it was just plain funny watching Nick trying to read anyone else.  
  
  
  
�I wasn�t fishing for a compliment Nick; I just felt the need to tell you that, that�s all.�  
  
  
  
�Oh�okay, well thanks then.� He smiled and adjusted his sunglasses, leaning his head against the seat and slouching his body forward.  
  
  
  
�Now don�t fall asleep on me little man.�  
  
  
  
�But now my stomach is all full, it�s naptime daddy.�  
  
  
  
�Did I ever tell you about the time my father took me and my brothers to see the world�s biggest toaster?�  
  
  
  
Nick moved his sunglasses off exposing one eye, �Come again?�  
  
  
  
�Yes Kentucky is home to the world�s biggest toaster.�  
  
  
  
�Really? Does it also have the world�s biggest bread because if not the toaster would be useless�unless it had the world�s biggest Pop Tarts!�  
  
  
  
�Anyway�one summer day when I was about ten maybe? The three of us were bored and fighting so my father in order to make us stop arguing randomly told us to get into the car, he had something �magical� to show us.�  
  
  
  
Kevin sighed and placed his own sunglasses on his face now to shield him from the glare.  
  
  
  
�He wouldn�t tell us what we were looking for at all, the entire trek we took turns guessing about what it could be.�  
  
  
  
�What did you think it was?�  
  
  
  
�I thought we were going to visit a Leprechaun.�  
  
  
  
That had Nick sit up straight in his seat and start laughing, �Are you freaking kidding me? Kevin that is AWESOME!�  
  
  
  
�I was only ten.�  
  
  
  
�Still a Leprechaun? That�s priceless.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah that�s what my brothers thought too. I was laughed at for years and years to come.�  
  
  
  
�Wurya lookin fur a pot o� gold matey?"  
  
  
  
�What are you an Australian/Pirate Leprechaun now?� Kevin asked amused by the interesting dialect Nick went with to make fun of him.  
  
  
  
�Aaaargh.�  
  
  
  
�Can I finish my story now Nick?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I guess�I�m bored with my mocking of you.�  
  
  
  
�Great�.so,� He paused to whap Nick on the back of his head, �As I was saying��  
  
  
  
�You know I almost drowned today Kevin you could be a little nicer to me�so don�t pretend you�re sorry�I know you�re not�.� He sang with a twangy accent trying his best to mimic Brian.�  
  
  
  
�Well aren�t you just the king of impressions today�bad impressions I might add.�  
  
  
  
�Hey I�ve known him all my life�he�s my cousin.�  
  
  
  
�I�ve lost you haven�t I?�  
  
  
  
�No, I�m sorry continue with your story, what happened next? After you cried about the whole Leprechaun thing?�  
  
  
  
�I never cried about that, but it took us almost the entire day to get there. I would say about 3 hours. In that time we sang songs and told stories, my dad was the best story teller in the universe.�  
  
  
  
Nick intently listened to his friend, still slouched down in his chair but watching out of the corner of his eye as Kevin fell into memories of his father. Something Nick always noticed about the man sitting next to him, whenever he would tell stories about his dad, he would turn into a kid again. Kevin was always so serious, it was hard to get him to just calm himself down enough to enjoy life but when his dad came into the conversation, the spark of child like wonder lit his eyes. It was nice and sad all at the same time.  
  
  
  
�When we got closer to the place, my father made us all close our eyes, I guess because it was so big you could see it from just beyond the hill we were climbing at that moment. I was afraid to because well�I still kind of had it in my mind we were going to see a Leprechaun and if I closed my eyes he would have eaten me or something.�  
  
  
  
�You know now that you told me about this info I am going to use it against you when you least expect it. Not the toaster story but the Leprechaun.�  
  
  
  
�You do and I�ll kick your ass.�  
  
  
  
�Aww I guess I won�t set that Leprechaun trap for you then.�  
  
  
  
�I knew I should have let you drown.�  
  
  
  
�Back to the toaster story, now that you have hurt my feelings again.� Nick pretended to cry and then placed his face on Kevin�s arms and pretended to blow his nose on Kevin�s sleeve.  
  
  
  
�Get off me doofo burger�anyway Gerald forced me to close my eyes not in a nice way either, but because I knew I was in the car with three people who would never let anything happen to me I was okay. When the car finally stopped my father told us to open our eyes and I looked up in amazement at this huge toaster. It was so cool!�  
  
  
  
�So it�s like a real toaster only bigger?�  
  
  
  
�It�s the size of a garage actually two big slits at the top with fake toast coming out of them. The lever even works; I got to stand on the lever to make it come down.�  
  
  
  
�Does it have like a huge plug too?�  
  
  
  
�No, Nick although that would be cool.�  
  
  
  
�I bet Howie would want it, he has a thing about toasters.�  
  
  
  
�It made us stop fighting though, the rest of the day we just kind of bonded. Dad was great for things like that.�  
  
  
  
Now that child like look was starting to fade from his eyes and the grown up Kevin returned, solemn and sad.  
  
  
  
�You know Kevin remember when you told me you were proud of me?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah it was only a few minutes ago, my memories not that bad Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Well I know you are getting older and all��  
  
  
  
�I knew you were going to say that.�  
  
  
  
�Of course you did, but I wanted to say I know your dad is proud of you Kevin, even though he�s not around anymore he�s probably looking down on you and is bragging to all of the other angels up in heaven, look at my son, he�s a freaking Backstreet Boy so successful, I�m so proud of him.�  
  
  
  
Kevin didn�t really say anything in return but Nick placed his hand on Kevin�s shoulder when he saw a tear escape from under his sunglasses. When he felt Nick�s hand on his shoulder he turned to Nick and smiled, �Thanks buddy.�  
  
  
  
�No problem, it�s the truth.�  
  
  
  
�You know that�s one of the reasons I�m so proud of you Nick, because you�re such a good kid.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I�m a real good kid�.pffft!� Nick rolled his eyes and once again slouched down on his chair.  
  
  
  
�You are Nick.�  
  
  
  
�You just said you should have let me drown.�  
  
  
  
�You know I was just kidding right?�  
  
  
  
�Of course I do.� But the way he answered was more than a bit unconvincing.  
  
  
  
�Because if something ever happened to you I couldn�t handle it for real which is why we always�� Kevin drifted off but that got Nick�s attention.  
  
  
  
�Why you always what?�  
  
  
  
Kevin took a deep breath, �Worry Nick, that�s why we always worry about you.�  
  
  
  
�I�d never do anything stupid Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�You always do stupid things Nick, you act before you think a lot of the time and that sometimes scares us.�  
  
  
  
�Do you have multiple personalities now? What�s with the us?�  
  
  
  
�You know I�m talking about the other guys.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I know.�  
  
  
  
�We love you Nick and we also know you have had a very hard year, a very hard couple of years, we worry. All of us not just me.�  
  
  
  
Nick looked away, facing the window; he was suddenly overcome with emotion but didn�t want to show it. He hid his feelings as best he could, �You don�t have to worry�� He said now sitting up and smiling. �But you do now realize we have to find that giant toaster right?�  
  
  
  
�I have no idea where to even look little man.�  
  
  
  
�It�s gotta be around here someplace.�  
  
  
  
�Kentucky is a big place Nick.�  
  
  
  
�It�s not that big.�  
  
  
  
�This coming from the kid who said Norway was IN Sweden.�  
  
  
  
�Okay you realize you can never make fun of me again after the whole Leprechaun story right?�  
  
  
  
�I was ten.�  
  
  
  
�I was only fourteen or fifteen.�  
  
  
  
Kevin nodded, �You�re right�I say we call a truce. No more making fun of you for geography and me for small gnome like creatures.�  
  
  
  
�Okay deal�now can you do me a favor and shut off the air conditioning before I freeze to death?�  
  
  
  
�But you are the one who wanted it on in the first place.�  
  
  
  
�I did not! Look there�s like a penguin ice skating on your dashboard.� Kevin shook his head and turned the air off, once again opening his window.  
  
  
  
�That�s much better thanks daddy Kev.�  
  
  
  
�You�re welcome my son.�  
  
  
  
Nick giggled and turned his head back towards the window, shielding the few tears that were dropping down his cheeks from Kevin.  
  
  
  
Kevin glanced over at his friend with mouth open ready to say something more but stopped and instead reached over and ruffled Nick�s hair. To which Nick smiled but still didn�t allow himself to look over at his friend. There was so much he wanted to say, just talk things out but there was always that hesitation. Now would have been the perfect opportunity but he blew it like he always blew it. So instead he closed his eyes and pretended to take that nap. Thinking about how safe he felt with this person in the car just like Kevin felt with his father and brothers.  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

****

**16**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
When they got back to their fishing spot, there was another car occupying the space that Kevin and Nick had vacated.  
  
  
  
�Dang! Looks like someone else stole our idea.� Nick said in a slightly whiny voice, reminding Kevin of the child who didn�t like to entertain anything new.  
  
  
  
�The more the merrier I guess.� Kevin opened his car door and stopped and looked in the window at Nick, �So are you coming?�  
  
  
  
Nick sighed as he opened his door, �I hate sharing.�  
  
  
  
�Yes I know this about you.�  
  
  
  
�What if it�s those girls from the restaurant? Did you notice if they followed us?�  
  
  
  
�No one followed us, just probably someone fishing like us�no big deal.�  
  
  
  
When Nick was younger he was always hesitant to let someone into the small circle that had become his Backstreet family. Whenever another person from management came into the picture or a brand new body guard, publicist, even hair stylist, it would take their youngest member forever to warm up to that person.  
  
  
  
Believe it or not something that only those closest to him knew was out of all of them, Nick did not like change. At least at the beginning it was a big secret, as the years went on and their lives were gradually spilled out all over the magazines and entertainment shows, the die hard fans also came to realize that same fact.  
  
  
  
Kevin sometimes tried to put himself in Nick�s shoes but they never quite fit which was a fact that often frustrated his friend. �No one understands me.� Was usually his typical angsty teenage response and he was right because no one ever did.  
  
  
  
It was when Brian and Leighanne�s relationship took off that Kevin first started to understand what exactly was going on. He was afraid of being alone; simple really once the puzzle pieces were put together. Whenever someone came into the inner circle it meant one of the five of them might be taken away.  
  
  
  
Nick was jealous, completely jealous of Leigh at first. He used to even go so far as making fun of her. It would piss Brian off, it did piss Leigh off, but Kevin understood. He saw behind all of that. Brian was Nick�s safe place but Leigh came along and threw him out of there. It sounds juvenile but considering Nick�s emotional upbringing and his childhood, it made sense.  
  
  
  
Kevin decided that he would try to fill that void left by Leighanne so he would invite Nick along to a movie or ask him to play basketball. Whenever he did, Nick would get this light in his eyes, as if he was the fat kid usually picked last on a team but chosen over the athlete. Kristin helped too, by always welcoming his little brother with open arms, something that Brian�s wife wasn�t ever eager to do, but then again she had overheard Nick more than once making fun of her and her boobs. It was to be expected that the two wouldn�t get along that well.  
  
  
  
Unfortunately when Kevin decided to take on this task there was another one soon waiting in the wings and that was AJ�s drug problem. Nick gradually started to take a backseat to everyone, while they tirelessly worried about the rebel of the group, his late night binges, his change in personality, and his suddenly violent demeanor.  
  
  
  
So Nick decided to take the same approach he took with Leighanne and made fun of AJ. He really had no clue what was going on with his friend. He knew AJ liked to drink but out of all of them, it was Nick who lived on that river of denial. So when AJ would show up late to a meeting it was Nick who would give him a hard time. He missed all the others eyeing him with concerned faces, trying to cut him off, trying to shut him up until finally AJ would get mad and walk out of the room.  
  
  
  
It wasn�t until one murky day when Brian and Kevin approached him while he was playing basketball that Nick finally understood what was going on.  
  
  
  
 _�Nicky we need to talk to you.�  
  
  
  
�I�m busy.� He was doing lay ups, being stubborn as usual since Brian and Kevin had both blew him off for the game they were now interrupting.  
  
  
  
�This is serious stop playing around.� Kevin had little patience at this point and thinking back on a lot of that Black and Blue time he would place that on his list of re-dos.  
  
  
  
�Okay but one more shot.� Nick threw the ball which Kevin caught in mid air.  
  
  
  
�No more shots, we need you to come with us.�  
  
  
  
�Where?�  
  
  
  
�AJ�s�  
  
  
  
�Why?�  
  
  
  
�Because he�s late and we�re worried.�  
  
  
  
Nick rolled his eyes, jealousy once again creeping into the features of his face. �So call him then, you do know how to use a phone right?�  
  
  
  
�God Nick, don�t you care about anyone but yourself?� Brian asked disgusted walking away.  
  
  
  
That left Kevin and Nick alone both staring at each other. When it looked like the 21 year old wasn�t going to budge Kevin shook his head and started to walk away. Something made him stop, to this day Kevin felt like this was the real turning point for things to come when AJ was concerned.  
  
  
  
He turned around and walked back over to Nick, �Do you have any idea what�s going on with AJ? You don�t do you?�  
  
  
  
Nick crossed his arms defensively in front of him, �I know he�s been a real jerk off lately, just like all of you have.�  
  
  
  
�Nick he has a problem.�  
  
  
  
�We all have problems Kevin; you guys just seem to care more about his.�  
  
  
  
Kevin walked over and placed his hand on Nick�s shoulder, �No I mean he has a problem, you have to see it right? Something is not right with him and Brian and I want to go confront him. We want you to come.�  
  
  
  
Nick stood silently; finally he nodded and followed Kevin.  
  
  
  
That night they rang AJ�s doorbell about fifty times until finally having to climb through a window to get inside. Nick stood in the back as he watched Kevin throw water on AJ as he lay in bed, and then watched as Brian who was normally calm and collected; cuss as if he was a truck driver as he picked up dog crap that was lying all over the place. The dogs were yapping tirelessly because their bowls were lacking food and water but instead of helping all Nick could do was stare.  
  
  
  
He stared as AJ finally awake but clearly not sober brushed past him almost knocking him down. He stared as Kevin started kicking the empty bed in frustration and he stared as Brian opened windows trying to air out the place that smelled horrible. He never said a word, but he finally got it._  
  
  
  
�Well?� Nick looked over at Kevin and smiled, �Wow seems like I�m not the only one that zones out. Maybe it�s catchy.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry?�  
  
  
  
�I said are we going down or what? It looks like it�s a guy and a kid down there.�  
  
  
  
Kevin glanced past Nick to the water where a man was helping a small boy cast a rod into the water. �Yup let�s go.�  
  
  
  
�Uh Kevin, aren�t you forgetting something?� Kevin looked back as Nick nodded at the trunk, �our one rod.�  
  
  
  
�Right.�  
  
  
  
�You okay man?� Nick looked concerned as Kevin went to open his trunk.  
  
  
  
�Yeah, sorry I was just thinking about AJ and the well� you know.�  
  
  
  
Nick�s face grew serious, �Why are you thinking about that out of the blue?�  
  
  
  
�I have no idea.�  
  
  
  
�It would have been fun to invite him along too.� Nick said while placing a cap on his head and adjusting his sunglasses.  
  
  
  
�Can you imagine AJ fly fishing?�  
  
  
  
�No but can you imagine ME fly fishing?�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �Good point.�  
  
  
  
As they made their way closer to the water the older man turned to look their way. Kevin gave him a friendly nod to which the man returned with a smile before turning his attention back to the child who was clearly young enough to be his grandson.  
  
  
  
�You want to walk a little more upstream?�  
  
  
  
�I guess, doesn�t matter to me where�s upstream?�  
  
  
  
�That way,� Kevin said pointing toward the sun. As they passed by the man and the boy, he heard a little of their conversation.  
  
  
  
�Slow and steady Will�slow and steady, you have to be patient.�  
  
  
  
�I�m never going to catch a fish.�  
  
  
  
�When you least expect it, it�ll happen.�  
  
  
  
Kevin�s mind drifted back to that night in Boston, a day before he broke down AJ�s door. He hated even being in the same room with the drug addict, ever since the incident at the house AJ kept his distance from the members of the band doing nothing but further alienating them all. The biggest change he noticed was Nick however who barely said a word to anyone. All the kid ever seemed to want to do was play basketball.  
  
  
  
And that was where he found him all alone doing lay ups just like he was when his eyes were abruptly opened to the problem for the first time.  
  
  
  
 _�Hey, what are you doing?�  
  
  
  
Nick stopped for a second and looked over at Kevin before running for the hoop, �What does it look like I�m doing?�  
  
  
  
�I was wondering if everything is all good with you?�  
  
  
  
�Why would you be wondering that?� Once again Kevin found himself stealing the ball away from Nick but this time he went for a basket and missed.  
  
  
  
�Because you aren�t acting like yourself.�  
  
  
  
�Nobody is acting like themselves.� Nick had a point that Kevin couldn�t refute so once again he bounced the ball and tried to get it in the basket.  
  
  
  
About a minute later AJ walked out of the door and glanced at both Kevin and Nick. �You�re late�again!�  
  
  
  
�Stuff it Kaos.�  
  
  
  
�Were you guys going to play a game or something?�  
  
  
  
�Or something.� Nick said grabbing the ball from Kevin and making a shot. Before he could further pursue his line of questioning, the fight had begun. Where it came from is something that even today remains a mystery.  
  
  
  
�You know what, I�m getting pretty tired of your tone with me Nick, from the others I can deal with it but I will NOT be treated like crap from you!�  
  
  
  
Nick stopped mid bounce and glared at AJ, �Oh and why is that? You respect their opinions but not mine?�  
  
  
  
AJ shook his head and started walking away, a move which enraged the younger man. �Maybe I should tell Kevin what you were doing last night then? What I caught you doing.�  
  
  
  
�Shut the hell up!�  
  
  
  
Kevin stepped into the argument now, �What were you doing?�  
  
  
  
�Nothing, he�s a freaking jackass.�  
  
  
  
�Oh am I?�  
  
AJ had a look in his eyes, a look that Kevin never had the desire to ever see again. It was a mix of pure hatred and emptiness. �You know why I will take crap from them and not from you Nick? Because you are nothing but a huge pile of white trash! I don�t respect your opinion; you don�t have enough brains in that little head of yours to formulate an opinion.�  
  
  
  
�AJ, that�s enough!� Kevin shouted with disbelief in his voice but it was too late, the damage had been done. Nick who had been holding the basketball in front of him now took aim and tossed it right at AJ�s head.  
  
  
  
�You�re a son of a bitch.� He said now running at AJ full tilt ready to tackle.  
  
  
  
AJ was pushed back by the force of Nick�s weight but he never faltered. He grabbed Nick by the neck and actually started to choke him. �You are the son of a bitch Nick!� He was straddling Nick as he lay on top of him. Kevin ran to help, trying to grab AJ off of the blonde.  
  
  
  
�Get the hell off me Kevin!� AJ growled out as Nick bat at his face.  
  
  
  
�You�re going to kill him AJ get off of him NOW!� AJ suddenly let go and climbed off Nick, looking confused and angry. All Nick could do was roll on his side and cough.  
  
  
  
Kevin for the first time in a long time had no idea what to do as he watched one friend on the ground trying to breath and the other run right off the deep end. He decided to follow AJ leaving Nick on the floor alone. _  
  
  
  
�That�s right Will, easy does it.�  
  
  
  
�But grandpa I feel like I�m going to lose the rod.�  
  
  
  
Nick walked closer to Kevin, placed his arm on his shoulder and whispered, �You know it�s not polite to eavesdrop Kev.�  
  
  
  
The little boy turned at the sound of Nick�s voice and looked over at the boys. Knowing he was caught blatantly listening to their conversation; Kevin decided to put his two cents in, �You know my dad used to take me fishing all the time and he used to tell me the same thing that your grandfather is telling you so you should listen to him.�  
  
  
  
Maybe he was expecting one of those life altering moments of clarity from the little boy, you know when he turns to his grandfather and says, �Yes I understand perfectly now, my life is forever changed because of this man over here telling me to listen to you.� But maybe Kevin had just watched too many sappy movies with Kristin because instead the little boy said, �Oh yeah? How many fish did you catch today?�  
  
  
  
That got a chuckle out of Nick and a fun loving brow raise from Kevin, �I haven�t caught anything yet today.�  
  
�Okay then why should I listen to you?�  
  
  
  
�William that is not a nice thing to say.� The grandfather said lightly tapping his grandson on the shoulder. The older man gave Kevin an apologetic nod, �I�m very sorry sometimes my grandson doesn�t mind his manners.�  
  
  
  
�Um, sorry to bother you both.� Kevin said after a few seconds of awkward silence.  
  
  
  
�I am so glad I came with you man�that was the best.� Nick exclaimed while walking away from the duo.  
  
  
  
�I thought the Leprechaun story was the best.�  
  
  
  
�Okay then that was the second best.�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Nick.�  
  
  
  
�I know you were trying to help but man, kids today�you should have seen your face.�  
  
  
  
Kevin shook his head as he continued to guide his friend upstream but not quite out of ear shot yet.  
  
  
  
�How many times do I have to tell you to be polite to your elders William?�  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry pop pop.�  
  
  
  
�We�ll talk more about it when we get home.�  
  
  
  
 _�You can�t hide from me forever AJ! You have to come out of that damn room sometime and when you do we have to talk about what just happened. About what�s BEEN happening.�  
  
  
  
Kevin was met with silence behind a wood door; the same one he would break down the very next day out of mounting frustration. He turned and headed back towards the alley where he had left Nick lying on the ground after almost being strangled to death by one of his best friends.  
  
  
  
By the time he got out there Nick was up and shooting hoops again, as if nothing even happened. �Are you okay?�  
  
  
  
�I�ll live I guess, how�s AJ?�  
  
  
  
�He�ll live too�I hope.�  
  
  
  
Kevin was about to grab the ball out of Nick�s hands and this time, sit him down and talk about all of the feelings that he knew were living deep down inside of his little brother, but Nick had other plans, he threw the ball which failed to connect with the basket and in a fit of pure frustration he decided to punch the wall. Immediately he fell to the floor and landed in a fetal position, his hand broken in two places�  
  
  
  
In a moment of absolute weakness and sadness a few days later right before going on TRL, Nick in full blown tears looked over at Kevin who wasn�t quite sure how to console his sad friend. They were all sad and feeling detached but once again he understood there were more to the tears. Not only was he crying for AJ and the fact that he was at rock bottom and needed help, but he was also crying because it was the first time truly that their inner circle was broken. He was really never the same after that. _  
  
  
  
Now Kevin caught himself looking over at Nick who sometimes wore that same mask of loneliness that he wore back in that time and place.  
  
  
  
�That was a dark time wasn�t it?�  
  
  
  
�What? You getting dissed by that kid?�  
  
  
  
�No, I�m talking about AJ, Black and Blue, that whole time.�  
  
  
  
�Oh, yeah it was�why do you keep bringing that up?�  
  
  
  
�Because it was a dark time but we got through it you know? If we made it through that we can make it through anything.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah thanks for the speech coach.�  
  
  
  
Kevin shrugged as Nick rolled his eyes. �We can Nick.�  
  
  
  
�You know you�re getting very random in your old age Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�I don�t think I�m being all that random and neither do you.� Nick turned towards his friend and in Kevin�s eyes the only thing missing was that basketball he kept by his side during that whole crisis.  
  
  
  
Maybe he was going to disagree or stick up his middle finger but hearing the little boy suddenly say, �Grandpa why are there pants floating around in here?� Made both boys smile and laugh.  
  
  
  
�Come on we better get going, I�ll catch a billion fish and show that little brat whose king of the sea.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah Kevin you show him� Bonehead.�  
  
  
  
�Come on I�ll race you!� Kevin said taking off on the grass before Nick even knew what was happening.  
  
�Hey no fair!�  
  
  
  
He heard faintly as he ran upstream into the sun, trying to leave those horrible memories where they belonged, in the dust.  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

**17**

  
  
  
  
  
  
They stopped just over the hill where the water suddenly was very calm and still. Kevin ran and plopped down under a tree with Nick following. �Seems like even though I�m an old man according to you, I can still outrun your young ass huh?�  
  
  
  
�You cheated.� Nick was out of breath as he lay on his back and Kevin couldn�t help but smile. He was always so out of shape. How many times had Kevin tried to take Nick to the gym or teach him how to lift weights? Most of those things ironically ended up with the two of them going out for lunch or ice cream.  
  
  
  
�You are going to have to get that butt back in shape for our tour kiddo otherwise you won�t last.�  
  
  
  
�I�m in shape.�  
  
  
  
�Well you are a shape and it�s called round.� To emphasize his point Kevin rubbed Nick�s stomach.  
  
  
  
Nick sat up and frowned, �Shut up Kev�� he sounded hurt. Kevin forgot how sensitive he had become about his weight.  
  
  
  
�Aww Nick you know I�m only kidding.�  
  
  
  
�You�re not kidding,� Nick shook his head at his big brother as he pulled his legs under him to once again sit like a pretzel.  
  
  
  
�You aren�t big Nick, but you are out of shape. I just don�t want you getting sick all the time.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not always sick and once again I do have to state for the record that you did in fact cheat.�  
  
  
  
�I didn�t cheat.�  
  
  
  
�Yes you did, you started running then said it was a race which is cheating Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�Nick, are you saying that if we had a race right here and now that you would beat me?�  
  
  
  
�Yes.�  
  
  
  
Kevin stood up and slapped the grass off his pants, �All right then let�s go.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, �What? Kevin don�t be a fool�I don�t want you to break a hip or something.�  
  
  
  
�You�re afraid I�ll beat you.�  
  
  
  
�No I�m not, I�m afraid you�ll hurt yourself and I�ll end up carrying your broken ass back to the car.�  
  
  
  
Kevin rubbed his hands together which once again made Nick crack up, �Kevin you are nuts you know that?�  
  
  
  
�Okay if you win, I will never bug you about all the junk food you eat, but if I win? After fishing we hit the gym.�  
  
  
  
�How sad is it that you consider working out as a victory Kev?�  
  
  
  
�Who said I�d be working out�?  
  
  
  
�How about if I win you have to eat a box of Twinkies.�  
  
  
  
�Are you trying to kill me Kaos?�  
  
  
  
Nick rolled his eyes, �I really don�t want you to hurt yourself.�  
  
  
  
�Nick I swear to God if you say that one more time I�m going to beat your ass.�  
  
  
  
�You�re a very competitive guy aren�t you?�  
  
  
  
�Let�s go��  
  
  
  
Kevin offered a hand to his younger friend and helped him off the grass. �I can�t believe you are making us race�good lord and they say I�m immature.�  
  
  
  
Kevin slapped Nick�s butt, �You ready junior?�  
  
  
  
�I guess so.�  
  
  
  
�We�ll race down to that tree standing alone over yonder.�  
  
  
  
�Okay.� Nick said half chuckling, �I wish the guys were here to see this. Victory won�t be as sweet with no witnesses.�  
  
  
  
Kevin rolled his eyes and then hunched down on the ground, taking a runner�s stance. �On your mark�get set�GO!� As Kevin said the word he started running full blown down the hill leaving Nick laughing as he took off.  
  
  
  
He always worried about his younger friend�s health, he never took care of himself properly, his eating habits were horrible but once again he never really had anyone to teach him other wise. Nick would sometimes sit in awe of Kevin when he was 12 and 13 years old, following the oldest band member into Lou�s weight room and watch him bench press more than Nick�s own weight. He would look at the guy as if he was staring at Batman and of course Kevin would play into it, sometimes grabbing Nick and lifting him up over his head.  
  
  
  
Back then it always seemed like he wanted nothing more than to learn how to use the equipment, but that was before puberty. Once Nick went through that, he would always prefer to sleep instead of work out which was something that drove Kevin insane.  
  
  
  
It wasn�t so bad though until they really started with the full blown touring. Kevin would notice Nick panting up on stage and sometimes squatting down almost ready to pass out. He fell ill so easily on tour, seemed like he would be sick from start to finish and the Kentucky cousins surmised it was because Nick wasn�t properly taking care of himself. So Kevin put Nick on a diet, took him under his wing, only allowed him to eat what he was eating and forced him to work out. The other guys got such a kick out of it but not Nick. He hated it; it made him feel small he would say to Brian when he thought Kevin couldn�t possibly hear him. Back then he never fully grasped the whole _even if he�s not sitting right next to you he can still hear you_ thing.  
  
  
  
Nevertheless, Kevin never gave up, always pushing Nick to the maximum. Waking him up early and practically carrying him over his shoulder down to the weight rooms of whichever hotel they were staying at for the night.  
  
  
  
All that stopped halfway through the Millennium tour when lifting with Kevin once again at an ungodly hour of the morning, Nick suddenly fell to the floor crying from exhaustion. Kevin felt so bad for getting Nick to that point that he had left him alone for the rest of the tour, even gave him a Hershey bar to bring up his energy when he seemed ready to collapse but back then they were so exhausted they all seemed close to breaking.  
  
  
  
�Passed ya!� Kevin felt a slight breeze as Nick suddenly passed him by taking the lead.  
  
  
  
�What?� He gasped, but by the time he did Nick was almost at the tree they were racing towards.  
  
  
  
The Millennium years were the hardest touring wise only because they were so big everywhere, there was no place they could escape the insanity. When they weren�t on stage or being interviewed, it seemed like they were at a photo shoot or rehearsal. It was probably the best shape Kevin was in as well as the other three but Nick just wasn�t keeping up in that department and it really took its toll on him.  
  
  
  
At one point it was downright scary when one day in a rehearsal Nick just went down like a wet noodle. Once again if Kevin had the ability to do things over he would have handled that situation differently but all he remembers is being mad at Nick. He actually yelled at the kid as he was waking up. They were all so immature back then, and scared that any little set back would put an end to their careers, they didn�t much care about each others feelings. Kevin yelled but it was more out of fear than anger. He never told Nick that though. No wonder the kid thought he hated him.  
  
  
  
�Ha!� Kevin looked up to see Nick tag the tree then fall to the ground on his back with his knees up.  
  
  
  
Kevin was about five seconds behind him, but still behind. He had lost and he was shocked. Of course to further add to the humiliation Nick waved his hands in the air, his fingers holding up V�s �I rock!� He managed to get out as his breathing calmed.  
  
  
  
Kevin pat the tree and then sat beside Nick, �I wasn�t concentrating.�  
  
  
  
�What is there to concentrate on Kevin? Admit it I beat your butt!�  
  
  
  
�Not by much.�  
  
  
  
�It�s going to be so much fun watching you eat Twinkies�I�ll help you if you�d like.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not eating a box of Twinkies Nick; you only won because I wasn�t concentrating.�  
  
  
  
Now Nick sat up looking shocked, �But the deal was you had to eat an entire box of Twinkies, and I won because I was faster.�  
  
  
  
�That�s a stupid thing to bet.�  
  
  
  
�So is going to the gym but I bet if your ass won we would have ended up going.�  
  
  
  
�No we wouldn�t have.�  
  
  
  
�I can�t believe you, Kevin Richardson, are trying to weasel out of a bet. I�m so disappointed in you.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not weaseling, you only won because��  
  
  
  
�I know I know�because you weren�t concentrating which isn�t true and frankly it pisses me off.� Now Nick sat up straight with his legs stretched out in front of him, shaking his head.  
  
  
  
�Why are you pissed off?�  
  
  
  
�Because you think it�s SO impossible for me to beat you in a race? God Kevin, give me some credit. You know I�ve been working my ass off trying to get in shape and I think I have done a really great job. Don�t you think it�s possible that I beat you because I was FASTER than you?�  
  
  
  
Kevin took a few minutes to think about that one, just what Nick didn�t want to see but it was an internal struggle for Kevin. Truth was he WAS always faster and stronger and overall always ahead of the youngest member of the band.  
  
  
  
�You know what forget it!� Nick said standing up and walking away from Kevin when he failed to answer the question in what Nick perceived to be the allotted time.  
  
  
  
�Nick, come back here.�  
  
  
  
�No, you suck!� Kevin chuckled under his breath as he stood up and walked over to Nick who started walking further away.  
  
  
  
�Nick�come on��  
  
  
  
That made him turn around to face Kevin, �You think I�m so much of a loser that I couldn�t even win a little foot race down a grassy hill.�  
  
  
  
�I never said you were a loser.�  
  
  
  
�You didn�t have to.�  
  
  
  
�Nick, you�re not a loser now come back here. Stop making me chase you.�  
  
  
  
Nick suddenly stopped and turned around, his arms folded across his chest and his head down. �You do think I�m a loser Kevin, admit it.�  
  
  
  
That�s when Kevin realized this was about so much more than winning a stupid race down a stupid hill. Wasn�t it always like that with Nick though? So many hidden messages the kid almost needed to come with his own decoder.  
  
  
  
�I don�t think you are a loser Nick, I never have.�  
  
  
  
�Pffft! Yeah right,� he muttered while rolling his eyes.  
  
  
  
Kevin made his way next to his friend now and tried his best to look Nick in the eyes; he always took things seriously when you made eye contact with him. �I wish you would stop thinking you�re a loser.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah well maybe when everyone else does I will too.�  
  
  
  
Kevin nodded, message decoded successfully. He would have pat himself on the back but that probably would have looked out of place so he pat Nick on the back instead. �No one thinks you are a loser, not anyone that should matter anyway.�  
  
  
  
�I beat you fair and square Kevin and if I were Brian or AJ or hell even Howie you would have had NO problem with it.�  
  
  
  
�It amazes me that even when you don�t try to, you still always manage to insult Howie.�  
  
  
  
�Stop trying to avoid what I just said.�  
  
  
  
�Okay, you are right. Nick if you must know, I�m not used to you being my equal. It�s not that I don�t think you are my equal but to me you�ll always be that scrawny kid I used to bench press.�  
  
  
  
�AJ was scrawny too, he�s STILL scrawny.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I know,�  
  
  
  
�And he�s only 2 years older than I am.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I know that too��  
  
  
  
�But you have always treated him like an adult; you look down on me Kevin because you think I�m a loser.�  
  
  
  
�Where is all this loser talk coming from? Did someone call you a loser recently?�  
  
  
  
�No.�  
  
  
  
�You need to stop putting yourself down all the time. God Nick sometimes I wish I had a tape recorder on me just so you could hear yourself. You call yourself stupid, a loser, a jerk�all the time.�  
  
  
  
�That�s because everyone else calls me that.�  
  
  
  
�There�s that everyone else thing again.�  
  
  
  
�Okay fine what about our fans? I mean have you ever gone onto our message boards ever Kevin? Bean will print them out for me to read sometimes and they always say the same things. They hate me.�  
  
  
  
�Nick�I love our fans you know that right?�  
  
  
  
Nick nodded as Kevin continued, �But we have a lot of jerkish, know it all types of fans that don�t know what they were talking about. Half of them talk out of their asses!� That made Nick burst out laughing.  
  
  
  
�Didn�t you just insult us by saying that?�  
  
  
  
�No, I�m talking about the people who love to HATE us.�  
  
  
  
�Oh, them��  
  
  
  
�They only know the Nick in the tabloids and the Nick they think they know based on interviews and a few encounters at hotels. They don�t know you.� Kevin placed his hand on Nick�s heart, �They don�t know the kid I know and you have to realize that as well.�  
  
  
  
�But their opinions matter to me.�  
  
  
  
�I know but don�t concentrate on the bad ones, Nick there are a lot of crazy people out there that like to put their negative attitudes on anyone they can. The only reason they pick on you is because you are so popular, maybe you should concentrate on that for once.�  
  
  
  
�So you really don�t think I�m a loser?�  
  
  
  
�No, I don�t think you�re a loser.�  
  
  
  
�Since you don�t think I�m a loser is that your round about way of admitting that I beat you fair and square?�  
  
  
  
Kevin sat down on the hill they had managed to climb up once again as if they were starting all over again. Nick sat beside him waiting for his answer. �Fine you beat me fair and square.�  
  
  
  
�And?�  
  
  
  
Kevin gave Nick a raised eyebrow, �And what?�  
  
  
  
�And aren�t you going to say that I totally rock!�  
  
  
  
�Nope, sorry.�  
  
  
  
Nick sighed as he lay down on the grass, taking a piece and putting it in his mouth as he stared up at the sky, �Okay but I do rock.�  
  
  
  
�I feel old.�  
  
  
  
�You are old...old and very random.� When no smart ass reply came from Kevin, Nick turned on his side, �Kevin you aren�t old, and I�m just playing.�  
  
  
  
Kevin half smiled, �Thanks but I really do feel old. I mean I look at Brian and his wife and they have a kid and seem so much more settled than I do.�  
  
  
  
�Kev, having a kid doesn�t make someone settled. Neither does marrying a control freak.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I now but�the clocks ticking, my bones creak, I get tired earlier now, I actually woke up at 5 am without needing an alarm clock!�  
  
  
  
Nick giggled, �I know I tease you about your age all the time Kevin but you aren�t old. Not even close.�  
  
  
  
�By the time my father was my age he was married and had three kids already.�  
  
  
  
Nick sat up once again and placed his hands in the grass to help hold his body up as Kevin glanced down and continued, �I feel like by now I should have done this�or that, but I haven�t.�  
  
  
  
�You feel like a loser too huh?�  
  
  
  
�I didn�t say that.�  
  
  
  
Nick glanced over at his friend and winked, �You didn�t have to.�  
  
  
  
They sat quietly staring at the water from their place high on top of the hill. Nick pulling up grass and laying it down to make a pile and Kevin just taking in the smell of earth meeting water.  
  
  
  
�Kevin if it makes you feel any better, I look up to you, I always have. I wouldn�t look up to a loser.�  
  
  
  
That made Kevin smile, �Thanks.�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh.� Nick extended a blade of grass to Kevin as if it was a glass of wine, to which Kevin accepted and placed it in his mouth.  
  
  
  
�You know if we raced again I bet I would beat you.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin don�t press your luck.�  
  
  
  
�And one more thing then I promise I�ll shut up��  
  
  
  
�I know Kev; I�m trying to get in shape okay?�  
  
  
  
�I wasn�t going to say that Nick, I was going to say that you aren�t a loser buddy. I mean you can�t be if you looked up to me right?�  
  
  
  
�I still want to see you eat a box of Twinkies.�  
  
  
  
�I�m afraid hell would have to freeze over first little man.�  
  
  
  
They both laughed.  
  



	18. Chapter 18

  
  
****

**18**

  
  
  
  
Nick sat pretzel style watching as Kevin fished. They decided shortly after their little race and ensuing talk of inadequacies that maybe they should at least try to catch one fish while out here. �Kristin won�t even believe we went fishing if I come back empty handed.� Kevin had said grabbing Nick�s rod and walking back into the water.  
  
  
  
�Do you usually catch a lot of fish Kev?�  
  
  
  
�Huh?� Kevin asked turning his body to face Nick.  
  
  
  
Nick tried again this time raising his voice to try to compete with the small roar of the water. �I said how many fish do you usually catch when you go fishing?�  
  
  
  
�Oh�usually one or two.�  
  
  
  
�Wow that�s it? You kind of stink at this don�t you?�  
  
  
  
�I don�t see you catching anything either buddy.�  
  
  
  
�I know but I never said I was a fisherman, I don�t fish, besides I�m not allowed in the water anymore remember?�  
  
  
  
�Vaguely, and I never called myself a fisherman either. I just said I loved to fish. There�s a difference you know.�  
  
  
  
�What do you do with the fish you catch?�  
  
  
  
�I bring them home and tell them jokes�what do you think?� The fast, witty comeback had Nick break into laughter.  
  
  
  
�You know Kev, when you want to you can be quite funny.�  
  
  
  
�Why thank you Nickolas.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin, tell me another story about your dad.�  
  
  
  
Kevin who was about to toss his line into the water hesitated briefly before continuing his forward motion; you could tell he was surprised by the request he had gotten. �I always thought my stories bored you.�  
  
  
  
�Sometimes they do but I like hearing about your dad.� Things like that always had a way of shocking Kevin.  
  
  
  
Nick was odd that way. He could be so brutal sometimes, say the most insensitive things to everyone, and make everyone mad then at the last second this soft side appeared. It blew the guys away from time to time, to see how much the kid actually did love and care about his band mates.  
  
  
  
Like out of the blue he might go up to Howie, who he managed to tease horribly and give him a hug and tell him how much he loved the guy, sometimes buying D an elephant to bring home to his mother. After he and AJ would fight, (which happened a lot when they were both young and stupid) it would be Nick going over to AJ and giving him a freshly made caricature or perhaps a friendly hug from behind. It was his way of making up, being overly affectionate.  
  
  
  
It was probably all the �you�re an old fart.� Talk that sparked this bout of niceness, but Kevin decided to turn the tables.  
  
  
  
�Why don�t you tell me a story about your dad kiddo?�  
  
  
  
�Me?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah, I feel like I�ve been doing most of the talking today. I mean you have babbled here and there but catch me up.�  
  
  
  
Nick�s posture changed as he slid his legs out from under himself and placed his toes in the water, �I really can�t think of anything�I can do this right?� He asked which made Kevin smile.  
  
  
  
�Yes no harm in sticking your feet in the water, just try not to fall in.�  
  
  
  
�You know Kevin I can swim�� He stopped when he got the look. The one that told Nick, you�re not going to win this argument little buddy so don�t even try.  
  
  
  
�So�no stories at all? I mean with such a big family I bet there�s tons of stories you can tell.�  
  
  
  
�You�ve heard all the good ones.�  
  
  
  
�What about recent? Like the last time you all got together.�  
  
  
  
�It was good, nothing too out of the ordinary.�  
  
  
  
Nick felt like there was more fishing going on than the simple rod cast out into the sea kind. For some reason, he felt like Kevin was trying to catch him in a lie. Maybe it was just his own insecurity, but he did feel himself getting defensive. A feeling he tried his hardest to suppress, after all it�s not Kevin�s fault his own family was so messed up. But then again maybe if he just told the guys the truth every now and again he wouldn�t always feel so attacked.  
  
  
  
�Actually Kevin I haven�t really seen them all together in a long time, we barely talk anymore honestly. I mean dad has his own family and mom is�well�nuts, so family and I are kind of non existent. It�s all good though.�  
  
  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence in the air, Nick shifted once again this time moving one leg under his body while the other still dangled in the water making circular motions as it moved. He hated revealing things like that, even though he was certain Kevin knew, that most likely everyone knew, it still made him feel so vulnerable. Maybe that�s why he never opened up to people, it wasn�t so much the getting it out there but more the reaction once it was.  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry man; that must be hard for you?�  
  
  
  
�It�s all good, I mean I spoke to Aaron the other day, he seems to be doing well.�  
  
  
  
Kevin nodded and gave Nick a half smile. He admittedly never understood Nick�s family and how they could behave as dysfunctional as they did. True he never was exposed to that at all; there was barely any dysfunction in his own family. Maybe in the whole Richardson bloodline there might have been one divorce. Family meant the world to him and what broke his heart most is that he knew that family meant just as much to Nick. The only difference being at the end of the day he had a solid one and his friend didn�t. When Nick got into trouble with the law, he called Kevin first, didn�t even hesitate. At first Kevin couldn�t figure out why, not until he actually saw the non existent reactions that Nick�s parents had to the arrest. They seemed so ho hum about it, no lecture, no sympathy, no love. By that time, family had just become a word to the Carters all except the oldest one. So Kevin took over the role, being there for his little brother, letting him cry on his shoulder then sternly lecturing him about what he had done. Even though Nick had rolled his eyes through much of that lecture, Kevin also saw gratitude. Those eyes saying �thanks for caring.� It was the same look he was getting from Nick now.  
  
  
  
�Next time you talk to Aaron you tell him I said hello okay?�  
  
  
  
�Sure thing, when he finds out about this fishing trip I�m sure he�ll be highly amused.�  
  
  
  
�Well anything I can do to amuse the kid I guess.�  
  
  
  
�And when I tell him I whooped your butt in a race...�  
  
  
  
�He won�t believe you.�  
  
  
  
�Nobody will� damn, I knew I should have brought my camcorder.�  
  
  
  
�I�m glad you didn�t, you kind of get on my nerves sticking that thing in my face all the time.�  
  
  
  
�What? It�s your fault I do that to begin with! You used to be obsessed with filming things. Don�t you remember?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah but that was different.�  
  
  
  
�How so?�  
  
  
  
�It was me.� Kevin wiggled his eyebrows which made Nick giggle once again.�  
  
  
  
�My, aren�t we being the comedian on this trip�got any jokes Kev?�  
  
  
  
�Me? I�m not the jokester that�s AJ�s job.�  
  
  
  
�Come on Kevin, you must have something?�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked up at the sky for a few minutes which seemed to amuse Nick even more than a joke would. �You know whenever you think; you look up in the air and wiggle those hairy caterpillars.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �Well you stick your tongue out.�  
  
  
  
�I guess I do�okay so you got one yet?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I have one, it�s kind of dumb but I heard it the other day.�  
  
  
  
Nick leaned in looking like an excited child, �Cool! Let�s hear it Kevy Kev!�  
  
  
  
�Okay here it goes�� Kevin took a deep breath, �A pair of chickens walk into a library and say Buk buk BUUK!� Kevin now imitated a chicken which had Nick fall on the ground laughing like an idiot.  
  
  
  
�What? Why are you laughing I haven�t even finished yet.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry but this is all very surreal�keep going Kev.�  
  
  
  
�Okay�so the librarian decides that the chickens want three books so she hands them the books and they leave the library.�  
  
  
  
�Okay and?�  
  
  
  
�Well later on that day the chickens come back and once again say Buk, Buk, BuKKOOOK�stop laughing Nick.�  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry maaan keep going��  
  
  
  
�So the librarian gives them three more books and they leave.�  
  
  
  
�Uh huh and then what?�  
  
  
  
�Well a few hours later they come back and once again they go Buuuk, Buuuk. Buukoook!�  
  
  
  
�Kevin you�re killing me dawg.�  
  
  
  
Kevin ignored Nick and continued, �So the librarian gives them three more books but this time she decides to follow them out of the library. She follows them over to a park where there was a frog in the middle of a pond. The chickens were throwing the books at the frog who kept saying Rred-it Rred-it Rred-it.�  
  
  
  
Nick held his stomach and just burst out in his explosive laughter, which Kevin couldn�t help but join in on.  
  
  
  
�Oh my God�I think I�m going to pee myself Kev�that was the dumbest joke ever but it was freaking awesome hearing you tell it�I can�t even breathe.�  
  
  
  
�Don�t pee in those pants those are MY pants!!� Kevin said walking towards Nick but staying in the water.  
  
  
  
�Kevin you have to promise me that when we get back to the studio you will tell everyone that joke using the same voices you used with me okay?�  
  
  
  
�No way man.�  
  
  
  
�Come on Kev...promise me. I let you squelch on the Twinkie bet, that�s the least you can do.�  
  
  
  
Kevin pretended to be disgusted but it was hard for him to hide his smile, �Okay fine.�  
  
  
  
�I like seeing this side of you Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�Oh come on Nick, I�m not always serious.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I know, but I don�t think in the almost 12 years we have known each other, I have ever heard you tell a joke.�  
  
  
  
�Really? Well maybe you were just young. Many of my jokes from back in the day were a little dirty.�  
  
  
  
�Oh come on, I find that hard to believe Kevin.�  
  
�Seriously.�  
  
  
  
�But you just told a joke written for a 4th grader.�  
  
  
  
�I have mellowed in my old age.� Nick giggled once again.  
  
  
  
�Okay I have one you want to hear it?�  
  
  
  
Kevin nodded and cast his rod out into the water once again, �Nothing dirty though, I don�t want to scare the fish away.�  
  
  
  
�This one isn�t dirty, Angel told me it a few years back.�  
  
  
  
�Okay, go ahead.�  
  
  
  
�Okay so there were these two race horse brothers named Mo and Joe and they were always really competitive�� At this Nick started cracking himself up.  
  
  
  
�You suck at telling jokes Nick because by the time you get to the punch line you are near hysterics. Stop cracking yourself up and tell me the joke.�  
  
  
  
Nick sucked in some air, making �phew� sounds before he continued, �So one day they run this race and they are about neck and neck as they cross the finish line. Mo says YES! I won the race. Well Joe said WHAT? Are you KIDDING me? I won by a mile!!�  
  
  
  
�I like the voices there Kaos, but if they�re brothers how come one has a Spanish accent and one an Italian one?�  
  
  
  
�Oh hush and let me finish��  
  
  
  
�Okay sorry,� Kevin said already giggling about the outcome.  
  
  
  
�And stop laughing; you�re going to make me crack up again.�  
  
  
  
�Just keep going Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Okay�so anyway they argue back and forth asking everyone they come across, so who won the race? Joe or Me? And all the other horses kind of shrugged and wouldn�t say. So they get fed up and finally this dog comes out of nowhere and says to the brothers, �well I saw the whole thing guys and from my vantage point, it looked like Mo won the race�� once again Nick started to crack up and Kevin shook his head.  
  
  
  
�Nick�come on!�  
  
  
  
�Okay sorry�so after the dog says that Mo and Joe look at each other and say�.what? A talking dog?� When he was done with the punch line, once again Nick went into hysterics almost hyperventilating.  
  
  
  
�That was cute.� Kevin said bringing up his rod without a fish on it.  
  
  
  
�I love that joke.� Nick said now lying on his back with both feet in the water.  
  
  
  
�I can tell.�  
  
  
  
�So caught anything yet?�  
  
  
  
�Not a blessed thing�I�m thinking we should give it up for the day.�  
  
  
  
�But we just got here�well back here.�  
  
  
  
Kevin leaned against Nick�s leg now, �I thought you�d be anxious to get going.�  
  
  
  
�I�m enjoying this�I mean somewhat of course.�  
  
  
  
�Oh Nick why don�t you just admit it, you think I�m too cool for school and you love hanging out with me.�  
  
  
  
�I shall never admit to anything even remotely close to that Kevin, although if you keep telling jokes I just might.�  
  
  
  
Now Kevin jumped out of the water and sat beside his friend, �Okay I have one more.�  
  
  
  
�Cool what is it?� Nick sat up, back to his pretzel style stance.  
  
  
  
�This is one my father would say when we would have a dry fishing day like this. Not a fish to be found anywhere�he�d say, what advice can you give a fish so he will never be caught?�  
  
  
  
Nick tried to solve the riddle himself, but after a few minutes gave up, �I don�t know what would you say?�  
  
  
  
�Don�t fall for any old line�get it? Line?� Kevin asked holding his fishing rod up for Nick to see the line right before he cast it back into the water.  
  
  
  
Nick look confused but it didn�t stop him from laughing. �I don�t think all this laughing is helping you on your quest to find Nemo Kevin�we�re probably scaring them all away.�  
  
  
  
�Nick you are probably correct about that but�well I�ll be damned!� Kevin said getting excited and walking further into the water.  
  
�What is it? Did you catch something?�  
  
  
  
When Kevin reached his destination he grabbed it in his hand and showed Nick, �Look, it�s my rod!�  
  
  
  
Nick felt his smile grow so wide it almost hurt his mouth. �Seems like your father pushed it down this way as a reward for telling his joke.�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked up at the sky and nodded, �Maybe you�re right about that Nick.�  
  
  
  
They exchanged brotherly smiles as Kevin made his way back towards the shore with both rods in his hand.  
  
  



	19. Chapter 19

  
  
****

**19**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kevin stood in the water holding his rod in his hand swirling the line above his head in circles before casting it out into the water. The hot morning sun gave way to an overcast afternoon, but that was fine with Kevin because the humidity also lessened when the sun hid behind the clouds. He glanced over at Nick and smiled as he once again took the line and swirled it above his head before throwing it out into the water from where he was seated right at the edge of the lake.  
  
  
  
�Hey Kevin do you remember the time I got mad when I was a kid and bit your leg?�  
  
  
  
�Yes I remember it well, why do you ask? Planning on another attack?�  
  
  
  
�Nah�I was just thinking about that for some reason. I used to get so mad back then about the stupidest things.�  
  
  
  
�Well if I remember correctly it was because AJ called you a baby for being homesick.�  
  
  
  
�Maybe, I can�t even remember, I just remember you trying to pry me off of him and me biting you because of that.�  
  
  
  
�He called you a baby for wanting to go home. You got mad and attacked him, started punching his head.�  
  
  
  
�Wow you really do remember everything huh?�  
  
  
  
�When you get bitten by an angry teen you tend to remember.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry, I was so stupid back then�.still am I guess.�  
  
  
  
�Nick, you were young and it was totally acceptable for you to be homesick. Actually looking back on it, it was AJ who was in the wrong. We all said stupid things to each other back then and him calling you a baby when you just wanted to go home for a little while was uncalled for.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I guess but still, I friggin bit you.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, he couldn�t help it. He remembered that day so well because for him it was almost the last straw. If Nick only knew how close he came to quitting the band that day he would forever feel guilty about it but after having to break up countless fist fights between Nick and just about everyone else Kevin had had enough. He had pulled Nick away from AJ by his hair, like a caveman dragging his girl into a cave. He didn�t expect Nick to turn around and bite him. When that happened he actually had to be restrained himself. Luckily Nick was too wired to notice that part, notice Howie pull Kevin away from the tiny kid before he was able to punch him. It took a trip to a bar with Kevin and Howie drinking endless amounts of beer before he actually calmed himself down and decided to stick with the group a little longer.  
  
  
  
�It�s all in the past Nick, besides you have done worse�remember the time you punched me in the face?�  
  
  
  
�Back then?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah back then.�  
  
  
  
�I do remember that, you called me a baby. I used to hate being called a baby.�  
  
  
  
�I know, I think we all pretty much figured that out.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed but it wasn�t a genuine one, he seemed sad as he once again cast his line out into the water. Kevin took notice of that and decided to go join him on the shore.  
  
  
  
�Why were you always so angry back then Nicky?�  
  
  
  
Nick sighed; he had his reasons of course. Around that time, when the fame really started to hit, his family life began to change. Before the first huge paychecks, his family was as tight as could be. They did everything together and when he wasn�t with at least his mom or dad, he felt empty. He was always known as mama�s boy and it didn�t even embarrass him in the least. He was proud of his relationship with his mom. She was his everything.  
  
  
  
He didn�t understand why things changed, he was too young maybe but mostly too na�ve. Before the money, his parents used to argue but about trivial silly things, maybe about spending too much money in the grocery store or why did you buy that stupid tool box you can barely fix anything. It seemed his fame brought on the more serious arguments, arguments when heard from his bedroom he�d always count how many times his name was mentioned.  
  
  
  
It seemed like his mom and dad began looking at him as a meal ticket more than a child and that hurt, tremendously. When his parents fought about anything, it always went back to Nick and Nick�s money. How best they could spend it to help out the family, what they could do to make more money and make it last longer. This led to lot�s of fighting, much of it violent. The Carter�s were a very violent family, Bob quick to use his fists first and then think about it later. Jane was much the same way.  
  
  
  
It does something to a child when he thinks he is always the cause of any fight that ever happens and in Nick�s case he dealt with it the angry way, and the only way he had ever known. When his parents would pawn him off on the guys so they could get some rest and go on vacation with his money, he acted out. Back then he didn�t understand why it was happening, he didn�t want to understand. He felt like he was being punished for having a job, a job that his family depended on him to keep for a long time.  
  
  
  
He asked his mom once, right before he was dropped off at AJ�s house for a week, why he couldn�t just take a break from the boys and go with his family for once. Jane had looked him in the eyes and said, �Because this is how it�s got to be from now on baby.� As if that explanation was satisfactory enough.  
  
  
  
�I had my reasons�it was hard for me back then Kevin.� Nick finally answered allowing himself to be taken away by those horrible memories.  
  
  
  
�How so?� Nick wanted the questions to stop; he was tired of always answering questions.  
  
  
  
�Well�the day I punched you�I had just gotten off the phone with my mom and we had a fight.�  
  
  
  
�Oh.�  
  
  
  
�The entire family was in California on vacation but I couldn�t go because of our mini tour. It�s hard to understand that when you�re 13 or 14. Why you aren�t allowed a vacation when everyone else is. Why your parents don�t ever want you around�no one ever wanted me around.�  
  
  
  
Kevin just sat and listened, he could feel the hurt in Nick�s voice as he talked, and it was a sound only those really close to the kid could hear. It was so subtle and small that to the public it almost sounded like a half laugh, his eyes usually looking up with a small smirk on his face. But Kevin understood it for what it was, hurt.  
  
  
  
�I had just gotten done crying about it, I used to always feel all alone back then Kevin, and that�s when you decided to call me a baby. It wasn�t really you I was hitting at all, it was them.�  
  
  
  
Kevin was taken a back by the frankness in which Nick spoke. Had his young friend ever just come right out and said those things ever before? Usually it had to be dragged out of him and even then it was usually his cousin that was at the listening ends of those conversations.  
  
  
  
�I�m sorry you used to feel that way Nick. It was easy to forget you were just a kid back then. I know I used to forget that.�  
  
  
  
Nick shrugged staring out at the water, �Yeah well that was a long time ago man�it�s all good now.�  
  
  
  
�Are you sure? I mean with home...is it all good?�  
  
  
  
Nick looked over at Kevin and smiled, �As good as it�s going to get I suppose.�  
  
  
  
�You deserve better than that Nick, I�m sorry.�  
  
  
  
�I�m not sure you�re right about that Kev�but thanks.�  
  
  
  
After looking at Nick for a few seconds, unsure of what to say to make things better, Kevin got down off of the grass and splashed back into the water, �I don�t think we�re going to catch anything from over here. The water is too shallow. To catch the big fish we have to be out in the middle of the water.�  
  
  
  
Nick shrugged, �I guess man�good luck.�  
  
  
  
Kevin took a few more steps out into the water then turned around, �Well? Are you coming or not?�  
  
  
  
�I�m not allowed remember? My water privileges have been revoked.�  
  
  
  
�I�m un-revoking them�come on in�I�m keeping an eye on you though.�  
  
  
  
Nick plopped into the water jumping up when the cold hit him. �Its freaking cold in here you could have warned me.�  
  
  
  
�Nick its cold.�  
  
  
  
�Gee thanks.�  
  
  
  
�No problem, now walk over towards me and watch where you are stepping it�s really slippery.�  
  
  
  
Kevin watched carefully as Nick made his way next to him, holding his arm out for Nick to grab as he got closer. �Thanks man.�  
  
  
  
�Okay steady yourself are you steady because you don�t look steady yet.�  
  
  
  
�Good lord Kevin�relax.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry man but in case you don�t remember you scared the crap out of me a little bit ago.�  
  
  
  
Nick rolled his eyes but once again Kevin could tell it was just for his benefit, Nick loved the fact that Kevin was caring so much, a fact that Kevin knew and was intentionally playing up for him. He did it every now and then especially when he had that lost look in his eyes.  
  
  
  
Kevin damn well knew that Nick wasn�t going to drown and in fact was a much better swimmer than even he was, but sometimes you have to show people how much they mean to you and that was the way Kevin did it. Small things like that helped Nick see that his older brother loved and cared about him.  
  
  
  
The truth was Nick always needed to be babied and looked after and in a meeting one day way before Nick got to the studio; the guys agreed he�d probably always need that. It was just the way he was, it�s not like he was really immature, he was at times, but that wasn�t the reason. It was the fact that he was always so lost. Nick just has this quality about him, this I need you to guide me through everything in life quality.  
  
  
  
The guys really stood up to the task, even when they didn�t want to. It wasn�t only Kevin that did stuff like that for Nick, they all did. They would grab him in a hug when it looked like he needed one, or check to make sure he was feeling okay when he looked a little sick. In one way or another they brought Nick up more than his parents did.  
  
  
  
Sure enough as if Kevin knew what was going to happen next, Nick pretended to lose his balance and almost fall under the water. By reflex Kevin grabbed him which caused Nick to giggle. �Sorry Kev couldn�t resist.�  
  
  
  
�Not funny Nick.�  
  
  
  
�I thought it was pretty funny actually.�  
  
  
  
�You think everything is pretty funny.�  
  
  
  
�Hehehe I know.�  
  
  
  
Kevin knew Nick always felt more at ease and comfortable with his band mates than without which is why he was so shocked when Nick went at it alone, a solo album, out of the blue and unexplained.  
  
  
  
Even though everyone thought the boys hated him for doing it, they didn�t. They kept a watchful eye on their little brother, through television interviews, phone calls to body guards and the occasional front page of a tabloid. That�s basically how Kevin got all his info; how he knew how bad things had gotten for his friend during their hiatus.  
  
  
  
One day he and Kristin decided to surprise Nick backstage at one of his shows. Before Nick noticed Kevin was there he looked tired and sullen, his face expressionless as he talked to his band and greeted his fans. It was as if he was just going through the motions. He had that lost look, the one he always displayed after phone calls with his mother and father. That look changed instantly, the second Nick saw Kevin at the end of the hallway. He actually ran to greet his big brother and threw himself into his arms. The lost boy was found, he had whispered to Kristin as they left dinner with Nick that night.  
  
  
  
And that was Kevin and Kris�s secret name for the kid standing next to him now, the lost boy. Even as Kevin watched the lost boy transform into a man, he still had that lost look about him. Yup, he would always need looking after.  
  
  
  
�Kevin?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah Nick?�  
  
  
  
�Is there something in your life you would like to change?�  
  
  
  
Kevin thought about that question long and hard�was there?  
  
  
  
�My, such deep questions for fishing, I think I preferred the jokes.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed, �Yeah me too.�  
  
  
  
�What about you? Is there something you would change?�  
  
  
  
Once again he asked the question because he knew that deep down inside it was really Nick that needed to answer it.  
  
  
  
�Yeah, there are too many things to mention though.�  
  
  
  
�Well how about giving me one for starters.� Kevin glanced over at Nick as he stuck his tongue out a little to signal deep thought, �There goes that tongue again.� He added as he started the long circular swirl above his head.  
  
  
  
�I probably would try to not get so angry all the time. I know I have anger management issues.�  
  
  
  
�Oh you do? I never noticed!�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Kevin!�  
  
  
  
�Sorry�you know Nick; you really have come a long way in that department.�  
  
  
  
�I know but I still have a long way to go.�  
  
  
  
�I would like to control my anger too.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah you have a long way to go as well Kev.�  
  
  
  
�We are a lot a like aren�t we?� Kevin asked turning towards his friend and winking at him.  
  
  
  
�Oh giving me the Howie wink are ye?� Nick asked feeling a small tug on his line.  
  
  
  
�Now you�re a Leprechaun?�  
  
  
  
�Ay yes tis true�.tis true�� He gave up the Irish accent when he felt a harder tug. �Kevin I think I might have caught something.� The way the fishing rod was bouncing signaled to Kevin that Nick was correct.  
  
  
  
�Okay hang on�� Kevin immediately stood behind Nick and grabbed onto the fishing pole. �Okay slowly reel it in�not too fast otherwise he�ll crack the line�.easy.�  
  
  
  
�I feel like I�m losing him.�  
  
  
  
�Then hold on tighter and reel it in now�you got it �.good�.good job Nick�� Nick pulled back his line and sure enough a huge fish was on the end of it, squirming.  
  
  
  
�I freaking caught a freaking ass fish!!�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed at the marveled look in Nick�s eyes. �Yeah you did buddy�good job!  
  
  
  
�Wow�it�s a fish, what kind is it?�  
  
  
  
�It looks like a trout maybe?�  
  
  
  
�Cool beans! Nick one�.Kevin zero,� Nick said making a zero with his empty hand.  
  
  
  
�Well it�s going to be Nick zero if you don�t get that fish back to the shore.�  
  
  
  
�Okay�wow I caught a fish.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah, excellent job my friend.�  
  
  
  
�It�s because I had an excellent teacher.�  
  
  
  
As Nick made his way back to the sure Kevin watched his little brother and couldn�t help but smile at the way he walked, proudly back to the shore holding the fish up as he did. Kevin had done the very same thing when he had caught his first fish. Maybe his father had watched him walk back to the shore like he was watching Nick now.  
  
  
  
He kept that thought in his head as he cast his line back out into the water, the sun still firmly hidden behind the clouds.  
  



	20. Chapter 20

****

**20**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Suddenly the overcast sky took on a very gloomy feel as Kevin made his way back to the shore, smile on his face as he saw Nick holding his fish up by the line with a look of pride on his face.  
  
  
  
�Are you just going to stare at that thing all day or are you actually going to take it off the hook and put it in the bucket?�  
  
  
  
�I have no idea how to do that; doesn�t it just kind of admit its own defeat and hop in there itself?�  
  
  
  
�How on earth you lived in Tampa all that time without catching a single fish is beyond me,� he said pulling himself out of the water and placing his father�s fishing rod next to him as he sat down beside Nick.  
  
  
  
�Hey there are two kinds of people in this world Kev,� He said handing the now dead fish on its hook to Kevin, �There�s the people who catch fish and the people who eat the fish people catch. I fall into the latter category.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed as he pulled the fish gently from the hook and kissed it before placing it in the bucket, only to hear an amused giggle as he did. �Okay what�s so funny Carter?�  
  
  
  
�Uh, nothing I guess if you always see people kiss fish.�  
  
  
  
�Oh that.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah that, so that was weird Kev...care to elaborate?�  
  
  
  
�Kiss your fish and make a wish.� Kevin said to the water as if he wasn�t even speaking to his friend.  
  
  
  
�Huh?�  
  
  
  
Kevin turned towards Nick, �There is a saying that we Richardson�s use and that�s �kiss your fish and make a wish.� After you catch your fish you have to make a wish and kiss the fish then whatever you wished for will come true.�  
  
  
  
�Okay, and does it usually work?�  
  
  
  
Kevin uncharacteristically sat as Nick always did, curling his legs underneath his body like a pretzel, �Well supposedly it started with my great grandfather Joseph. He owned a farm and one summer they had seen this horrible drought, all his crops withered and died and as a result he was about to lose his house. His brother, Maurice��  
  
  
  
Nick laughed out loud, �Mo and Joe�just like my talking dog joke!�  
  
  
  
�Do you want me to finish this story?�  
  
  
  
�Yes sorry�go on�your uncle Mo��  
  
  
  
�Right, Maurice�one day told my great grandfather to relax, stop trying to salvage his farm for a day and go fly fishing. Well�you can only imagine how Joe took that, he was not having any of that at all. He went off on Maurice, told him that it would be irresponsible of him to go out and have a good time while he was on the verge of making his family homeless. Maurice never let up though and finally after a few hours of convincing, the two of them went off to fish.�  
  
  
  
�Sounds like you have told this story a lot.�  
  
  
  
�Not really, in fact it�s the first time I�ve ever told the story. I�ve heard it a lot though.�  
  
  
  
�You�re doing a good job.�  
  
  
  
�Thanks�may I continue or you feel like interrupting further?�  
  
  
  
�You can be a real sarcastic ass when you want to be Kevin.�  
  
  
  
�So I take it that�s a yes I�m done please continue.� Nick stuck out his middle finger which made Kevin laugh.  
  
  
  
�So they go out on the lake and they are there all day long without catching a single fish. Kind of like us.�  
  
  
  
�You mean kind of like YOU.�  
  
  
  
Kevin rolled his eyes, �Yes kind of like me.� Nick nodded and smiled which had Kevin shake his head.  
  
  
  
�Anyway�so they are just about to give up when all of the sudden Joseph feels a tug on his line so Maurice goes over to help him��  
  
  
  
�Just like you helped me.�  
  
  
  
�Yes�why do I feel like I�m telling this story to a five year old?�  
  
  
  
�Sorry I won�t stop you again.�  
  
  
  
�You sure?�  
  
  
  
�No.�  
  
  
  
�Well, he pulls on the line as hard as he can and this HUGE like 20 pound trout comes out of the water. So they bring it back to the shore and stare at it, trying to decide if they should keep it or let it go. Maurice then suddenly gets the idea that the fish was sent from a higher power and that maybe�just maybe if my great grandfather kissed it and made a wish, that everything would be okay. So Joe did just that, he closed his eyes, made a wish��  
  
  
  
�That this would last forever��  
  
  
  
�Shut up Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Sorry.�  
  
  
  
�So after he made the wish, he put the trout in the bucket and decided to take it home to his family for dinner. The next day, it poured down rain and the crops he had planted the few days before grew and he was able to save his farm.�  
  
  
  
�Wow.�  
  
  
  
�Yeah, so whenever we go out fishing, when we catch something we make a wish.�  
  
  
  
�Have you done it?�  
  
  
  
�Every time, there was another time when�� Kevin stopped when a loud boom of thunder was heard. �Uh oh�guess those clouds will be staying put.�  
  
  
  
�Maybe that was just the fish gods reacting to your wish.�  
  
  
  
�Could be��  
  
  
  
�You were telling me about the other time?� Nick sat, his eyes transfixed on Kevin as he told tales about his family; he loved hearing stories about people�s lives. Anything was better than having to talk about his own.  
  
  
  
�Right once my grandfather took my dad out, he was down on his luck my grandpa, so remembering the story he had heard, he took my dad out on a boat and the two of them went fishing together.�  
  
  
  
�Regular or fly?�  
  
  
  
�Always fly. They spent the entire day out on the boat and they caught about three fish that day. They kissed every single one, supposedly the next day my grandfather�s luck turned around.�  
  
  
  
�Wow, did it ever happen for you?�  
  
  
  
�Little things here or there, like I might make a wish that I would do well on a test or make a wish about a girl, nothing major.�  
  
  
  
Another boom of thunder clapped through the sky making Nick actually jump, this time accompanied by lightning. �Relax little man, maybe we should make our way back towards the car.�  
  
  
  
�Shouldn�t I kiss my fish? I mean no offense to you Kevin but maybe you are bringing on this weather because I was the one that did all the work and you kissed the fish.�  
  
  
  
�Good point,� Kevin said handing Nick the fish out of the bucket just as the first few droplets of rain fell on them. �Go ahead and make a wish.�  
  
  
  
Nick closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. It seemed to last forever before he finally lowered his face towards the fish and kissed it. Kevin smiled at Nick�s grimace from the feel of its cold, smelly scales.  
  
  
  
�Well?�  
  
  
  
�Well what?�  
  
  
  
�What did you wish for?�  
  
  
  
�I can�t tell you that, but it better come true though because that was about the most disgusting thing I have ever done.�  
  
  
  
Suddenly the rain exploded out of the sky turning from an innocent sprinkle to a downpour, making the two guys run for the car before they got further drenched. Funny considering they were both wet to begin with.  
  
  
  
Kevin fiddled with his key as the rain pelted him, coming down so hard he could barely see in front of him. �Hurry!� Nick urged.  
  
  
  
Finally Kevin managed to grab a hold of the right key and quickly opened his door and clicked the button for the passenger side to open as well. Nick jumped in, fish and all and shook his hair out like a wet dog, �Whoa it�s coming down out there.�  
  
  
  
�Nick, watch the seats!�  
  
  
  
�Sorry, maybe if you had opened the door sooner�why did you even lock it to begin with?�  
  
  
  
�Because locking your car is the responsible thing to do�please tell me you lock your car.�  
  
  
  
�I never lock my car bro!�  
  
  
  
Kevin placed his hands on his face and shook his head, �Nick! That is so dangerous, sweet Jesus you would think with all the fans following us all over the damn place that you would err on the side of caution just for once.�  
  
  
  
�That�s the thing though Kevin, they�re fans. I never understood why we needed bodyguards around the fans, I mean they love us they have no desire to hurt us.�  
  
  
  
It was that kind of na�ve talk that always got to Kevin the most, he swore to God this kid was going to give him a stress induced heart attack by the time he was forty. Nick never made it a big mystery about his whereabouts ever when fans were concerned. All they had to do was ask. He would tell them what hotel they were staying at, sometimes what floor even to the point that management and the guys themselves wouldn�t give him the correct location. He trusted too easily which was ironic actually when you thought about it, particularly because the boy always had a wall up when it came to his problems, in all other aspects, he was just this small na�ve child.  
  
  
  
�Nick, all it takes is ONE psycho! Just one, the guy who shot John Lennon��  
  
  
  
�Yeah I know� he was a huge fan. You tell me this all the time.�  
  
  
  
�Then how come it hasn�t sunk in yet?�  
  
  
  
�Kevin my man�you worry too much�� Nick took his fish out of the bucket, �Here kiss the fish, you�ll feel better.�  
  
  
  
�Apparently my wish didn�t come true because I see you haven�t gained ANY common sense in that head of yours.�  
  
  
  
Nick rolled his eyes and turned to look out of the window, the rain was coming down so hard now that the tapping against the car almost felt like the incessant banging on the windows the fans tended to do when their brigade of cars would pass them by. �Wow it�s raining like a mother out there! Was it supposed to be like this today?�  
  
  
  
�Nope, the weatherman said it was going to be sunny and hot.�  
  
  
  
�He was wrong.�  
  
  
  
�Apparently.�  
  
  
  
�It feels like hurricane weather.� Nick said when he heard a howl of wind accompanied by another clap of thunder.  
  
  
  
�We don�t get those hear Nick, we�re inland.�  
  
  
  
�What about monsoons? Kentucky get those because I tell you what at any minute I expect to see Noah pass by on his arky arky.� Nick sang the last two words to imitate a popular Christian song and that made Kevin crack up.  
  
  
  
�You are too much sometimes kid, you know that?�  
  
  
  
�We can probably open the windows and fish from in here if we really wanted to.�  
  
  
  
�But we don�t.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin I swear you are the biggest fuddy dud.�  
  
  
  
�Keep it up and you can fuddy duddy yourself all the way back home.�  
  
  
  
�That made absolutely NO sense at all!�  
  
  
  
�I was attempting to speak Nickish. You know how you tend to make up words all the time and how those words barely make any sense?�  
  
  
  
�Oh, well you failed miserably; I�ll make you a Nicktionary later.�  
  
  
  
�Thanks, I appreciate that.�  
  
  
  
�So Kev, tell me more about this whole kiss a fish thing, what about your dad? Did he do that too?�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled, thinking back to all the times he had seen his father do that. �My dad kissed many a fish. For every little thing, but sometimes he would use that as a way to make up with my mother after they had just had a fight. He would bring in a freshly caught fish, walk over towards her and in ear shot say, I wish that my wife would get over being angry at me and when I kiss this fish, she will run into my arms and tell me I am forgiven for being a meathead.�  
  
  
  
�Did it work?�  
  
  
  
�Every single time.�  
  
  
  
�Did you ever do that with Kris?�  
  
  
  
�Please, she�d tell me I can take the damn fish to bed as well. Kris is not big on the whole kiss a fish thing.� That made Nick burst out laughing.  
  
  
  
�What about your brothers?�  
  
  
  
�Yup they kissed fish too, we all kiss fish Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Okay, well as much as I would love to say, that makes your family weirder than mine; I know that�s not the case. How sad is that?� Kevin shook his head and smiled. �So no other stories then? How you wished for gold and it suddenly fell from the sky?�  
  
  
  
Kevin looked at the steering wheel, becoming a bit more serious now and Nick could feel what was going to come next. �My brothers and I went out to the lake shortly after my father passed away; we sat in the boat trying to catch fish, all of us mourning but none of us saying anything about it. I was taking it the hardest, see I felt guilty for not being around. It was selfish of me to be in Florida when the entire family needed me here. Especially my mother and father, so when he died the guilt I felt was so consuming.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin it wasn�t your fault.�  
  
  
  
�I know, but sometimes you don�t think that way you know what I mean?�  
  
  
  
Nick nodded as Kevin continued, �My brothers thought maybe fishing was the way to help me so that�s what we did. We sat out on the boat all afternoon and about half way through the experience we started to talk, mostly about the old times, stories about my father and things like that huge toaster I was telling you about. It got to the point that right before we were ready to leave we were actually smiling and laughing. Tim felt a tug on his line, so we all helped him pull this huge fish out of the water. Not quite as big as that 20 pound trout that my great grandfather supposedly caught but still a huge fish. They asked me to make a wish and I kissed that fish, because supposedly I was the one that actually pulled it out of the water.�  
  
  
  
Kevin smiled as he looked at his hands, probably remembering the feel of the fish in them as he opened and closed them.  
  
  
  
�What did you wish for?� Nick asked as intrigued as a young child hearing a fairy tale.  
  
  
  
�I wished for my father�s forgiveness.�  
  
  
  
The car was still being pelted by a heavy rain, bursts of lightning shot across the sky and thunder cracked right above their heads. The grass they had been sitting on earlier was now drenched as Kevin continued with his story.  
  
  
  
�When we got back into the car Gerald said he had to tell us something, he said our dad had told him and that when he felt the time was right it was up to him to tell us. I guess he felt like that was the day. He said that my great grandfather had made up the whole kiss a fish thing. He never made a wish on a fish. Tim and I were confused about it, like what a stupid thing to keep from us you know?�  
  
  
  
Nick nodded, still staring at his friend as he talked. �So I was angry, probably because I felt like my wish was so important and now I was being mocked. Gerald placed his arm around me and he said, �don�t you get it Kev? It�s not the wishing that makes all of this special. It�s the act itself. Haven�t you ever wondered why dad always brought us out here when we were having hard times? Why the day he found out he had cancer, he pulled me along to fly fish with him? When he finally told me about this huge deception he said that there was an importance to fly fishing just as he had told you, Tim and I that on many occasions. He told me what it was though Kevin�the importance of fly fishing is that at the end of the day, it heals your soul.� I remember looking at my brother and bursting into tears, falling into his arms and feeling such a great sense of relief. He was right, by going out there on the water and talking about all the old times and then making that wish, I felt better.�  
  
  
  
When Kevin was done with his story he looked over at Nick to see him wiping away a few tears from his eyes. �So tell me Nick, when you made that wish�what did you wish for? What�s the one thing you want to make you feel okay?�  
  
  
  
Nick took a deep breath before he spoke, �Happiness, I wished for happiness.�  
  
  
  
Kevin pulled Nick close at that point and kissed the top of his head as his little brother cried on his shoulder.  
  
  
  
The rain still pouring all around them as thunder clapped in the sky.  
  
  
  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

****

**21**

  
  
  
  
  
  
It seemed as if time stood still as they sat in the car, listening as the rain continued to pour down around them. It felt good to cry; at least that was what went through Nick�s mind after he lost it. At first he couldn�t believe himself as he leaned against Kevin, the tears were falling down so thickly that he could barely breathe through the sobs. He felt so stupid and embarrassed, that he almost got out of the car and walked home but it was his older brother�s reassuring hand on his back that made him stay.  
  
  
  
Not once did Kevin say or do anything to make Nick feel dumb as he sat there and cried, he only pulled him close and told him that everything would be okay. Once he let up on crying a bit, the talking started.  
  
  
  
Everything poured out of his soul as if suddenly his heart was a strainer, separating happy from sad. Kevin just sat there and listened as Nick went on about his family, how he felt like no one cared or wanted him around. How he felt useless when it came to helping out his siblings and how he felt like he had no control over anything in his life. Then talk moved to how hard it is for him to sleep at night, how when he�s alone he just wants to scream. He never feels safe, always with the nagging thought that at any minute something else was going to go wrong.  
  
  
  
Many times during the one sided conversation, Kevin had to wipe his own eyes just to hear how sad and alone his baby brother felt. He knew that Nick was depressed; he knew that Nick had lots of things on his plate but he had no idea to what extent those problems took over his life.  
  
  
  
The downpour around them lasted for about thirty minutes, while the one in the car lasted for about twenty. The entire time, Kevin�s hand never leaving Nick�s back, rubbing lovingly in circles as he just sat there silent and sad.  
  
  
  
�I feel so stupid.� Nick finally said as the last rumble of thunder rang above their heads, sounding more distant as the storm began to move away.  
  
  
  
�Don�t, you have nothing to feel stupid about Nick.� Kevin said, still rubbing his baby brother�s back trying to keep from getting more emotional.  
  
  
  
�I didn�t mean to throw all that on you, I mean it�s so much�I didn�t mean to.�  
  
  
  
�I�m glad you did.�  
  
  
  
�Really?� Nick looked over now, his eyes puffy and red.  
  
  
  
�Really, you needed to get that out of your system.�  
  
  
  
�I just don�t want you to think I�m some pathetic loser.�  
  
  
  
Finally Kevin moved his arm from behind Nick�s back but not before gently tousling what little hair his friend had on his head first. �I don�t think you�re a pathetic loser, in fact Nick, you are one of the strongest people I know.�  
  
  
  
�Stop.�  
  
  
  
�No, I�m being dead serious. I don�t know how you do it. I could never deal with the stuff that you deal with. I�ve been so lucky��  
  
  
  
�No you haven�t, your dad died Kevin and I know that was so hard for you but you have been so strong. I wish I could be more like you.�  
  
  
  
That made Kevin proud, the boys always joked that even though Nick seemed to do nothing but give the oldest member of the group a hard time, always mocking him and saying how different they were, secretly they all knew it was Kevin who Nick idolized.  
  
  
  
�You just always know what to say and do for people Kev, I mean you can be a real pain in the ass believe me I know��  
  
  
  
�Gee, thanks.�  
  
  
  
�Well it�s the truth. You nag like no one�s business�� Kevin laughed as Nick continued, �But still, for every time you nagged at me, there was also that other side to you, the one that I admire so much.�  
  
  
  
�What side is that?�  
  
  
  
�The fatherly side, I bet the way you are now is how your dad was with you, right?�  
  
  
  
�I�d like to think so, yes.�  
  
  
  
�You�ve always been more of a father to me then my own.�  
  
  
  
�Oh Nick�s that�s nonsense.�  
  
  
  
�No, it�s the truth.� Once again he stared Kevin in the eyes to let him see the realness of his words.  
  
  
  
�Thanks Nick, I don�t know what to say.�  
  
  
  
�You don�t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that. Really Kevin, I know I have been a big pain in the butt and not very likable, hell I can�t even get my damn fans to even like me, let alone my parents, but you�ve always stood by me.�  
  
  
  
Kevin was choked up now; he nodded trying to find his words, �Well, that�s what big brother�s do.�  
  
  
  
�You aren�t my big brother; in fact you don�t owe me anything, all we really are is co workers.�  
  
  
  
�Do you really feel that�s true?� Kevin raised his eyebrow at Nick as the rain finally stopped.  
  
  
  
�No, I don�t but I never did. I�m afraid that everyone else does though, you know you all have so much�it�ll be so easy for you guys to just move on and forget.�  
  
  
  
�This is not just a job for me Nick; you are a part of my life. I would never forget you, even long after this is done and over, we will stick by each other like family because that�s what we are. Blood has nothing to do with it.�  
  
  
  
�I wish we were blood�you know when I was little and we first got together, I was so jealous of you and Brian. I wanted to be a part of that. You guys seemed so close and your families were awesome. If for some reason the group never took off or we decided to break up, you guys would still have each other and that used to make me so mad. I wanted to be Brian�s cousin.�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �But not mine?�  
  
  
  
�I wanted you to be my brother,� he blushed when he said that, looking down at the fingers he was twiddling nervously in his lap.  
  
  
  
�You did?�  
  
  
  
�Yeah I did, you were just like this�older guy who seemed to care and I really needed that, you know? Someone to care. I mean I knew my dad cared and I thought my mom cared��  
  
  
  
�She does care Nick, they both do�� He stopped Kevin putting his hand up in a gesture of quiet.  
  
  
  
�It�s okay, I�ve come to terms with the fact that my family is all but gone, and it�s like that life doesn�t exist anymore. Once I became famous, family went away.�  
  
  
  
Once again Kevin had a hard time finding his words, now that he finally got Nick to starts talking; he almost wanted him to stop, only because it was so heart breaking to listen.  
  
  
  
�Nick, I�m so sorry. You deserve so much more than you got. Your parents do love you though, it�s just that maybe they don�t know how to show you.�  
  
  
  
�They used to; they used to be able to show me just fine.�  
  
  
  
�You have us, all four of us love you Nicky. I know maybe you don�t believe that? Maybe you think we are only in this as long as the money is coming in, but there is so much love and concern for you within our little circle, if you only knew.�  
  
  
  
�I do know you guys care and I�m so grateful.�  
  
  
  
�It�s not just care Nick; we would do anything for you. I would do anything for you.�  
  
  
  
Nick sat quiet for a few moments as did Kevin, hands on the steering wheel not sure what he wanted to do next. Finally he spoke again, �You know Kev, I�ve been seeing a therapist and they put me on a few medicines. I�m on an anti depressant and one for anxiety.�  
  
  
  
�How long have you been going?�  
  
  
  
�Since my Mom got arrested.� Kevin nodded, still feeling horribly guilty for not being there enough during all of the family drama in his young friend�s life.  
  
  
  
�Does it help at all?�  
  
  
  
�Sometimes, I don�t take them often but maybe I should. I don�t know but I just felt like once I started to take them regularly I would officially be labeled a nut.�  
  
  
  
�We have already given you that official label.� Kevin kidded and thankfully Nick smiled and even though the crying had stopped a random tear fell onto his cheek and it was one of those he found himself brushing away as Kevin continued, �One of the reasons we went on this trip was because I was so worried about you. I was hoping you�d feel comfortable enough to open up to me. We worry about you going out and partying until early dawn, we�re worried about the drinking and the sadness we always see in your eyes. Most of all we worry about that emptiness you seem to have nowadays.�  
  
  
  
Nick laughed under his breath, �Do you guys have secret meetings about me or something?�  
  
  
  
�No, but it�s a concern we all share.�  
  
  
  
�So did you draw the short straw? Is that why you got stuck doing this?�  
  
  
  
�No, I drew the long straw. We all wanted to do this but I actually won, Brian was bummed.� Finally Nick let out a real laugh, one that Kevin was so thankful to hear.  
  
  
  
�I think if Brian won, we wouldn�t have gone fly fishing, he would have never made me kiss a damn fish.�  
  
  
  
�Well if I remember correctly, you volunteered to kiss the fish.�  
  
  
  
�You are senile old man; I never did such a thing.� Nick said through a wink and a smirk to which Kevin rolled his eyes in fun.  
  
  
  
�Brian would have made you kiss a fish too.�  
  
  
  
�He would not have.�  
  
  
  
�Yes he would have!�  
  
  
  
�We would have gone to play basketball.�  
  
  
  
�No, he would have made you play golf.�  
  
  
  
�Yuck, and does he putt with fish or something?�  
  
  
  
Kevin laughed, �No but he does have a coy pond.�  
  
  
  
�Ugh, don�t remind me, I am tired of hearing about that damn pond.� Nick said shaking his head. Brian loved to mention, any chance he got that he and Leigh had just acquired a coy pond. It would come up in the most random of conversations. Brian was very proud of his little pond and ALL the boys knew it and often joked about it.  
  
  
  
�The point is, we all love you and are here for you whenever you need us, just like always okay?� After saying that he placed his hand behind Nick�s neck and held it firmly there as a brotherly gesture, �I never want you to feel like there is no one in this world that cares and if you are feeling that way and you�re home alone just call me or Howie or any of us.�  
  
  
  
�I will.�  
  
  
  
�You promise me? I want you to promise me.�  
  
  
  
�I promise you.�  
  
  
  
�Good and the meds��  
  
  
  
�I am going to start taking them as prescribed I think, it might make a difference.�  
  
  
  
�It won�t always feel like this little man, I know it�s hard to believe but it won�t always feel like this.�  
  
  
  
�I hope not.�  
  
  
  
�I really thought I was never going to get over losing my father and part of me never did, but it gets easier. Everyday it gets easier and easier until one day you wake up with a smile on your face and you feel lighter.�  
  
  
  
�That�s the feeling I�m looking for�to feel lighter, but you know what Kev? This helped.�  
  
  
  
�It did? What our talk?�  
  
  
  
�Everything, coming out here with you today, I know I whined about it at the beginning.�  
  
  
  
�Please that�s an understatement.�  
  
  
  
�Okay I know, I really really whined.�  
  
  
  
�That�s better.�  
  
  
  
�But, I think this was probably the best decision I have made in a long time. It helped to be out here near the water and the trees, gave my head time to clear out a bit.�  
  
  
  
�I�m glad it helped Nicky.�  
  
  
  
�And to top it all off, I caught my very first fish with my big brother there to watch.�  
  
  
  
�Meanwhile your big brother caught nada.�  
  
  
  
�Don�t worry, I was getting to that.�  
  
  
  
�I beat you to the punch kid, I know how you work.�  
  
  
  
�Dang!�  
  
  
  
�So, what now?�  
  
  
  
Nick bit at his bottom lip and moved his eyes up to the top of the car in deep thought, �I guess we go home?�  
  
  
  
Kevin nodded and started the car, �Home it is.�  
  
  
  
�Unless��  
  
  
  
�Unless what?�  
  
  
  
�You think you can find that giant toaster?�  
  
  
  
Kevin gave Nick a look, it was mischievous and sly but with one raised eyebrow, he knew they were going on another adventure. As they drove away from the fishing hole that they called home for the day both of them grew lost in their thoughts.  
  
  
  
Nick turned his head and looked back at the tree he sat under earlier in the day, seeing the residue of all his problems floating in a cloud of dust. He hoped that they would stay there or that a breeze would blow them in the other direction, whatever the case, he liked the feel of not having them wrapped around his neck as always.  
  
  
  
Maybe Kevin was right, maybe things would get easier eventually. It was nice knowing that his road wasn�t as lonely as he thought. His friends were always going to be there to guide him along every step of the way. With that thought he turned his attention to Kevin as he placed his pair of sunglasses on his face, now that the sun had once again peaked through the clouds.  
  
  
  
�Can I drive this time?� Nick begged.  
  
  
  
�What?�  
  
  
  
�Please?� More begging.  
  
  
  
�Uh�no.�  
  
  
  
�Come on!� now pleading.  
  
  
  
�Nick, no one drives my car but me.�  
  
  
  
�Not even Kris?�  
  
  
  
�Well yes Kris can, but I have sex with her.�  
  
  
  
�You know what all those slash people would love for me to say now, right?�  
  
  
  
�You say it and you can walk to the toaster!�  
  
  
  
In between the joking, Kevin also looked back and could swear he saw a silhouette of his father standing there by the water, throwing a rod out to sea, smiling at him and mouthing the words, �I�m proud of you son! You did good.�  
  
  
  
�Earth to Kevin!�  
  
  
  
�Are you still talking?� Kevin asked staring until the image disappeared from view.  
  
  
  
�Can I turn on the radio?�  
  
  
  
�What? Our conversation isn�t good enough for you?�  
  
  
  
�Do you want me to answer that honestly?�  
  
  
  
�Fine, but I get to pick the station!�  
  
  
  
�So not fair, if you get to drive I get to pick the station.�  
  
  
  
�Stop making up rules Nick, when in MY car we follow MY rules.�  
  
  
  
�Well Kevin, your rules suck ass!�  
  
  
  
The two bounded down the road heading towards the giant toaster, or at least they hoped. But they knew if they got lost this time they�d have a fish to eat.  
  
  
  
�I still can�t believe you have toothpaste in your glove compartment.�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Can I at least wear your hat?�  
  
  
  
�I�m ignoring you.�  
  
  
  
�Kevin? Yoohoo Kevin? Kevy Kev?�  
  
  
  
�WHAT?�  
  
  
  
�Ha! You didn�t ignore me and I won!�  
  
  
  
�Shut up Nick.�  
  
  
  
�Okay, left or right?� Kevin asked once they came to the top of the hill leading back out onto rural route 9.  
  
  
  
�I thought you told me to shut up.�  
  
  
  
�Just pick.�  
  
  
  
�Go left.�  
  
  
  
�Sounds like a plan Sam.�  
  
  
  
�Thanks Kevin my man.�  
  
  
  
�Not a problem, but Nick?�  
  
  
  
�Yes?� Nick asked thinking a compliment or something heartfelt was about to be shared.  
  
  
  
�NOW you can shut up!� Kevin said as he turned left onto the highway as both boys continued to argue like brothers do.  
  
  
  
  
  
 ****

**The end**

  
  
  
  
  
  



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